The McMommy Chronicles

When a Commenter Inspires a Post.

2009-12-03T21:20:00.001-05:00

In my last post, I received a comment from Ann that said:

I had never heard of Pandora and I just might have become hooked in the past 10 minutes :)

{She was referring to #10 on my list of 38 reasons}

And it got me thinking…..what if there are more Anns out there who have never heard about Pandora????

GASP.

So I’ve made it my job today to share with you the joy that is Pandora.

Here’s a quick rundown of what you need to know about it:

Pandora is a website that allows you to create up to 100 radio stations…..all for free.

You simply put in the name of a song or artist that you like. Then Pandora creates a radio station for you based on that, filled with various artists/songs that are similar to your selection. You can “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” each song as they play….the more you do that, the more Pandora can better customize the station to your liking.

I have created several stations so far, but my three current favorites are: “McChristmas Radio” (I think it’s obvious what that is, right?), “Happy Hour Radio” (it’s 5pm and time to crack open a bottle of wine and cook), “McDaddy Radio” (fun music we both enjoy).

Okkkkkkk fine. And maybe some “Skid Row Radio” too.

And I love “Martini Radio” when I’m cooking on Sundays.

As you can see, I take my radio station creation abilities very seriously.

Pandora has recently made it easy to tweet or facebook about what song or station you are listening to. Which may make all my followers groan or roll their eyes at me. But secretly I know they are excited to learn that I’m listening to “Don’t Need Nothing But a Good Time” by Poison. And are all “I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT SONG! Thank you McMommy!!!!”

You are so welcome.

You can even make a station as a gift for a friend. You know, if you so desire. Maybe to thank them for reminding you about good 80s hair band songs. What?

I’d venture to guess that Pandora does a million other things that are super cool, but I’m not smart enough to figure all those things out yet.

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy creating your own stations!

p.s. THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST. I just really love Pandora that much. And Ann. And her comment.

p.p.s. This whole “When a Commenter Inspires a Post” thing is fun. I think I will do it again with another commenter…

38 reasons.

2009-12-01T16:44:00.005-05:00

38 reasons I love my husband, on the occasion of his 38th birthday.

38. You stay far away from me when we sleep.

37. You, being a happy morning person, don’t mind that I’m totally NOT one.

36. Sometimes, out of the blue, you bring me my favorite coffee when I wake up.

35. You unknowingly wore your bow-tie upside down when we got married, which cracks me up every time I see a pic from our wedding.

34. You haven’t brought up the budget spreadsheet to me in the past of couple of weeks. Although I’m sure that day is coming soon now that I said that. Damn.

33. You pronounce “Chanel” as “channel”.

32. Out of everyone in the house, you contribute the least dirty laundry.

31. You agree there is only one choice: a REAL christmas tree.

30. You handle medical situations 1000 times better than I do.

29. With the exception of anything being done to ME. Then you want to pass out. (hello, remember when I got my epidural? And the time when I had to get stitches in my hand? The docs and nurses were more crowded around you than me.)

28. You love my family.

27. My family loves you.

26. You do an AWESOME Sean Connery-playing-Jeopardy impression (a la Saturday Night Live). I personally think it is even more hilarious than Darrell Hammond. Suck it, Trebek.

25. You let me shave your head that time. Which was AWESOMELY fun to do.

24. You don’t care if I put up the Christmas tree before your birthday. Which is just so ridiculous of me. Why can’t I just wait? Because waiting until December 1st just seems like fooooooooorever away.

23. Your brain and its infinite knowledge of all things technical makes my life so easy.

22. How much you support me in EVERYTHING I do. Or attempt.

21. How you never stress about the little things. Ever.

20. How sometimes, if all the stars are aligned, you kind of love Paprika.

19. Chinese food on Sunday nights.

18. We like to make fun of the exact same people.

17. Sometimes we wonder if those exact same people are making fun of us.

16. They probably are. Which cracks us up.

15. That time right after we tuck the kids into bed, and right before we go to bed….where we are both sitting on the couches with our laptops in glorious heavenly peace and quiet.

14. That time right after we both decide we are DONE with our laptops for the night…and we go to our room to watch The Biggest Loser…or The Office…or Lost or one of the other million tv shows I tivo.

13. How you won’t eat again after you brush your teeth for the night. That kills me but I love your willpower. Especially when I’m sitting next to you in bed with a bowl of Lucky Charms. I don’t know how you resist. They are magically delicious.

12. How you never blink an eye about taking care of the boys when I go out with my friends.

11. Sushi & wine on the front porch while the kids play with sidewalk chalk.

10. For introducing me to Pandora.

9. For all the times you gave ME the new car….and you took the old car. (One of these days, when we are rich, I’m totally buying you a very new, very expensive, very manly gadget-filled car and I promise not to take it from you.)

8. For not making me do the duathlon with you.

7. The way you look with your skater hat on. (or is it a ski cap? I don’t know. You know that hat though)

6. How I went out to girls night one time and you watched the boys. I thought you were going to feed them dinner and put them to bed. You had other ideas. You piled them in the car, drove over to the surf shop, and bought them skater hats to match yours.

