Bonita's Thoughts

Baby Do Me

2006-01-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

Soft music playing on the radio
He lifts me up in the middle of the floor
Pulling my body down to meet his waist
He sucks my bosom, since it's in his face

I scream, I cum, I tremor, until my legs get limber
Knowing that I wanted much more of what ever he had instore.
Baby please do me, give your loving to me like you did before.

Hey lay me down onto the loveseat
Around my neck you will find my feet
Bodies pounding, moving in and out
Grunting, sounding until he releases a shout

He pumping fast as he's gripping my ass
while telling me how good he feels
Through out the night I hope this moment last
Because he givin me such a thrill

That's right honey, give your body to me
You make scream, as you release your precious cream.
I love the way you do you thing, that's right honey Do me..... 010106

2005-10-29T14:05:00.000-04:00

Being Me

Forgive me if I mislead you
I wasn't trying to turn you on
I am aware of my sexual energy
that's just the way I was born

I might appear to be flirting
but don't take it to the extreme
I'm only expressing what's on my mind
and my feelings towards certain things

I'm aware of my sexual innuendos and most
of the experiences that I've partake;
I have no need to lie about my past
or be pretentious or a fake

I never promise anyone anything
other then a gathering of close friends
I'll never say that I'm going to do you
or any other man.

I can understand how I'm being misinterpret
but I love ONE MAN so please don't forget it

102905 Bonita Jacobs

2005-10-09T00:16:00.000-04:00

Do you feel that the dead thinks about those
people that they leave behind
Do you think they miss you or do you never
or hardly cross their mind

Sometimes I wonder if they remember me
like I was back then or wonder about my current life
Most of my memories of them died

So do you think she remember me?
Do you think he miss me?

I always wondered what happen to people
after their life expired
Do they get to keep their memories
of love ones they left behind
do you believe they watches you go
through your everyday routine
do they guide you in directing you
to paths that are hard to find

Sometimes when I cry for her I feel
a surge of comfort come over me
As if they were in the room with me
I think she still loves me
I think he still remember's me

Even though they died, they never leave
they will always be a part of you........Bonita 100705

Setting My Heart Free

2005-09-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

You've been on my mind,
every since our last phone call;
I've been hiding from you,
because I was afraid to fall.
I think about you constantly,
since I'm not ready to set my heart free.

You want to take it further,
But I'm not ready to let go;
I don't want to make big steps, so
why can't we just take it slow.
I've been hurt so many times before
so I'm afraid to open up, then your walking out the door.

So many men have came in and out of my life,
Some even wanted me as their wife;
A few times I was tempted to get it a try,
But they were not faithful so I had to say goodbye;
So I was left alone to cry, because I can't deal with lies.

So if you're serious, I am willing to stick by you,
My heart is not a game to be played by a fool;
I'm looking for love one on one,
So if you are willing we can have some fun.

Bonita Jacobs 091805

2005-09-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered why people flock to you?
Have you ever stop to think what was their view?
Have you ever thought to ask them their opinion
of what their true feeling were of you?

Some people tend to cling for the wrong reasons
Some people tend to misconceive you too
Some people tend to hang around for one season
Some people never get to know the real you.

Have you ever thought they saw something that you do not see
Have you ever thought it was something you tried to hide
Have you ever thought it was beautiful and evolving
or was it dramatic enough for you to push aside.

Some people claim to see you inner feeling
by looking directly into your eyes
Some people can tell if you are suffering
even though you smile to cover your lies. ........091005

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

2005-09-05T19:22:00.000-04:00

Last night I made love to my husband, even though there was nothing unusual about us making love this time it was totally special. A song came on the radio "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" if you have never truly listen to this song you should. It leaves me in tears everytime I hear it. Mik held me in his arms assuring me that everything is okay, I can stop crying now. Is it that easy? Sometimes I dwell on the past eventhough the present is more stable. Sometimes old habits are hard to break. But hopefully I can stop crying like Malik said. There will be no more smoke cloudy my missions in life.......Bonita

Putting Down My Pen

2005-09-02T21:37:00.000-04:00

Today my mother in-law found out that I write erotic poetry....smut was her choice word. which set be back a bit because poetry is my venue and I can tell that she does not support me as a poet. So how am I going to handle this situation.....You know me at first I was ready to put down my pen and stop writing.....well that didn't last too long and hopefully it won't work because I live to create. I could only imagine what Mimi is saying to Malik about my poetry.....Malik is my husband and if he dislike my genre I will give it up....I won't be happy about it but I am willing to change for him................Bonita

Bonita's Thoughts

2005-09-02T12:14:00.000-04:00

There is no theological reason why I must cling to you
I should not have these desires but I do

I can not control my thoughts

I could not deny the fact that I have a ting for you
As I live & breathe and witness your every mood

I dare not retain my thoughts

I sigh whenever you are near, even though you
have not noticed that I am here, there is no rejection
to my reflection since there is no recollection of my intentions

I can not explain my thoughts

I stare at you in amazement, memorizing your walk,
your talk that voice and the way you articulate your words

I dare not complain of my thoughts

I dreamt that I shared your space, breathe your air and tasted your sweat.
Yet it is only a dream. The mere of your skin resting against mine, makes me break out in a sweat, makes my kitty wet but it will do my body just fine.

