What's "Up Chuck"?

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2008-01-14T01:35:00.000-06:00

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2007-08-19T18:28:00.000-05:00

Collard Greens: Almost as good as Sex....

2006-06-02T08:05:00.000-05:00

I’ve had a few requests via comments on my blog, Julie’s and through e-mail for my recipe for collard greens, so I thought I’d indulge y’all. First I have to say, Southerners love them some greens. Whether they are turnip, spinach, mustard or collard....no down home cooking is complete without greens, cornbread and some kind of meat dish. Collard greens have actually been around for thousands of years and are one of the oldest members of the cabbage family. The ancient Greeks ate them, as did the Romans. They gained their most recent (300 hundred years ago) popularity thanks to the African slaves who were brought/forced to the New World. When the greens are cooked down properly they produce, around the cooked leaves, a liquid. The slaves on the plantations would drink this liquid, along with eating the greens, and they called it “pot likker”.

Collard Greens Raw

Collard Greens Cooked with pot likker

My Recipe The way I cook my collard greens has been handed down in my family since before the War of Northern Aggression. According to family lore this recipe was dictated by the recently emancipated black cook (her name has been lost to time) to my Great-Great Grandmother in the kitchen of their home on Church Hill in Richmond, Virginia, just before the Yankees invaded.

In a big pot place ham hocks, or salted pork, and a whole onion (peal off the outer layer).

Pour in enough water to cover the meat.

Bring to a boil then simmer for one hour. The onion should be falling apart after an hour.

While the meat and onion are simmering, slice the stalks out of the greens, then chop them up and wash them in the sink. Keep rinsing, and draining the leaves to ensure all dirt or bugs or whatever is gone. It actually should take 5 to 6 washings to get them right. You’ll notice that the water will turn green with each washing. Keep at it till the water is clear. I like to let them soak for a while between the last couple of washing cycles.

Once the hour is up, start adding the clean greens to the pot, layering them on top of the meat and onion. Once they’re all in they should cook for about an hour, or until they are tender. Stir them up a little while they're cooking. You may want to add salt and pepper to the pot to add additional flavor, if needed. When done they should be very tender.

Serve them up with cornbread and add a dash of hot sauce/tabasco or vinegar if you like. The ham pieces add a perfect garnish.

Well there you go...My collard green recipe. I’ve shared something very special with you folks, I hope you’ll appreciate it. If you choose to make some for yourself let me know about it. Even better, take a picture of the finished product and e-mail it to me. Y’all enjoy!

My Most Excellent Adventure...