5. It’s kind of cute that I’ve probably only ever heard you call by my real name maybe…oh…3?…4?…times in my life.

4. Coffee shorts. Enough said.

3. The fact that you don’t mind that I blog about you. And our kids. And our life. All the time.

2. How much you love that I love this blog.

1. How you never actually read this blog. (Seriously, this fact just cracks me up. I love that about you. And I’m willing to bet that I am going to have to forward you this post via email or else you might be 43 by the time you get around to reading it...)

She asked. I answered.

2009-11-30T12:18:00.001-05:00

I (along with two other bloggers who as you will see are way better at this stuff than I) was interviewed by Mrs. Lou Lou recently.

She asked.

I answered.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy: The Interview

My book is coming out in paperback soon.

McMommy’s Holiday Card Spectacular!

2009-11-29T15:13:00.002-05:00

Sometimes every bone in my body tells me to do something…..and I go the COMPLETE opposite way.

Like when my ~~hips~~ ~~arm flab~~ BONES say: “Don’t eat McDonalds again. Don’t eat McDonalds again. One time this week was enough.”

And then I pull through the drive-thru and revel in the hot fudge sundae with nuts, after I polish off the fries and icy cold coke.

So when every bone in my body said “Don’t do the Holiday Card Spectacular. You have soooooo much on your plate right now. You don’t even have time to update McMommywood anymore and this season of the Real Housewives of the OC is the best yet because everyone is broke! And Lynne’s about to get her face whacked off! And OMG the new housewife may look like she has it all but really her husband is a CONTROLLING $%*@ and I would rather put hot sticks in my eyes than be married to that! No really, you have to get serious and focus. On the Biggest Loser finale. DON’T DO THE HOLIDAY CARD SPECTACULAR!”

My immediate response was to create a new blog. For a bigger, better, even more fun McMommy Holiday Card Spectacular.

(Do you all remember this from last year? This is where I feature your holiday cards on my blog.)

I’m pretty sure I need to see a therapist at this point.

Becauseseriouslypeople!!! A whole new blog.

I’m going to fill it with my favorite holiday cards and photos that you email me.

And someone? Is going to win a $50 gift card to Doodlebug Dezigns that is good for an entire year. Just for sending me your card. Think about it--you can order birthday invites, birth announcements..or even..Holiday cards next year! NICE!

If you would like your card to be a part of the McMommy Holiday Card Spectacular, simply email your card to McHoliday@live.com

In the subject line, please put either your family name or the name of your blog. (whichever name you want to be published. Feel free to use a faux name if you want, doesn’t bother me!)

I loooooooooooved seeing all your cards last year! Can’t wait to see what you all have come up with for this year’s cards…email me and I’ll post some of my favorites each day on the McHoliday blog!

{Ok now really. Back to focusing. On the show I love to hate… “Million Dollar Listing”. I’m sure I won’t waste any time checking my inbox every five minutes, waiting for the first card to arrive. No, I wouldn’t do that. Except for maybe just once. Just to see. And then totally back to focusing. I swear.}

Places You Will Not Find Me Today.

2009-11-27T08:00:00.002-05:00

1.) Near a Best Buy, Brandsmart, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Wal-Mart, or Toys R Us.

2.) Near my skinny jeans.
3.) At work.
4.) Near that mountain of laundry in my dryer that needs to be folded and put away.
5.) Near a scale.

Where will you not be today?

Eat Up, Everyone!

2009-11-24T21:33:00.001-05:00

Ok, so today we made the turkey cookies.

Just to refresh your memory, this is what the cookies were supposed to look like:

Annnnnnnnnd…….this is how most of our turkey cookies turned out:

Ummm yeah. So…..uh…..festive.

One of my most favorite thanksgivings ever.

2009-11-23T22:02:00.001-05:00

That’s my sister and I, three years ago.

I was 7 months pregnant. Or 13 months. What’s the difference, anyway? My scale couldn’t tell you.

I’m willing to bet $1 million dollars that the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was playing on the tv to the left of us.

My mom either took this picture or was in the kitchen stirring mashed potatoes and making the best gravy ever known to man. Probably all of the above.

My hand is bandaged up because I had just come back from having an ER doc pick poppy seeds out of a profusely bleeding gash in my hand. Yeah, I was the dumb one who sliced a bagel…while holding it in my hand. And the knife? Sllllllllllllllice. Right through the Everything bagel, into my hand.

I know you are looking at the title of my post right about now and wondering if I am a sick, sick girl.

Keep reading. I’m getting to my favorite part.

My favorite memory is right before this pic was taken. My hand hurt so, so bad. And even though it was my left hand, I was surprised to learn how many times a right-hander depends on their left hand in everyday tasks.

So my sister sat cross-legged on my bed with me. She did my hair. She helped stuff me into my dress. She did my makeup. And naturally, because this is my sister we are talking about, she cracked jokes the whole time, and made fun of my makeup saying things like “YOU USE A TOOTHBRUSH AS YOUR EYEBROW BRUSH?!”

And I had to defend myself and say “WHAT?! It wasn’t like a USED toothbrush! It was one of the ones the dentist gave out. Besides, it works really well!”

And the tears of laughter only got worse when she read my…ahem…eyebrow brush said “Dr. Smith” on it, with the ever so convenient phone number personalized right next to his name, so I could easily remember to schedule my follow up visits.

I’m pretty sure this means Sephora has me black-listed.

But my point in all of this?

Some of the best memories of a holiday can come from where you least expect it.