I will not remove my thoughts

All I have now is my dreams, collective memories to mesmerize in.
I fantasize of our union, an event so far fetched yet attainable

I will not reframed from my thoughts
090105

Us Women

2005-08-31T22:43:00.000-04:00

There comes a time in every woman's life

when she has to take a close look at herself.

Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair

life is, or not at whom made you do it. She has to just look at

herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired

a woman who has been through changes in her life?

Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up.

Before you make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has

endured the most unusual life is someoneof wisdom, someone

who has been chosen by God to go through

things that have made her stronger. Think of all the great

women in the Bible: MaryMagdalene,

Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood flow, and

Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman.

But by the time Jesus was done with her,

she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying

an abusive man, but by the time God wasdone with her,

she had married one of the wealthiest men in the

land. Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of

trying to hold her up. Before you wonder,

"What's up with her?" ask yourself, "What's up with me?"

That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law,

stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor,

friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be me. Women are

the carriers of life, not the channels of death.

Let's build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi.

Encourage and Love, Forgive and Forget, and Trus that

the woman that receives this will be touched in some way.

May peace and love be onto you.......

Greed

2005-08-29T19:45:00.000-04:00

I must Confess
One night I lay across my bed
then an image of you crossed my head
But you know that I have a man
so what might me think of you
That's a though I could never understand
Yet I laid their in fantasized about you
I imagine your strong hands
tracing the contours of my body
as I reached out to grasp your touch
Forgetting that you were not in reach
which left me wanting, you more, your lust
Even though my man is all that I need
I beg to one day get lost in your realms
And to think some people may see it as greed
My lust for you continues to overwhelms,
The pure pleasure that I give myself from one thought of you
I mound my soul as I reach deeper to cover myself in dew
I should feel guilty but I do not because desire has taken center stage
So all I am asking of you my dear is to give me that chance to assuage.....B

Lo

2005-08-29T18:54:00.000-04:00

All my life I have been confused of your existence
To the point where I had deep embedded scars
Now that I recalled my true mother brilliance
I feel the need to know more about her
You made me feel like a motherless child
Treating me as if I was a bad omen
All because I was Papa's bastard child to you
With out me ever knowing
Now that I am a mother, I have rekindled that pain
Yet the mere thought of treating my children
they way you did me, would be totally insane
I have never intentionally hurt you yet you
continue to say vicious things; Trying to bring me
down to your level whenever you get into your mood swings.
So why call me if you have problems being hospitable.
I have learned to shelter you out of my life because I really don't need you Lo

Hunted By Many Tamed By One

2005-08-21T22:55:00.000-04:00

I was hunted by many and tamed by one
Say whatever you want to say because it
has already been done.

Don't pretend that you are capable of
sweeping me off my feet because I've
already been swept.
Don't claim to have the sweetest meat
because my needs are being met

So just do me a favor and keep on moving
because I love my Boo
Cause I don't need no more interruptions
from them nor you

My man loves me and I got his back
There's nothing here to ponder, it's a well known fact

I might talk shit on any given night
But this here is all his and he knows that's right.

So I don't care if your cock is as long as California
or as short as Maine
There's only one man that I want to end my nights with
because he got me tamed................082105

Come Home Niala

2005-08-16T23:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight I'm sitting here waiting patiently for you
There is no hesitating because your time is due

Come Home
Niala I'm calling you
Come Home

Your Daddy's is growing so impatient,
your big Brother just can't wait
You have Aunts & Uncles going crazy
awaiting your homecoming date

Come Home
Niala we love you so
Come Home
We're ready to watch you grow

We painted your room lavender
and Daddy built you a crib
Now we are ready for your arrival
To give you all the love two parents can give

Come Home
Niala,
Come Home

081605

Could You Imagine........

2005-08-12T15:45:00.000-04:00

Could you imagine your death, without family or friends,
No one around to see you off, ,just the memories of days back then

Could you imagine not being loved, yet living a long sad life
It's sort of like, you haven't lived life at all, can you imagine the lonely nights

Can you imagine facilitating your most articulate speech yet no one understands a word
Can you imagine feeling depressed and the ignorant thinks it's absurd.

Can you imagine satisfying your greed, when others go hungry
How can one say that they are rich, while others live poorly

Could you imagine writing a blog that no one ever reads
Could you imagine thinking of a fabulous idea, yet no one else agrees

Could you imagine crying for help, yet no one sees your tears;
Could you imagine acting brave, yet living your life in fear.