2006-05-31T08:15:00.000-05:00

This is a bit on the long side, but go ahead and read it all....you know you wanna! Howdy friends and neighbors! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. Boy, did I ever! As most of you know, I spent the Memorial Day weekend with Julie and her family at their home in Texas. It was one of those memory making experiences. She already wrote about it here, but I wanted to chime in and give y’all my two cents worth. I took Friday off and headed out on the drive pretty early. I made the 500 plus miles in good time and arrived around 2pm. It was wonderful seeing my Julie again after so long! Her husband Paul was in the pool with the kids, so she took me in and gave me the tour of her lovely home. After a bit (meaning a quick stop off in her bedroom) she and I headed out to do some shopping. At Wal-Mart we saw several people who were friends or acquaintances of she and her family. I’m sure the sight of her with some good looking/sexy stranger caused some minds to wonder and some tongues to wagging around town! Our next stop was the liqueur store, and boy did we load up. Yadda, yadda, yadda....later that night we totally got our drink on and once the kids were in bed, the really wild times began. I can’t remember now who suggested it, either Julie or Paul, but we eventually ended up naked and in their pool. Now it’s been a while since I’ve skinny dipped, and I can’t ever actually say I’ve done it by myself with a man and his wife. It was an interesting experience. Much craziness took place...J&P got in the pool before I, so it was left to me to make the trek out to the pool all alone and completely naked. I must say I felt a bit shy having two sets of eyes on me the whole way to the pool. One set looked on in envy and the other in lust...I’ll leave it to you to decide which were which! We swam around a bit and took a few pictures. Julie posted this one on her blog, that's me at the top, but the others are too explicit to share. After all this is a family blog! As we swam around Julie got up on a raft and lay there on her back, spread eagle. At some point Paul, as he was pushing her around on the raft, dumped her over the side and she crashed four feet to the ground. Thankfully she wasn’t hurt, but damn was it funny as hell! She, of course, was mad and embarrassed and stormed off into the house. He and I stood there continuing to laugh, until we realized we were naked and standing real close....yeah, we promptly stepped away from one another. Anyway, she didn’t hurt anything but her pride and soon rejoined us out at the pool. Another thirty minutes of grab ass/underwater fondling later, and we retired to their back porch for more drinking. It was soon after this that Niagra Falls let loose. Only instead of water, this water fall was pure vomit. Luckily it happened in their bathroom so I didn’t have to witness it! Saturday we pretty much lounged around the house till the late afternoon. Around 4 we left and drove out to a catfish joint on a lake. It was some hella good food! Between J&P, me and their daughters, we scarfed down a medium sized school of fish. It was most excellent (sorry, watched Bill and Ted today), and we drove home very full and lethargic. That evening Julie and I went out to rent some movies, buy some more food and liqueur, and find a dark parking lot to “talk”. Unfortunately no dark parking lots were to be found....her whole town is lit up like a Christmas tree...weird, huh? ;) Yeah, that's what I'm thinking... Sunday my boy, P-Dog, started the smoker early in the a.m. and cooked some awesome brisket all day long. A side story, on my way into town on Friday I was listening to the radio and heard a commercial for Kroger. The ad advertised the fact that Kroger had brisket on sale for .99 cents a pound. Luckily I was able to inform the QoP’s and they ended up buying like 48 pounds of meat for, yes you guessed it, forty eight dollars. It’s quite an accomplishment, don’t you think? Their deep freeze is quite full now. Anyway...Paul cooked the brisket, then later he smoked a couple chickens, without rolling papers. Meanwhile, in Julie’s kitchen, I cooked pinto beans and a pot of collard greens. Yep, I brought a little bit of Alabama to East Texas!! I even enlisted their middle daughter to help me in the “washing of the greens” which all good Southerners, or Soul Food connoisseurs, know is vital to the preparation. The meal was excellent. The brisket and chicken were mouth watering. We sat on the couch and ate, and ate and ate. Oh yeah, I forgot....during all this we were watching the NASCAR race. In case you’re like most people and have no idea what NASCAR is, I’ll be happy to let you know. It has something to do with cars, drivers, rednecks, race tracks, sponsors, rednecks, beer, titties, gay men named Junior and Gordon, Coca-Cola and white trash. Anyway, it was the first whole race, (I actually sat through about 80%), that I had ever watched. Some dude named Kanye won...I’m thinking he’s a rapper on his days off. It was a ground breaking experience and I owe it all to J&P. There is something I should mention here...something I’m not too proud of. After we had eaten the enormous meal we all were a bit of the drowsy side. I was actually experiencing a few stomach pains from all the meat, beans and greens I had eaten. Somewhere around lap 4000 of the race I unbuttoned my shorts and slipped down my zipper. I felt the urge to let the gut out to relax a bit....I’m sure there are a few of you, who may still be reading, who understand what I’m saying. Imagine if you will....Thanksgiving, around 4pm...you’ve just eaten enough food to support a family of 18 in a third world country. You feel the button straining...and the cramps are beginning to rear their ugly head. So you’re with me, right? Well, I had unbuttoned and unzipped and soon J&P and I had fallen asleep on their sectional couch. Paul was reclined on one end, I was reclined on the other, and Julie was asleep in the middle. (Yeah, we’re old...it’s pathetic...) After about thirty minutes we woke up and I suddenly felt the urge to take a piss. I inclined the recliner and stood up, turned to walk away and my shorts fell down to my ankles. I should also point out that I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Had we not have had the “skinny dipping” experience this could have been a bit on the awkward side. So I bent over to pull up my shorts and gave Julie, who was laying with her head toward me, a memorable view of my spread ass, nut sack and elephant trunk....yeah, I’m sure you get the picture. Unfortunately for you, there wasn’t a camera handy! The whole experience was quite funny, as I’m sure you can imagine. So all in all it was a wonderful weekend. I haven’t had so much fun in a very long time. I had a great time with all five of the Pinks. I especially enjoyed getting to know the three Julie Spawn. They came to know me as “Uncle Chuck” and I love ‘em like my own kids. They are all super smart children, and could possibly be a chip off the old maternal block...but if you look real close you might see they’re more Paul than Julie! I want to take a moment to thank them all for having me, and for showing me such great hospitality. I’m looking forward to Julie’s visit to my house, sometime this Summer, and my eventual return visit to Texas. Maybe I’ll even take my wife with me the next time.... Before I close...I thought y’all might want to see a picture of us together. This was taken on Sunday night, after Julie had invited two of her girlfriends over to party. It’s me, Paul, Julie and her friends....and it’s definitely not SFW. Click here to see the pic....LOL Thanks for reading. I’ll blog at y’all later....

“Do I Make You Proud?”

2006-05-24T21:50:00.000-05:00

Yes Mr. Hicks you sure do! I've been behind you from the beginning! How about another American Idol from the great city of Birmingham, Alabama!! We here in da’Ham are hella proud of our boy Taylor. Damn, what a finale show....all the special singing guests...Prince even! At the moment of truth, when the winner was announced; me, my daughter, my dog Trooper, my son and Susan were holding hands/paws and standing in the middle of the living room awaiting the result. And then it was announced....we commenced screaming, celebrating and I actually shed a couple tears. Yeah, I did....and I’m man enough to confess it. You’ve got to admit, Taylor is awesome!! I’m fixing to go online and buy tickets to the American Idol tour for when it comes to Birmingham in August. I’ll be there with bells on. Okay, so I had to come out of semi retirement and post about this special evening. Folks, I’m not going to be gone for good. I’m just needing to take a little break. Y’all don’t give up on me, okay? Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I’m heading out of town Friday morning for an extra special four day weekend with some extra special friends. More details, and pics, later.... Alabama, the home of American Idols. Yeah, after Ruben, Bo and now Taylor I think they need to change to state motto....

Goodbye.....for now.....