Like toothbrushes in your make up bag.

Attack of the Optimist.

2009-11-22T08:54:00.001-05:00

So my kids have the entire week off of school this week.

I'm kind of giddy with excitement. I think this is going to be lots of fun. It's totally not going to turn out like summer vacation did.

What? Why are you laughing? IT'S NOT! I SWEAR!

First of all, I've got fun crafts planned.
Like these turkey cookies we are going to make.

It's going to go along swimmingly, I'm sure!
And I'm definitely not worried about the fact that decorating the tail calls for candy corns....which were out by the gallons a month ago and now are nowhere to be seen. Um yeah. Not worried.

Another activity we are going to do? Watch the movie Home Alone! I've been waiting until I thought Matthew was old enough to "get" the humor...now I'm sure he's going to get a complete kick out of that movie! Carter, on the other hand? Yeah, he may get some ideas from that movie. I'll deal with his antics later.

Another movie I'm looking forward to watching with the kids? Elf.
It's become a Thanksgiving tradition (uhhh...since last year. Quite a long tradition, I know.) to watch Elf on Thanksgiving night. And this year while we are watching it, I'm going to make hot chocolate for the kids and egg nog for McDaddy and I.
Only I don't like egg nog. So ~~more~~ wine for me.

And you know who arrives after the kids go to bed on Thanksgiving, right?
Yes, our loveable yet creepy-looking ELFY!!!
My kids are already besides themselves with excitement over Elfy's impending arrival. This is hands down the best Christmas tradition we've ever started.

Although, the more wine thing for me on Thanksgiving night will be a good tradition too.

p.s. I have no affiliation with Elf on the Shelf. I just really like it, ok?
p.p.s. But I am doing a giveaway for an Elfing Around Elf on my giveaway blog. But it is a different company than Elf on a Shelf. So does that count as an affiliation, FTC? I hope not.
p.p.p.s. Ok, so now you've got me all nervous, FTC. I feel I must also disclose that I am not affiliated with the movie Elf, the movie Home Alone, the holiday "Thanksgiving", the makers of "egg nog" and/or perhaps most sadly...I am not affiliated with any wine companies.

Every Mother Outta Have One.

2009-11-19T20:39:00.001-05:00

After these pics were taken, Carter wouldn't leave Buzz Lightyear.

I thought "How cute! He loves Buzz so much!" and gave him a gentle prodding to move along, saying it was the next child's turn.

He told me "No."

I told him "Yes, our turn is over. Let's go."

He told me no, he wasn't leaving...until Buzz gave him a toy.

{Even Buzz's plastic jaw dropped at this point.}

I did one of those awkward nervous laughs and told him come on silly, Buzz isn't Santa.

His reply? "I KNOW." Thoroughly annoyed.

Then he told Buzz "BAD SHARING!" and stomped off while all the other parents waiting in line looked on, horrified.
.

Seriously, this is my life with this child.

Rubber Band Friends.

2009-11-18T22:14:00.004-05:00

I hate to write posts like these. I don't want to write posts like these.

But I think it's pretty evident that I use my blog as my outlet. And so, posts like these need to be written by me once in awhile so I can just clear my head.

Because a childhood friend of mine died this week. Unexpectedly.
Because at 31 years old, that's usually how you die, right? Unexpectedly.

When I found out the news, I was upset. There was a big part of me that almost didn't believe it. But today, his obituary was in the paper. And that made it real.
And whoever wrote it did a beautiful job of remembering a life gone too soon.

I originally got the word of his death from another one of my closest friends. And the phone call from another. And emails were going back and forth. And so on and so forth.

Because that's how it is with us. Careers, and spouses and families and new babies and new friends and just life in general pulls us all in 10 million different directions but all it takes is one thing and we are instantly back together like the snap of a rubber band. Instantly.

We've all known each other since 1st grade. They are my core.
There is an awesome history there....a history of math classes with lollipops and English classes where you could lose your bathroom privileges; a history of school dances and sleepovers....of boat rides and pool parties. A history of country fairs and school performances. And inside jokes.

Yellow, yellow, BLUE. (Ah-ha! I got you.)
Yellow, yellow, RED. (You may be seated.)

Sorry. I know that wasn't funny to you.
But somewhere right now, my friends are laughing. I guarantee you.

And any one of us could launch into a song right now that alphabetizes the 50 states.
Or tell you how mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.
Or how this train is bound for glory.
We could. It's been almost 25 years but we totally could. I'd bet the house on it.

Today, Matthew had a Thanksgiving music performance at school.
And as I sat there watching him, I just flash backed to all those years in my life at my old school.
How lucky I was that my parents sacrificed and worked hard to put me through that school.
The education was excellent.
But the memories?
The friendships?

Those are lifelong.

However long....or short...our lives might be.

Why Is The Whole McFamily So Happy In This Picture?