Could you imagine being gifted, but you lost the ability to create;
Could you imagine keeping precise time yet always showing up late.

I guess we all are human, so we tend to experience some of these things;
But then again can you imagine sleeping every night and not being able to dream.

081205

Untitled

2005-08-11T17:59:00.000-04:00

I got something to share with you
Before you hear rumors thataren’t true,
about some things thatI have done or do.
I want to share these before you hear what other’s say.

I have not always been a good gurl
I can say that I have traveled the world
I know exactly well, how to use my pearls
and I use it well every day.

I have not always been on the right track
I drank a lot, I smoked weed but I never did crack
Had my share of men and don’t want them back
I’m sexually curious but I’ll be damn if I am gay.

At this time, I am so into you
Because of the things, you put my body thru
If I had to chance to make my dreams come true
If I asked to do you, what would you say?

080605

If I Shall Die Tonight

2005-08-08T06:09:00.000-04:00

Last night Luna & I was watching Six Feet Under and to both of our surprise Nat died other having brain surgery (talk about bad timing) well we both cried because last night episode was the saddest funeral I have ever witness.

I never told anyone but a few weeks ago while I was in the hospital I dreamt of my death. It was confusing because we were near a sandy road and I was with Niala and Rodrigo. She was a beautiful little girl and Roddie was handsome as always. I don't recall Malik being there but I saw myself in a casket it was like an outer body experience. I always wondered was there any merit to that dream. Wouldn't it be odd if we as immortal souls knew exactly how we were going to exit life? When I fainted after Julio's death Vonita appeared in my dreams I asked her was I dead and she answered no honey, I asked her was the baby okay and she said "Don't worry about a thing you are going to have a beautiful little girl, Niala is fine" I woke up crying because I believed my mother, every since I've seen her photo of her teaching her class, that face has appeared in my most worrisome dreams.

Today I pray for Luna, becaue she is going under a knife, the tumor is benign so it's time to remove it. She keeps thinking that she's not going to live thru this and she even had the nerve to discuss the welfare of her children with me. That's a heavy task but for her I would never question it because she like a Sister to me and I love her............................Bo

Thalia, Thalia, Thalia

2005-08-06T09:55:00.000-04:00

Today Luna told me that I was attractive to exotic looking women. Well she may have a point there because I have a thing for Shakira, Luna, Claudia and everyone that knows me knows exactly how I feel about Thalia. She's a beautiful sister, her family is from India but she's american born. She follows here heritage but she's a typical american freak. She's a teaser too, mean from India mistake her for a bollywood actress Nanyah Nair. and Thalia knows she's not Nanya but she signs autographs anyway.................That's Thalia Sagal in the photo...........If I shall ever place my lips on another woman it would be her..................Bo

Hey You Get Of My Mountain

2005-08-02T23:41:00.000-04:00

Hey you, get off my mountain,
Hey you get off my cloud,
Hey you get off my mountain,
Your just trying to bring me down...........The Dramatics

This morning while I was talking on the phone with my sister I could not help but overhear my nemesis in the background. She was saying words that cut thru my heart like a machete. Some people try like hell to get undermy skin but I manage to shield them off. But then their are others that can slip right thru with ease causing havoc in my peacfull little world. Lolita is the latter of the two....today she accused me of being like my "putee a madre de asno". Stealing a good man from his wife. That bitch gives me the blues but I have no memory of my mother. I was only three years old when she passed so I don't know anything of her personality. I will admit that when I met Malik we were both married but I never thew myself at him. All we did was talk, we talked about everything and anything that two mature adults would talk about.....

During the ten years of his seperation from Linda, my divorce, then finally his divorce there was no sexual activities going on between us too. So how does that make me a whore, plus who is she to say that Vonita was a whore. Papa Sergio was not a happy man, maybe my Mother put a smile on his face. Years ago when I was about to marry Julio Papa told me that "True love only comes once and it may not come at the right time but you will know when you are really in love and it's up to you to do something about it" At that time I did not fully grasp his meaning but I asked Papa was he in love and he smiled at me and answered "I was in love once long ago and she was as beautiful as you mi Bonita, she had a smile as pretty as yours and she captured my heart" I asked Papa what happened to her and again he answered "I was a married man, it could not have lasted long." I felt sad for Papa Sergio because he was not in love, and I could tell that he was not happy...