2006-05-19T07:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past two weeks and I’ve come to the conclusion that my break from blogging must continue. How long? I’m not sure. Will it be forever? Who knows. All I do know, as of now, is that all things blog related must be shelved for the time being. I didn’t want to disappear and leave you all wondering where I’d gone. I will try to get around to your blogs when I can and leave a comment, and maybe some day I’ll pick back up here. Until that day happens I wish you all, (you regular readers and friends of mine), well.

Chris......So you had a bad day?

2006-05-11T06:15:00.000-05:00

Well folks I’m on the third day of my travels. I’m sitting here in a lovely three room suite with a whirlpool tub big enough for three. I know this for a fact because a couple years ago I stayed here and happened to meet two young ladies from the hotel bar who happened to come up to my room to test out this theory. Of course it was done all in the spirit of experimentation. Nothing happened between me and the lovely, sexy and busty blonde chicks......right? Anyway, I know I said on Monday that I would be away for a while but the results from last nights American Idol show forced me from my hiatus. So Chris....did you have a bad day or what? Man that was a shocker, huh? Actually it wasn’t. If you follow the phone and text vote results on this website and this one, you can pretty much be sure who’s going to go home every week. They’ve been right all but like one or two weeks so far. They’ve even chosen the bottom two or three pretty accurately each week. I tell ya, my boy Taylor is kicking some AI bootay! Once Kat goes home next week it’ll be an easy finish for T-dog versus Elliot. He’ll be in town (Birmingham) this Friday making appearances at the Fox television station as well as the radio stations where my wife works. She’s already been invited to attend his live on air concert Friday morning at 6am, and I told her she better get me an autograph! One of Taylor’s best buds from high school and college is also a friend of Susan’s. So possibly she’ll have somewhat of an inside track. Although I doubt it. Maybe I could get a picture of him wearing this shirt. Isn’t that hella cool? Yeah that Pixie chick rocks! She designed it. Y’all start taking your orders now....I’m sure the price will be reasonable! Thanks Pixie!! Okay, I’m back to business. I’ve got one day of food shows down and two more to go. Then Susan and I are taking a relaxing four day romp on Florida’s beautiful sugar sand beaches. Don’t you wish you were here? Later.

2006-05-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday all. I thought I should update and let you all know that my hiatus is going to be extended for a while. I leave tomorrow, Tuesday, for a nine day trip. To be totally honest with you all, I’m not too clear as to the future of my blog. The next week or so will tell. Work and home obligations have taken the front seat lately, as they should, and I’ve found myself gradually losing interest in the Blogosphere. It’s hard to believe, after almost two years, but it’s true. We’ll see what happens. Meanwhile I hope you all are doing well. I’ll update again, when I can, and let you know what’s going on. Take care.

The Alligator, revisited....

2006-05-04T07:23:00.000-05:00

As y’all know I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest this week. I’m going out of town later today to Dothan, Alabama for an all day meeting on Friday. I didn’t plan on posting anything again this week until I heard about Bo Snagley’s post from the other day. It seems he re-posted his, misguided, tale about the time he and I met The Alligator. So that those of you who read his version would know the real story, I also decided to re-post mine. I originally wrote this in three parts last June. First, let me give you a little back story... Last Spring I wrote about nine posts detailing all I went through with my divorce, as well as my meeting and eventual marriage of Susan. I called them The Divorce Chronicles. Each time I’d post a new installment old Snagley would leave a comment asking, “When you going to tell about the alligator?” Well, eventually I got tired of his bitching and moaning and I composed the three part story I offer again to you here today. He quickly followed up with his “version”. If you have the time feel free to click on the following links and read the story. It’s quite entertaining; complete with colorful country folk, flatulence, mystery and SEX! I won’t be posting again till Monday so if you don’t have time to read it all today, y’all just come on back and check it out over the weekend! It’s too bad the comments aren’t there anymore....there were definitely some good’uns!! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Have a good rest of the week and weekend!

Busy Week For Chuck....

2006-05-02T08:27:00.000-05:00

Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday, but I’ve been busy!! This week isn’t going to be an easy one, so I thought I’d give y’all the heads up that I might not be posting again for a few days. Hopefully things will settle down a bit and I can update you on the excitement that is my life by weeks end, but who knows. In the meantime I hope you all have a super week! P.S. Go check out that beer belly link in the side bar....it’s my new favorite toy!

Chuck The Tour Gulde...