2009-11-16T20:03:00.004-05:00

a.) The McFamily--on a total whim--decided to go to the Happiest Place on Earth this weekend.

b.) The McFamily had just devoured a delicious dinner of sushi and steak prior to this photo being taken.

c.) McMommy and McDaddy enjoyed multiple glasses of wine prior to this photo being taken.

d.) The McKids enjoyed huge, cotton candy, m&m, hot fudge, Mickey Mouse sprinkles, waffle cone ice cream sundaes before, during, and after this photo.

e.) Shortly after this pic was taken, McMommy and McDaddy....happy on multiple glasses of vino that the well-behaved kids let them enjoy.... threw bedtime out the window and instead told the kiddos: "Let's hop on the monorail and go back into the Magic Kingdom and ride incredibly fun rides until midnight!" thereby crowning themselves the most fun and spontaneous parents that ever lived on the face of this earth.

f.) McMommy and McDaddy just realized that this was the first trip they've been on where they did not have to bring any sippy cups, diapers, wipes, or diaper bags!!!

f.) ALL OF THE GLORIOUS ABOVE.

Brain Potpourri

2009-11-09T21:21:00.007-05:00

1. I bought Milano cookies the other day, completely excited to tear into the bag. I haven't had Milanos in FOREVER. I poured a glass of milk, dove into the bag, took that first bite.....and.....meh. So I had one more just to make sure.
Still meh.
Did you change the recipe on me, Pepperidge Farms? Because I think you did. Those cookies used to be mouth-watering-cannot stop-must eat the whole bag-type of cookies. What a disappointment.

2. I don't want you all to hate me but my christmas cards are FINISHED.
Like finished finished.
Like I have them in my hand and can't stop staring at them finished.
And ohhhhhhhhhhhh.....they are AWESOME!!!
You know I will share it with you eventually. I can't keep this type of fabulosity to myself.
{what? Is that bragging? Sorry. But I'm in love with my card this year. Amy from Doodlebug Dezigns once again made my vision a reality!! This year's card is the most original card I have ever done.}

3. Paprika's hideous collar is gone. I have no clue who removed it. But Rika is SO much happier without it. It was like she practically skipped to my back door to show me her newfound freedom from the fashion crime that was that dumb bandanna/collar.

4. Can someone please tell me why my skin has been breaking out like a teenager lately? Is this what my 30s is bringing me?!

5. I forgot how wonderful baking pumpkin bread makes the house smell. Now if only we could get weather below 80 degrees and then it would really start to feel like fall.

6. You know the famous quote about the two things in life you can be certain of? {Death and taxes} Well, whoever said that forgot the third thing in life that you can always be certain of:

Because it is without a doubt, GUARANTEED, that when you go to run just one quick errand....dressed in terrible, mismatched clothes and without a stitch of makeup on....and you say to yourself "I'll be quick. I doubt I'll run into anyone.".......YOU WILL.

And it will be someone you haven't seen in a LONG time.
And there is nowhere to hide.
She will run smack into you, in all your mismatched, makeup-less, 30s zit-fest glory.

Damnit. I hate it when that happens.

Working To Death.

2009-11-08T17:12:00.012-05:00

I think it's hilarious when people ask me "How's work going?" with a sympathetic tone in their voice. Like "Oh poor you." As if they feel sorry for me.

They can spare me their pity. Because honestly? WORK IS AWESOME! I'm loving it. Going to work is completely enjoyable for me. It's a great source of fulfillment in my life at the moment.

But if there is one thing that bothers me about work?

The elevator.

People, this thing is CRAZY.

First of all, every time you press the button to call it, there are horrendous creaking and moaning noises that sound like someone is beating the Tin Man to a vicious death with his own oil can.

Secondly? The doors are 100% evil.
They don't give a care if you are trying to hold the elevator for someone.
Those doors will just SLAM close...trying to chop off your arm in the process.
Either the sensor is defective or else it was a casualty of the Tin Man beating. I'm not sure.

So once I make it inside the elevator with all my appendages still attached, I always have to tell myself: "Don't look up. Don't look up. Don't look up."

Because all I can think about it is how much the top of the elevator looks like the elevator scene in Silence of the Lambs.

And you KNOW that scene in Silence of the Lambs.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.

(Yeah, that scene. I'd insert a picture for you but I'm afraid to google that image. I won't sleep for a week.)

So I'm thinking that's how I should answer people's pity-filled question of "How is work going?"

Me: "Well, it's going great, Beth! As long as I don't have to take the Elevator of Death. I just pray the whole time that he won't eat my liver with a side of fava beans and nice chianti, you know?"

The Two Best Baby Gifts Ever.

2009-11-05T15:14:00.006-05:00

My friend is having her first baby tomorrow morning.
I called her today to wish her luck and asked how she was feeling today. She told me she was doing laundry, getting a manicure/pedicure, and doing some last minute things in the nursery.

In my head?

I just wanted to scream into the phone: "STOP EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING AND JUST GO TO BED. SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP!!! Sleep like it is the last sleep you will ever get in your life. TRUST ME ON THIS!"

But of course I would never actually say that to an "about-to-be-a-first-time-mom-tomorrow morning" friend. It's like the unwritten rule of motherhood: You do not make any mention of the hurricane that is about to make landfall on their life tomorrow.

And I don't care what you all say. That little 7lb bundle is totally a hurricane disguised in a cute hat and hospital swaddling blanket.

So while we are on the topic of babies today......

Remember when I did my Best Wedding Gift post? The best registry and non-registry gifts you could ever give?

Well, here's McMommy's recommendations for best baby gifts!

Best Registry Item: The video monitor

I know what you are thinking. Why do they need a video screen to stare at their kid sleeping? OH NO. Trust me. This is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Because guess what?