The day I met Malik , I knew exactly what Papa was trying to tell me.That was the day I fell in love and even though I was married to Julio I was not happy, so all I had to do was wait............Bo

Don't Fuck With My Gurl

2005-07-30T18:53:00.000-04:00

Today I got word that some chics on the internet is hating on one of my gurls. Well of course my hot ass got on her defense team real fast and I was ready to curse a few of those phoney ass wannabe's out. But I was like nawh somebody is going to slip up in a few days then say some stupid ass shit. Then they will finally meet the real Bonita, Not Bonita Jacobs, but Bonita Cortez that bitch that would kick ass if you said the wrong words to me. Don't fuck with my peeps that's all I have to say. They pretend to like me but tell everyone else a bunch of stupid ass shit that doesn't add up, get a fuckin life because mines will go on. So If you don't like me let me know, and I will stand clear of your ass.......Bo

Loving My Sisters

2005-07-28T19:21:00.000-04:00

Cecilia is the same age that I am wish is weird because we are not twins, not at all. But today she calls me to tell me that I was on her mind all last night. She dreamt that I was having complications with Niala's arrival. I assured her that all is well even though Niala has really been showing off the past 24 hours. I am in pain now and it was discomforting at work today and it hasn't stop yet. But anyway Cecilia called me and that made my day. Why? because we really don't talk at all and she took the time to call me and say hey "Sis whats up? I felt good afterwards. We did not argue, no negativity was released either. I was loving my Sisters today. We even did a 3 way call with Carmen too. Carmen is my big sister, she always got my back but now Cecilia is becoming a real Sister to me...and that made me feel good................Bo

2005-07-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

Searching for an exit

There's something uncomfortable about tunnels Some days I drive thru them and all is well.But on days when I am distracted by dramaand up to my nose in other people bullshit tunnels have a way of never ending. I am trying so hard to be drama free but people are throwing tainted darts at me and expect for me to smile at them in return,I see tunnels as a metaphor for my problems as if there was no ending to this bullshit. Like I'm running thru this tunnel sweating excessively because I can't find an exit to my troubles. Like drama the thought of an never ending tunnel can drive a sister batty. One night while I was driving home thrue the tunnel I broke out in a sweat, I was having a freaked out panic attack because the tunnel was taking too long to end, plus I was gunning on 55 in a 45 mph lane. Trying hard to find my exit and relieve my self of my problems...until the next time......

She Tease

2005-07-25T17:06:00.000-04:00

She tease
Yet she hide behind words,
making you read between lines
to get on the same page that she's on

She tease,
Yet she crave to touch and be touched by you.
Waiting for you to reach into the depths of her soul
Looking, searching for a connection.

Yet she tease,
hiding behind sexual innuendos and sensuous words
making you want to know what she's all about.
Thinking, dreaming, creaming to be a part of her world
Still she tease.............this is another one for you

Bonita Helena Jacobs 072505

Forgive Me Father

2005-07-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

If I was to make a list
of all the bad things I did
Would God forgive me
because of the way I lived

Dear Merciful God forgive
me for I have sinned;
If I knew what I know now
I would not have done what I did back then.

One thousand Hail Mary's
Would not have saved my soul;
As long as I embraced the things
that I should let go.

Like God's love rein on me,
There has to be a better way;
Now that I'm older now I feel
relieved when I pray.

In the name of Jesus, son of our merciful God
forgive me for I have sinned;
And if I can repent I will never take that path again.

Bonita H. Jacobs 072505

Lost Souls

2005-07-23T18:33:00.000-04:00

I lost another friend today;
It surprised me when I heard death past her way.
We all thought she was doing well;
But now we know that you can't really tell.

For many months she complained of many things
Yet know one seem to recognize her pain or screams.
She keep most of it too herself, even though she could
not handle the cards she was dealt.

She let her inner demons take control;
Until she came to realize they stole her soul.
She start believing there was nothing left;
To everyone surprise she shot herself to death.

Rest In Peace Claudia Sampson..................Bonita 072305

He Needs To Be Loved

2005-07-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I look at him and can't
believe that he is my child;
Some days I think he don't need me
and he can raise himself.

I remember years back when he yelled that he hated me
I understood that it was anger but still those words hurt me.
I provided for him everyday, regardless what some people say
Fed him, clothe him and taught him well;
yet something was still missing and I could tell.

Because he needs to be loved and I need him to love me,

I went through all sorts of crazy things to keep a roof over our head;
And on some occasions, I did not make it home to see him to bed.
Then Julio only helped me when ever I had to force him too.
As long as I was sexing him the money flow continued.

I know that it made me look like a whore,
but at the time I didn't give a damn anymore,
I had a son that needed me.
I was always there for Roddie,

Because he needs to be loved and I need him to love me,

Sometimes we can go days with out a single word to say
But deep down inside I know that he loves me
I tried not to hide our divided wall,
I want him to know that I will give him my all.

When I'm alone I sit and cry because I think that I failed him
Then he comes home and join me by my side and said what you doin.
He kisses me on my cheek and say Mom you are so beautiful
I turn my head to wipe the tears from my eyes because I don't want him to know.

Because he needs to be loved and I need him to love me.............072105