2006-04-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

As most of you know I’ve been working in Mobile, Alabama this week, although I’m home now. It was a productive business trip during the day, and a hella fun time in the evenings! As is normally the case on my travels I made some great new friends in Mobile (big shout out to Ed, Homer, et al). I hit the town, and hit it pretty hard, with those guys (and several others) last night and had a blast! I’m looking forward to my next trip in another month or so. Wednesday night dollar margaritas....I’m there! Well since Chickie suggested it, and I since I mentioned it in my lame ass audio post yesterday, I thought I’d post some pictures I took when I toured the USS Alabama and USS Drum. So sit back and let Chuck be your tour guide! And try not to fall asleep at your desk... It rained all morning long on Wednesday and I was really worried I wouldn’t be able to visit the Naval exhibt, but luckily around 1pm the skies began to clear and I took a little time from work to head toward the ships. Here I am driving west on I-10 towards downtown Mobile. See the skyline in the far distance? I began the tour and was amazed at how huge the battleship is. I walked all around the deck, checking out the guns (small, big and HUGE), then headed below decks to look around. Everything is pretty much restored to appear exactly as it did during World War II, when the 2500 plus crew was out in the Pacific kicking some Japanese ass. Being the way I am I couldn’t help but take a couple pictures of the enlisted men’s head, including the urinals and shitters. Luckily it wasn’t stinking, but I can imagine it would back in the day. After the battleship I walked over to check out the submarine USS Drum and along the way I passed a group of planes and fighter jets. As you can see in this pic, if you click to enlarge, most of them look like they’ve been through a war zone. Well that’s a fairly accurate assessment. They’re heavily damaged not from war, but from Hurricane Katrina. It’s really a shame. Here is the sub, torpedo room and bridge. It was a bit claustrophobic. I can’t imagine living on one of those things for months at a time. An even bigger problem I had was trying to fit my 6'5" frame through the hatches. I couldn’t imagine being in a war time situation, scrambling to battle stations and trying to hurry through a hatch and being yelled at from behind, “Hey man move your fat ass!” Well folks, there you go. I hope it’s been very educational for you all. I’ve got a big day of catch up with admin crap for work, so I better close this out. Y’all have a great weekend! Talk to you next week.

2006-04-27T09:13:00.000-05:00

Boring Post From The Road....

2006-04-26T07:03:00.000-05:00

Once again your good buddy Chuck is out of town and writing from a lovely hotel room in Mobile, Alabama. It’s been a very long day! I left home around 10:00 this morning and all was well till about 35 miles outside of Mobile when the rain started. It wasn’t your usual rain storm, it was hellacious. It was one of those down pours that even the high setting on the windshield wipers wouldn’t handle. The rain hitting the hot interstate created a hella amount of steam. It was like driving in a snow storm white out. Luckily I made it here safely....obviously. Thanks for being all worried for me and shit. So, y’all remember the last time I was down here and I made friends at a nearby restaurant? Well the same thing happened tonight, only it was a different restaurant in a entirely different part of the city. Last night I went to the local Ruby Tuesday and sat my ass down at the bar, as I often do, and within a few minutes I was chatting up several people sitting around me including the female bartender. After about thirty minutes a guy came and sat down next to me and in no time he and I quickly became buddies. As the beer and shots flowed we talked more and more about all kinds of crap. I learned that he is a architect who works on historical building renovations and he learned that I’m a big American Idol fan. After our third Soco and Lime shot I crossed that proverbial line and told him all about my blog. I even wrote down the address for him and was sure to mention the HNT links on the sidebar. As I write this now, sober, I’m wondering if that was such a good idea...Anyway....Ed my friend from Mobile....if you’re reading this, I had a great time talking with you last night. Next time I’m in town we’ll have to do it again! Today I have to work with a customer, but I’m hoping to be able to knock off a bit early because I intend to tour the USS Alabama and take some pictures. I also plan on going downtown and taking some pics of some of the beautiful old buildings. If I do I’ll be sure to post them here on my blog. Aren’t you all kinds of excited? Stay tuned boys and girls....it’s sure to be a edge of your seat blogging experience! Till then, here’s a picture of the room I’m staying in at this very moment. Pretty exciting, right? Y’all have a great Wednesday. I plan on hitting the town pretty late tonight, so I probably won’t be posting again till Friday. Then again, maybe I'll do an audio post at some point on the drive home on Thursday....we'll see....Later!

The Chuck Quiz....

2006-04-24T07:36:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to post this for almost six hours now...Blogger has been a bitch this morning! Since everybody and their brother has created one of these, I thought I'd join the bandwagon... Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com! Go ahead, see how well you know your old buddy Chuck. This should be good....