That baby turns into a 12 month old THAT SITS IN HIS CRIB WHEN HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING AND PEELS THE BORDER OFF THE WALL.

Go ahead. Just ask me how I know that.

And as your friend is sitting there in the next room, she cocks her head to the side and says: "Hmmm. That's a strange sound. Almost like a scraping noise. But I'm sure it's nothing. I don't want to walk in there and WAKE THE BABY."

Because that becomes the whole goal of your friend's existence: DON'T WAKE THE BABY.

{Upon walking in to a million pieces of torn wallpaper border, our video monitor was purchased shortly thereafter. It has since been used on trips, to monitor timeouts, to monitor transitions into big boy beds, etc. You will be a hero to your friend if you purchase her a video monitor, I promise.}

Best Non-Registry Gift: Friends who bring you DINNER

This has got to be one of the greatest gifts EVER. I like to call it "Dinner For the Weary". Because let's all be honest here.....new parents will forget how they ever functioned in society. Basic survival skills such as eating, showering, and sleeping will be just a distant memory for them.

Heck, I remember crying one night because my mom came over to make us hamburgers for dinner.
FULL ON SOBBING TEARS OF APPRECIATION FOR HAMBURGER MEAT, PEOPLE!
I had no clue how monumental it would be to eat a warm meal....how thankful I would be for someone just helping me to function that first week.

If your friend lives nearby, you can make it and drop it off to them.
Or if they live out of state, I've ordered a Honey Baked Ham small dinner online to be delivered to them. Either way, you can't go wrong.

But whether you get her something from the registry or not, do you know what is the other best gift you can give a new mom?

Tell her absolutely, under no circumstance, should she write you a thank you note for (insert name of gift you got her here).

Her little "I haven't slept in 8 days" eyes will start welling up with tears at the thought of writing one less thank you note, I'm promising you.

Because there is no greater mountain to climb than the stack of thank you cards you must write for all the baby gifts you've received.....and you haven't slept or showered or essentially functioned as a member of society since....well....you can't really remember when.....

GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-04T18:59:00.003-05:00

PAPRIKA JUST SHOWED UP AT MY BACK DOOR WITH THIS HIDEOUS THING ON:((GASP!!))))

Does this mean she is someone else's cat????!!!

THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

Now what am I supposed to do? Double Stuff Oreo LOVES our family! And my family loves her! She hangs out all day long on our front porch, under our patio table, on the mat by the back door. She sits on my lap in the evening and purrs up a storm. The first thing my kids do when they wake up in the morning is run to the door to see if little Sprinkles is sitting there. SERIOUSLY, NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

p.s. Call me bitter, but that collar/bandanna is quite possibly the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. Poor 'Rika is mortified that she had to make her McMommy Chronicles debut wearing that.

My Halloween Costume(s).

2009-11-03T15:30:00.001-05:00

Look, I'm just going to say it:

I'm giving myself an "B" and "F" on my halloween costumes this year.

Sigh. I know. You were expecting more of me, right?

Let me break it down for you.

I'm one of those who likes for the family to coordinate their Halloween costumes.

Like last year....when we were all different versions of Super Heroes.
{This is where I should insert a picture of us from last Halloween, all dressed as superheroes. But that would mean such a picture exists. It doesn't. I'm just full of disappointment today, aren't I?}

This year, there was no coordination whatsoever. McDaddy and Carter wanted to be skeletons. And Matthew wanted to be Super Mario. And so I jumped ship and aligned myself with my friend's family.

Our costume theme idea gets an "A" for being awesome and fun:
My friend was Alice in Wonderland.
Her 1 year old was the Cheshire Cat.
And I would be The Queen of Hearts.

My friend and her daughter pulled it off perfectly and were beyond adorable.

Me, on the other hand? Had major costume malfunctions.

First of all, my costume top was too big so the choices were:

a.) Get a boob job.

b.)Pin and tuck and tie and mcguyver this thing on me.

After weighing my options and checking my bank account, I chose "B".

Which of course ended up making the top look all wonky and ill-fitting.

Oh wait, that's right.

IT WAS WONKY AND ILL-FITTING.

And the dumb collar? NEVER STAYED UP!
And the crown? DID NOT FIT ON MY FAT HEAD!

And the elbow-length black gloves? KEPT FALLING DOWN!

Major costume failure. Hence the "A" for the idea but "F" for actual implementation.

However, my second Halloween costume?

Rocked the casbah.

We wore this to a Halloween party last week.

Let's talk about all the reasons I love this costume.....

a.) It took me literally TWO SECONDS to get ready.

b.) THE WHOLE FAMILY COORDINATES!!! (even Matthew who was not in this pic was a pilot!)

c.) I didn't need to get a boob job to wear it.

The $1000 costume.

2009-11-01T13:52:00.011-05:00

Super Mario.

It is the simplest costume in the world, right?

Overalls. Red shirt. Red cap. Moustache. Easy.

So naturally, I was all "Ha! I can put that together. I'm not paying $50 for that halloween superstore version! I can make that costume EASY!"

Which was obviously the dumbest thing I've ever said.
Because it took blood, sweat, tears and over 2 months for me to put that costume together.

To be fair, the red cap, gloves, moustache and red shirt were all relatively easy to get.

But do you realize how difficult it is to find overalls here in Florida?! I've never seen anyone over the age of 6 months wearing them.

And apparently, everyone in the whole wide WORLD suddenly had a deep desire to purchase size 6 jean overalls on Ebay.

I was outbid on like 100 different auctions.

Heck, I was even outbid on auctions where I didn't even LIKE the overalls...I just wanted to WIN ONE PLEASEFORTHELOVEOFSUPERMARIOBROTHERS!!!

McDaddy came to ignore my screaming every evening as I cursed at those driving up the bid price because they were willing to pay $40 for used Gap or Old Navy or even No Name brand overalls. USED!!!

I wouldn't pay $40 for overalls even if they were brand new, people!!

And yet I continued to bid.

And?

I may have twittered something to effect of "I hate all of you bidding on size 6 denim overalls."

Which Coco may have read.

Because like a fairy godmother, I get an email from Coco with a picture of size 6 denim overalls. She stopped in a consignment shop and found them!!!

I replied: "I WILL PAY $1000 FOR THOSE OVERALLS!! DON'T LET ANYONE NEAR THEM!! GUARD THEM WITH YOUR LIFE!! THEY ARE THE LAST PAIR LEFT ON THIS PLANET!!!"

I frantically called the store, paid for them, and then paid an amount-I-will-not-write-here-because-my-husband-sometimes-reads-my-blog to have them shipped to me.

The costume was complete. Angels could be heard rejoicing.

Matthew tried it on and loved it. He wore it all around the house. I even drew a little moustache on with my eyeliner because he didn't want to mess up the fake moustache he would wear on Halloween.

If there was a picture that illustrated how I was feeling at that moment, it would look like this:

VICTORY WAS MINE.

So Halloween arrives....and it's time to put on the costume.....and...

Do you know what my son says to me?

"I don't feel like wearing that."

Oh ha ha! Oh, you're funny, Honeysweetiepreciouspumpkinbear! Ok, put on your costume now.

"No, I don't like it anymore."

I'm sorry, what? It sounded like you said you don't like it, but I must be delirious from all this halloween excitement because THIS IS YOUR COSTUME. YOU WILL WEAR IT. YOU WILL LIKE IT. MOMMY SCOURED THE ENTIRE EARTH FOR OVERALLS. MOMMY PAID RIDICULOUS POSTAGE TO HAVE OVERALLS SHIPPED TO US IN TIME FOR TONIGHT. YOU WILL WEAR THEM.

"I'M NOT WEARING IT."

And do you know what he picks out to wear?

A Halloween shirt that has been sitting in his closet for the past 2 years THAT DOESN'T EVEN FIT HIM ANYMORE.

FINE. Wear whatever you want, Matthew.

But I'll tell you one thing: DO NOT expect me to share my thousands of dollars with you that I'm going to make when I put your overalls on Ebay tomorrow.

Next post: My Halloween Party! Stay tuned.....

Dear Kitten Who Appeared on our Doorstep,

2009-10-28T07:11:00.000-04:00

Hmmmm.....how do I say this?

McDaddy and I are not "pet" people.

Don't get me wrong....we think they are cute and all, but honestly, we can't handle that kind of responsibility. We already have a hard enough time deciding which one of us is going to bathe the kids each night.

And so, naturally, when you--a kitten-ish cat-- appeared at our back door on Matthew's birthday.....we were all "He's cute! BUT DO NOT FEED HIM!"

And you meowed.

And we were all "Go away! We have no food!"

And you just gave us the world's most pathetic look.

And then somehow, I found myself in the kitchen putting together a small plate of pulled pork for the darn thing.

Paprika, do you realize how FAST you scarfed that thing down?!

{OK, SO I NAMED HER, ALRIGHT?! But she is NOT staying. She was just a little hungry and what was I supposed to do? Let her STARVE? I do have a heart for crying out loud!
So I just fed her once.
Ok, twice.
She loves ground beef.
And cut up chicken with a little broth.
Actually, she loves anything I make for her.
She really appreciates my cooking, I can tell.}

And as I tried to explain to you before, Pepper {Matthew's name for her}, you totally found the wrong family.

And the ONLY reason I even bought you the little can of Seafood Delight cat food at the grocery store the other day is because I turned down the wrong aisle and suddenly found myself in front of the cans of food. Seriously, Rika. That's the only reason.

And just because McDaddy named you Burrito does not mean you have wormed your way into his heart. I have no idea why he carried you from our front door, through our house, and out to the backyard last night, just so you could keep him company while he grilled.

~~Paprika~~ ~~Pepper~~ ~~Burrito~~ ~~Buttons~~ ~~Patches~~ McCAT, we are NOT PET PEOPLE!!

When Banks Dash Your Dreams.

2009-10-26T06:00:00.003-04:00

There were a lot of things running through my mind when I opened the envelope and saw this:

a.) How in the world does Bank of America know that TODAY IS MY 7TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY???

b.) What in the world do they want to talk to me about?!

c.) Hmmm...I wonder if someone at Bank of America reads my blog?!?! Maybe a longtime reader....someone who read this post last year and sweetly remembered??? And now they want me to call them so they can wish us a Happy Anniversary?

d.) OMG. What if McDaddy bought me something huge this year??? Like really, really, realllllllllllllly huge? And he had to take out a loan with Bank of America to pay for it?!?! OMG! I'll kill him for spending so much money! But I wonder what it is? Hmmm...maybe I'll see what it is first before I kill him for spending so much money on me. Oh, am I the luckiest girl in the world or what?? He just loves me that much....he obviously wanted to show a token of his affection....it has been 7 years after all....the 7 best years of his life, of course....but still....there is nothing wrong with just seeing what it is. Then I'll return it, of course. Yes, that's exactly what I'll do.