What I did on my Florida Easter Vacation

2006-04-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

By: Chuck Second Grade Mrs. Harris’ class Well let’s see, where to begin? I know you’re all wanting to read the juicy sexy stuff, so I guess I’ll start with that. Here is a picture of two young chicks who were laying out next to Susan and I on the first day. Over the four or five hours I shared a space on the deck with them, we all got to know one another pretty well. Early in the afternoon Susan went up to the room to shower and nap and I, fueled with alcohol, decided to stay and continue to get to know them. Every time the drink girl would walk by I’d buy them pina coladas which would cause them to want to learn more and more about your boy Chuckie. They were both college Seniors from Georgia, at least that’s what they said, and I think they even might have been a little sweet on each other. Several times they’d take turns rubbing suntan oil on the other and it took all I could do to not offer to give them a hand. Especially when the one in black was rubbing the inner thigh of the blonde. I swear she got within a half inch of the honeypot. Yeah, I was sporting some major wood. Every ten minutes or so I’d remember that I was a dad, and that I was 37 years old, and that I had a wife up in the hotel room. That would help the swelling go down! They did invite me out for drinks and dancing that evening, but alas I had to decline. On the second day we actually started off down at the beach, then moved up to the pools later. Here is a view from the sand looking back up at the hotel and pool areas. We rented a couple of the chairs and umbrella (that's ours on the far left, chairs pulled out facing East) and after about an hour or so a couple with two kids took up space three umbrellas down from ours. The were definitely Eastern European, based on their foreign speaking, and the fact they had no issue with public nudity. At first it was kinda cute, nothing odd, especially when they stripped the little ones down and dressed them in bathing suits. It got weirder when the father stood up, didn’t even take a look around to see if anyone was looking, and stripped out of his Bermuda shorts, standing there naked from the waist down. He then paused for a second to flop his cock and balls around, maybe to air them out or something...then bent over, ass facing us of course and pulled on a red and yellow Speedo. It was freaking hilarious! It got better though when the wife took off her t-shirt and bra and put on a bikini top. She had some nice milk bags...from the size of 'em she must have still been breast feeding! I wish I’d been brave enough to pull out the camera and snap some pictures, but Susan wouldn’t let me. It’s a shame. I should have walked over and introduced myself. Mr. Speedo could have definitely used some advice on manscaping. Dude had more hair on his crotch than he did on his head. Our hotel room was what they call a Junior Suite. It was basically three rooms; a small area with bunk beds, a dressing area/bathroom, and a large room with king sized bed, couch, table and chairs. Then there was the balcony. We were on the fifteenth floor. Here’s a couple pictures looking out from our balcony. It was hard to find some time for Susan and I to be alone as man and wife, so to speak, without the kids being around. The kids were always keyed up and raring to go. They wouldn’t want to go to sleep till really late. Usually by then Susan and I would be too tired to kiss good night, much less knock one out. But we did find the time, on the last night, to get a little freaky. My son was asleep and my daughter T was busy reading on the bottom bunk. I told her that Susan and I were going to go out on the balcony and smoke and talk for a while. She looked up sleepily and said good night. The wife and I slipped out on the balcony, closed the sliding glass door and drapes and started making out. Within a minute we’d stripped out of boxers and panties and I had her hold on to the railing, leaning over, while I kissed her back and neck and fingered her from behind. At first she was a bit scared. Not just from the possibility of being seen, but also from being so far up from the ground. I put on my best salesman voice and assured her that everything would be okay, it would be exciting actually. I leaned her back over the railing (notice the rail in the picture above) and slipped inside her, but I didn’t pound too hard. It would have been such a tragedy if my hard doggie style thrusts were to force us to break the railing and fall fifteen floors to our death. That would have been an embarrassing crime scene...no doubt. All turned out well though and she admitted the orgasm was pretty intense. I’m guessing that was due to looking down from so far up, and the exhibitionism of it all. Surely it had nothing to do with lil’Chuck and my lovin’ skills!! A funny thing did happen while my daughter T and I were standing in the ocean. You may remember that she recently became a woman and got her first period. Well, we were standing there in the water and I was telling her about how, if she needed to pee, she should just walk out into the water about waist deep and let it go. It would be a lot easier than trekking all the way back up to the hotel restrooms. She stood there a minute contemplating the information then asked, “What if a little blood squirted out, since I got my period, and the blood attracts sharks?” I don’t have to tell you how hard that made me laugh! We both laughed about it for a good while. Later, once we were back in the water, I said...in all seriousness, “You know there is a certain breed of shark that is attracted only to menstrual blood.” Luckily she’s still gullible enough to believe me. Don’t worry, I told her it was a joke. Well, that’s pretty much all I feel like going into detail about now. We had a wonderful time. Like I said last week...it was the first time, since Susan and I have been married, that we’d taken an actual vacation with the kids. We may have spent a shit load of money, but it was worth it! I’m looking forward to the next time. Have a great weekend everyone!

The Perfect Woman...

2006-04-20T06:30:00.000-05:00

What’s perfect about her you ask? Well....she won’t talk back (queefs don’t count), you can share her with three of your friends, when she’s on the rag you still have another end to have fun with (wait, that’s the case with a chick with a mouth too...), she won’t spend your hard earned money, when she lays around the house all day it’s totally acceptable, you don’t have to take her out anywhere unless you want to and she can't get a lousy haircut so you don’t have to worry about acting like you like it. Can you think of any other advantages? In other news....here’s Kelly Pickler’s prom picture. I’m thinking she’s “not that innocent!” Yeah, I’d pick Pickler....for a one night stand. I’m thinking she’d be a pretty cheap date...in more ways than one! I bet some North Carolina sixteen year old redneck punk had a fun time with her the night this picture was taken. Nice yard Kelly. It looks like your Grandpa needs to mow some of that there grass behind you. Yeah, y’all’ve probably already seen both these pictures but I hadn’t until yesterday. Seeing as I still haven’t downloaded my pictures for the vacation post I thought I’d make an attempt to entertain you with something else. Hopefully it worked. Easter Family Vacation Post tomorrow.....I promise...(fingers crossed)...Later! P.S. Hey ladies...no offense, okay? ;) P.S.S. Glad to see Ace leave last night. Now that he's gone Paris, Elliot and Chris will follow. We'll be seeing Taylor and Katharine as the final two. Mark my words! Unfortunately my satellite went out twenty minutes into the show, damn thunder storms, but luckily I was able to do a Blogger search and find the results on Brigitte's blog. Thanks girl!

If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy....