I couldn't resist and went up to McDaddy and showed him the Anniversary note and smiled knowingly.....his secret was up.

He look at me weird. Obviously trying to play it off.

Me: "Come onnnnnn.....what did you do this year? How would Bank of America know it's our anniversary? You can tell me and I swear I will still act surprised when I open the gift!! I will! "

Him: "What are you even talking about??? They sent that because we bought our house in October. They send one of those every October. But feel free to call them if you want to discuss a 'complimentary home loan checkup'."

Stupid banks.

Wrapping up the wrap up.

2009-10-19T22:30:00.001-04:00

{this post is a continuation of my "tying up loose ends" series}

2.) My halloween costume ideas

Remember my super awesome halloween costume ideas? And how my husband wasn't impressed? Well, I decided to tell you guys my super awesome ideas because maybe someone out there is still looking for an idea...super awesome halloween costume ideas, that is.

Idea#1: Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf
Ok, how insanely cute would this have been?! Target had an awesome wolf costume. And my costume would have ROCKED. I so wanted to wear the little red cape with the hood. Oh, and carry a little basket....with tiny wine bottles inside.

Idea #2: Kanye West and Taylor Swift!
I wanted to wear a pretty gown and carry around a statue award thing and everytime I went to speak, I wanted Kanye {aka mcdaddy} to interrupt me. It would have been ORIGINAL and brilliant and super awesome. But apparently, my husband doesn't like super awesome ideas. What a buzzkill.

So what did I end up deciding to be? Can't tell. You'll have to wait for the pictures.

3.) I scream, You scream, we all scream for.....I-snacks!!

I just wanted to let you know.....thanks to your ideas and some more googling.....I came up with five "I" snacks for Matthew's class:

~Italian bread with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!"

~Italian ices

~Iced animal crackers

~ I crackers (ok, so they aren't necessarily "I", but definitely have the same shape!)

~Ice cream cups

I know these aren't the healthiest snacks out there, but cut me some slack....I HAVE THE LETTER "I"!!!!!!

4.) My sister's wedding planning...
Is hysterical. She is very laidback....and loves to send my mom emails asking things like "Mom, in your opinion, what kind of dress would look good standing next to a Elvis priest?" Which just cracks me up because if you know my mom, saying those kinds of things will give her ten heart attacks. Mainly because....if you know my sister....she just might be serious.

Her engagement party was a few weekends ago and I swear it took me THE WHOLE DAY to get ready. I got a manicure, a pedicure, got my hair cut, eyebrows waxed, new dress.....I mean, seriously? Me at 7pm that night was as cleaned up and put together as I could ever get.

And then like straight out of an Alanis Morrisette song....the next day, I am looking through my pictures...and every single one is blurry.
It was as if Good As Gets McMommy never existed.
I wandered around the house blubbering "BUT IT TOOK ME THE WHOLE DAY!!!!"
All I wanted was one pic of my husband and I from that night.
And then miraculously?

You know what? I'LL TAKE IT.

A Thank You...

2009-10-18T08:01:00.000-04:00

We took our airplane-adoring son to go see a B-17 Bomber at our local airport a few weekends ago.

I noticed an older gentleman standing next to me, taking in the awesome sight of this enormous plane. In one hand, he held onto his cane. In his other hand, he held onto pictures and some old newspaper clippings.

I forgot how we struck up a conversation, but we did. As it turned out, he flew the B-17 bomber in over 20 missions during the war. He showed us his pictures and old newspaper articles of him at 23 years old standing with his fellow servicemen.

He said "I regret that I forgot my camera today."

I offered to take some pictures of the plane for him and would mail them to him. He brightened and said "Would you really? I'd appreciate that!"

I asked him to stand by the plane, but he said "No, no. I'm not important. Just the plane."

So I took a few more pictures of the plane....and then asked him once more if he wouldn't mind standing by the plane so I could take his picture.

This time, he said yes.

I mailed him the pictures along with a note thanking him for sharing his stories with me.

Last week, in the mail, I received a little envelope with shaky handwriting. It said:

Dear Mrs. Mcmommy,

Thank you for the photos you sent me. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

They brought back memories and I could relive the past. It was another time. We fought wars so that there might not be any more. But it seems that the world is still in bad shape.

Hoping for a peaceful future.

Best wishes,

David

This post is a thank you....to David....to all the men and woman out there serving our country....and to all the families of those serving (I know a few of you who read this blog!). You are appreciated more than words....or pictures...can express.

Tying Up Some Loose Ends...

2009-10-15T15:41:00.003-04:00

I feel like I always start stories here.....and never give you updates as to what ending up happening.

So today, I'm going to do a little wrap-up. If I miss anything, that you've been wondering about...leave it for me in the comments so I can answer it for you.

I'm going to start the updates off with...

My Front Loader washing machine update:

Remember all my problems with this thing? The mold? The "LE" error codes all the time? Well, the dumb thing finally broke completely. It wouldn't even turn on. The repair guy told me "In all my years, I've never seen a 4 year old motor have to be replaced." Yeah well, welcome to my ~~LG nightmare~~ laundry room, repair guy.