2006-04-19T07:21:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! Sorry I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday. We got back from vacation Monday evening and then I was slammed all day Tuesday with work. I never had more than ten minutes yesterday to myself. Missing Friday and Monday really put me behind, but I will post about the trip soon. Thanks for all the comments on my Easter post. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend. We sure did! I intend to post very soon (possibly tomorrow - but don’t hold me to it) about our family four day weekend on the Florida Gulf Coast. I’ve got pictures to share and tales to regale you with. Just give me a day or so and I’ll get right to it. As a teaser you can looking forward to discussions on the following subjects; random full frontal nakedness, boobs flashed in public, urinating in the ocean, painful sunburns, zombies eating human brains, pounds and pounds of crab legs and penile contortions. Meanwhile, did y’all watch American Idol last night? There were some pretty damn good performances. I of course thought The Soul Man, Taylor Hicks, did great....but what about Ms. Katharine McNiceAss? She was smokin’! She was definitely the best out of the six. So who do you think is going to be in the bottom three tonight? Who do you think will be going home? I say it’ll be Ace and Kelly in the bottom, then I’m mixed on the third. It’ll be either Paris or Elliot. I’m thinking Ace will be saying “bye-bye” tonight. It was also good to see Rod Stewart last night on A.I. and his big tittied girlfriend and their new baby. Do any of y’all remember the story about Rod from back in the early 80's where he had to have his stomach pumped from swallowing too much man juice? I was telling Susan about that last night, but can’t remember if it was real or just one of those urban legends. Whatever the case, the man has an awesome voice and he’s had some sexy wives/girlfriends! Alright kids, this is it for today. I have another busy day with work and I have to find some time today to go register my son for kindergarten. I can’t believe my baby will actually be going to “big boy school” in four months. Where has the time gone?

Here Comes Peter Cotton.........D'oh!!!

2006-04-14T07:13:00.000-05:00

This is the last you’ll hear from me till next Tuesday, at the earliest, and I wanted to wish you all a Happy Easter! We’re fixing to head off for our four day vacation down in Destin, Florida. I don’t suppose I have to express again here how excited I am. I have a feeling this is going to be a great family get-a-way. It’s been a while since we’ve had to worry about the “sex with kids sleeping near by” thing, but thankfully we’ll have a two room suite and the kids will be in bunk beds in the other room. I’m also hoping for a little “sex on the beach” action. I think my twelve year old might have to watch a DVD with her brother while Susan and I slip down to the moonlit beach, with a blanket for a little one on one time. Don’t worry, we won’t leave them alone for long...hell, it only takes me five minutes after all! LOL Once I’m back I’ll regale you all with tales of our adventures. Maybe I’ll even snap a few anonymous bikini pics while laying around on the beach. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Is it just me, or do other guys (and maybe a few girls) like to see those voyeur pics of unsuspecting chicks walking or laying on the hot sand? Maybe it is just me....I am a perv after all! Before I go I thought I’d present for you a special Easter picture. Since it’s NSFW I have it on my picture site. It’s a picture of me, pre-op. I hope you enjoy!! HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND!!

Home Again, Vacations and Becoming a Woman...

2006-04-12T09:03:00.000-05:00

It’s good to be home again. I’m swamped with work today, trying to catch up thanks to two and a half days out of the office. I got home yesterday just in time to get my son dressed in his soccer gear and head off to have individual and team pictures made, then to play a make up game missed from Saturday, due to the rain. We made it back home in time to order pizza and watch American Idol. Taylor and Chris were certainly the stand outs last night. I certainly don’t think they have anything to worry about for tonight. Who do you think might be going home? I can see Ace and Paris in the bottom three. Not sure about a third person though. Ah, bring on the relaxation! We’re leaving on Friday for four days chillin’ in Destin, Florida. I’m really looking forward to it. This will actually be the first vacation, as short as it may be, that Susan and I have taken with the kids in the two and a half years we’ve been married. We’ve taken many vacation trips together, as documented on this blog (beach trips/cruises to Cozumel/Banff, Canada - where I was sexually molested by a ghost), but never as a family. It should be a blast! I can’t wait to lay in the sun, swim, drink fruity drinks, play with the kids in the pool and eat a truck load of fresh seafood. Yeah, I’m ready to leave now! There was a monumental event that happened in the life of the Chuck family this past Saturday. I was in the master bathroom wrapping up a very satisfying bowel evacuation when I head my 12 year old daughter yell from upstairs, “Hey can someone bring me a pad!” A pad? Hmmm, that can mean only one thing! Someone just took her first big step into adulthood. I finished things up and followed Susan up the stairs to investigate the excitement. Susan went into the bathroom to help my daughter with her menstrual materials and I stood outside the closed door singing the Neil Diamond song, “Girl you’ll be a woman soon”. It was one of those classic moments. She was embarrassed and excited, and I was sure to rib her about it all day. I made her call my Mom, my sister and various other family members and share the good news. Susan gave her the same advice her mom had given her when she first started, “Remember...sticky side down”. I threatened to hang a banner up outside the house to announce to the neighbors that T was now a woman. She didn’t like that idea, but I did have her write on a piece of printer paper, in red magic marker, “I got my period - April 8, 2006" and then I took several pictures of her holding up the sign. Hey, someday she’ll appreciate it. She’ll always have photographic evidence of the exact date she first got her period, and what she looked like on that day. Ain’t I a peach? I’m so proud of my little girl! We’ll that’s it for today. I’m back to slaving for corporate America now. Y’all have a good one!

Two Nights in a Hotel, and True or False....

2006-04-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

Good Tuesday morning everyone! I’m writing this on Monday night around 11 pm. I’m sitting in a hotel room in Jackson, Mississippi. It’s a rather nice hotel room, by the way; a two room suite with a whirlpool tub. Not too shabby. Anyway, it’s been a busy past couple of days. I got in here around noonish on Sunday and have been working pretty much non stop ever since. But I have had my evenings free. The following are just a few things I may or may not have done over the past few days. Feel free to speculate on which are true and which may be false.....

Was pulled over for speeding in Meridian, Mississippi. I was doing 84 in a 70 mph zone. Flirted shamefully with obviously gay State Trooper and got off with a warning and his cell phone number. Hey, if the chicks can work what their mama’s gave ‘em, why can’t the men?

Went to Hooters to eat wings/crab legs/drink beer and noticed a very attractive redhead sitting about four feet away. She was wearing a wedding band and so was I. We made small talk; her hubby was out of town and so was I. She liked watching NASCAR and I liked wings, boobs and beer. We ended up sitting together and she helped me crack open my crab legs, and dipped my meat in the melted butter. Got her cell phone number, but being the “true to my vows” kind of guy I am....I didn’t call. Nor did I memorize/save to my phone for when I'm in town again....

Watched the Sopranos and Big Love, sitting on the couch in my separate sitting room...wishing I had the one I love sitting there with me.

Took a shower in my whirlpool tub slash shower, letting the hot massaging water beat upon my neck and aching back, and accidently soaked the floor of the bathroom. Used all but one of the towels to sop up the inch of water on the tile floor.

Picked up someone I’ve never met before at the airport.

Before the night was over I ended up getting a killer buzz with said person from the airport.

Dined at this restaurant and had one of the best beef fillets I have ever eaten, topped with lump crab meat and 6 grilled shrimp on the side.

Shared a couple of killer bottles of red wine, along with two Sky vodka tonics. Taking my fifth sip of the first vodka tonic I felt something between my top front teeth. Went to pull it out and discovered a black hair, about six inched long. Ended up getting all the mixed drinks for our table free, but still the tab was $280.

Got back to my hotel room in time to lay on the very comfortable king sized bed and masturbate while watching Greta Van Susteren on Fox News. She’s hella hot!!

Discovered that I have to cut my business trip short and come home early on Tuesday because my good for nothing ex wife, who has no job or responsibility, can’t take my son to have his soccer team pictures made.

So, which do you think are true or false? Or are any of them actually false? You be the judge... I’ll be back to regular blogging tomorrow, and who knows...maybe I’ll even pull a HNT out of my ass for Thursday. It’s not a promise, just a possibility...so don’t go being all pissed if it doesn’t work out!

A Rare Saturday Post...

2006-04-08T10:24:00.000-05:00

Found this on Tommy Gunn's blog. Thought it was too cool. There can't be much better than seeing your name spelled out with naked people! Go ahead and click on it if you want, and make your own. Hope you can read Russian. The storms didn't do much for us here. Just some high wind and big ass thunderstorms. I stayed up till 3:30 am just to make sure the tornado warning didn't come to our area. My son's soccer game was cancelled today, so I guess it wasn't all bad! Well, we're off for a family fun day. We're heading out to do some shopping then out for sushi tonight! Later.

T. G. I. freaking F.

2006-04-07T14:56:00.000-05:00

Thank God this week is winding down. I've just got in from a morning meeting in the capitol city. That would be the Alabama capitol and not the U.S. There is a hella big ass storm heading this way. They're talking hurricane force winds, tornados and hail the size of my nuts. It'll be a fun evening here....probably with no power and scared kids. But the sex by candle light should be entertaining. Of course that can be done with or without electricity. I get one day of rest then I head out again on Sunday for three days. I am soooo ready to spend some time at home again. I feel like I've been gone on another tour of duty in Iraq or something! Well, that's about it. I've got to get some more work done before the storm gets here. Maybe if I'm bored Sunday night in my hotel room I'll post some naked pics of me, or something. If you're lucky, that is! LOL Have a GREAT weekend!! Edit: 10:00pm, we haven't had a drop of rain yet. Folks up in Tennessee, and other places north of here, haven't been so lucky. Sandy, I hope y'all've stayed safe. And, yeah...funny testicle jokes in the comments....Guy and Snag, y'all are so funny...

Tragedy, Times Three...

2006-04-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

Do you recognize this guy? Huh....Do ya? He’s one of my favorite singers ever. His music played a big part of my “redneck existence” from the time I was in the ninth grade till pretty much the present day. I can’t count the times I’ve sat around drunk with fraternity brothers, listening to his music and spitting Copenhagen juice in a cup. I learned a valuable lesson from him, a lesson that I’ve kept close to my heart ever since the mid 80's and that is that, “We say grace and we say ma’am, if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn.” Yeah, a county boy can survive. I’ve loved Hank Williams, Jr for years...but you never see him without his hat and sunglasses. You seriously NEVER see him this exposed ever since he had his nearly life ending fall from a mountain while climbing it, or something, back in the 70's. But here he is....It seems he’s been arrested for some kind of assault. You can read about it here if you’d like. He’s got to be innocent. Hank Jr. wouldn’t do something like that. He’s all about love, you know. I’m ready to protest. Who’s with me? It's a tragedy. In other news...wow, what a shocker last night on American Idol. Mandisa, what happened girl? Maybe you shouldn’t have sang a Shania song. You’ve got a hella voice, but when we think of a Shania's tunes we think of a hot chick from Canadia. But you do have a very pretty face! It’s a shame she’s gone. Next week they’re singing songs from the great group Queen. Hell, if she was still around she could perform Fat Bottom Girls! It's a tradegy. For those of you wondering what’s up with me and HNT, well I think I’m about spent in that department. I’ve shown pretty much everything that can be shown half-nekkid. Yeah, I know...It's a tragedy. I left a rather descriptive comment yesterday in response to a question on this subject from Bellarosa. But now that Osbasso has the anonymous HNT site going on, I might just have to contribute! Stay tuned... Later.

Homeward Bound....

2006-04-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

Today I head back home after two nights out of town. I’ve got one night at home, then I leave again on Thursday for another night out. I’m home then Friday and Saturday and then I head out again on Sunday for three days. After that I get a half week with my family then a wonderful Easter weekend at the beach with them. Yeah, I’m looking forward to that. Hey, I want to thank y’all who commented yesterday about how awesome my wife is. You know what? She really is! I’m so fortunate to have found and married a woman like Susan. She does so much for her family and I’m the luckiest man in the world. I’m thinking today when I get home I’ll just have to show her how appreciative I am. I might even let her cum this time! No, seriously she always get’s off...I make sure of that. So, did y’all watch American Idol last night? I have to say that pretty much everyone’s performances sucked big disgustingly hairy balls (and you all know how I feel about nut sack hair maintence). Even my boy Taylor, although singing one of my favorite songs, left a lot to be desired. It’ll be interesting to see who goes home tonight. How do y’all predict will be outta there? I think Bucky needs to pack up his stuff and head back to Hicktown. Alright folks, this is about all I’ve got for you today. Go have a wonderful day and take full advantage of Hump Day! I sure do intend to hump my way to mutual happiness later today, and again tonight!!

Random Drunk Thoughts....

2006-04-04T07:06:00.000-05:00

I thought I should post something since I left you all postless on Monday. Really though, I don’t have anything. I’m out of town, in a hotel, cause you know I “work hard for the money”. Yeah, I’m wishing Donna Summer, circa 1980, was here right now.... It’s actually around midnight on Monday night as I write this, and I’m pretty much three sheets to the wind. I have this arrangement with Julie where she’ll post for me in the morning (and correct my misspellings), while I’m fast asleep (she’ll be up getting her kids ready for school) and she’ll change the time so it looks like I posted in the morning. Well now you all know my secret. Yeah, did I mention that I’m drunk? And now for some random Drunk Thoughts... So, how about Florida? What about that national championship? I’m glad to see that butt licking California team loose again. Don’t get me wrong....I hate me some Florida Gators, but I’d still rather see a SEC team win than anyone else. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Certain kinds of jeans don’t look as good on me as others. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the cut of the material....maybe it’s the color of the denim...but for some reason my package looks bigger in two out of the four pairs I have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note to self; Be careful when shaving the balls. If you don’t get the skin smoothed out just right you might cut the sack. Blood in the underwear, later when you look, can really freak you out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you’re talking to random people at the bar at Chili’s be sure you don’t have an itchy crotch from a recent shaving. All the scratching might make people think you have parasites...ie, crabs. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I’m thinking of taking up belly dancing. Or at least becoming an instructor. There are some hot mama’s who belly dance, and I don’t mean just the Middle Eastern ones. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My hotel bed is one of those Sleep Number beds. I’m not sure which number to set it on. I’m thinking 27, but I could go as high as 35. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There is a mirror directly in front of the desk where I sit now. I’m looking at myself (shirtless) in the mirror as I type this and I’m thinking I really need to look into shaving my chest...or at least waxing it a little. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wish Dr. Phil was my Dad, or at least my Uncle. If he was my Dad maybe I’d be the son who married the Playboy Playmate instead of that other guy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Titties are nice. They’re warm and comfy and squishy....and they have nipples. Much better than cantaloupes. Cantaloupes have a rough skin that hurts when you suck on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Those idiots from PETA...wouldn’t it be better if it was called PITA? And stand for Pain In The Ass? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you hear a couple having sex in the hotel room next door, who says its wrong to take one of the water glasses and press it up between the wall and your ear? I mean, why would they give you glasses if they didn’t want you to hear? They could just provide the plastic ones, like the cheap hotels have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife is the best Step-Mom in the world. She works 60 hours a week, their Mother works none, but she can leave work early to take the stepson to soccer practice, while the Mother sits in her apartment and thinks of anyone else but her children. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My underarm hair is scary.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, there you go with some random drunk thoughts from Chucky. They don’t make much sense but I just had to put these thoughts out there. Have a great Tuesday!!