Since it was under 7 years old, the motor was covered under warranty. But after he replaced the motor and turned it on, the computer thingy fried. And then some other part went wonky too. I'm not going to bore you with more details......just think of the most annoying thing ever and increase it by 1000. For ten days straight.
Because that's how long I had no washing machine for.

Needless to say, the washer works again. As for the mold....it's GONE! Really, it is! Here is what I am doing:

{And fyi, I was NOT contacted by any of these companies I am about to mention....I simply bought a bunch of products myself and these were the ones I was most happy with. }

I used the Tide Washing Machine cleaner packets for 3 weeks straight (one a week for 3 weeks) to remove the original disgusting mold build-up. Now I do one packet per month for upkeep.

I use a scoop of Oxiclean in every load. I read somewhere online that the junk in Oxiclean helps tremendously with mold....and I found that to be true. So now I use a scoop religiously with every load.

I also now run at least one load of white towels with bleach once a month. (I hardly ever used bleach before as I was scared I would ruin something.) At least one bleach cycle per month is part of my anti-mold plan, and I think it is helping.

I also pull out the detergent dispenser EVERY SINGLE TIME to let it air dry. It creates extra work and is not fun, but then again, this wasn't either. It definitely helps as you should see how much water and leftover laundry softener gets trapped in there. Gross. A pure breeding ground for mold and mildew.

I also installed a child lock on our laundry room door so I could leave the washing machine door open. I keep the door shut to our laundry room, but leave the washing machine door open. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS. It makes me angry that I have to do this. I don't think it is safe to leave an appliance door open with my small, curious kids in the house and I think LG should think long and hard about recommending that their customers do this. It's just not smart. I could easily see Carter climbing in and Matthew closing the door. So now we have a child lock on the laundry room door to provide some safety precautions while leaving the door open to dry.

The funny part? A couple days ago I got a survey in the mail from LG asking me how likely I was to recommend my washing machine to a friend. HAHAHAHA!!! Oh the comedy!!! Once I stop laughing, I'll give them a link to my blog and all the posts I dedicated to them.

And so there you have it, folks. You are now all up to date on our front-loader!

{SHOOT. I totally did not mean for this to turn into another washing machine post!! It was just supposed to be a short update...not an entire post! Ok, part two of my "Tying Up Some Loose Ends" will come soon....and in it I will reveal what my super awesome halloween costume idea was...}

The "F" Word

2009-10-13T20:51:00.006-04:00

Remember Matthew's class and their alphabetical snacks?

Well, he's learning about the letter "F" this week. And today he came home with a handout from the teacher that I absentmindedly read out loud while going through his folder after dinner:

"Today we made a FRUIT FLOAT!
We saw FIZZ when we mixed our rainbow sherbet,
hawaiian punch, and ginger ale.
We are having a FUN "F" week!"

To which my husband spins around and says: "WHAT? We are having a fun 'effin week?! She really said that??? What the heck are they teaching these kids at that school?!"

I about died laughing.

I love Kansas, and people named Jess, and every single one of my blog readers.

2009-10-12T08:57:00.007-04:00

I'm standing here in the kitchen, making eggs and toast, and listening to Special Agent Oso. I've got zero makeup on and look like scary Oprah.

My hair is being held back by sunglasses because I couldn't find a hairband, but the sunglasses were sitting here on my countertop, so why not?

My laundry pile is sky high again because I didn't touch it all weekend, and apparently, no one else in this house wanted to touch it either. Fantastic.

I kept Matthew home from school because he was coughing so bad this morning, but now he's totally made a fool out of me because he is running around like a madman....not coughing at all.

And ~~Jaws~~ Carter is sitting in timeout because he bit Matthew.

My coffee is cold, but I'm still drinking it.

It's only 9:02am but it's already been one of those mornings.

And then this pops up in my Google Alerts....

An article on Kansas.com entitled Five reasons why moms love mommy bloggers.

"Another mom on The Bump, Just Jess, admits she loves following the blogger behind The McMommy Chronicles for similar reasons. "She's a great writer - funny and real. I feel like if we lived near each other, we'd be great friends."

OMG. Seriously, that article should be titled "Why mommy bloggers love moms." because, Just Jess, I have no idea who you are but you just made my whole day SO MUCH BETTER! The best thing about blogging for me is knowing I'm not alone in this crazy ride of motherhood.

So thank you to Just Jess....and EVERY SINGLE ONE of you who are loyal readers of the McMommy Chronicles! Whether you know it or not, you give me a much needed outlet everyday to tell my stories about life. (Did I mention much needed?)

And we would be great friends in real life, wouldn't we?

I'd even put on makeup for you.

Insert Clever Title Post here.

2009-10-11T22:00:00.000-04:00

I should have a great post for you today, but honestly? I just wrote like FIVE GAZILLION GIVEAWAY POSTS on McMommy and Me and it took me all night and I'm tired and hungry and my thumb is sore. I blame the space bar, frankly. I mean, seriously, go count how many spaces I put in the five gazillion giveaway posts I just wrote and try and tell me your thumb wouldn't be sore.

{Hmmm. I wonder if I should have my hands insured. You know, like how shoe models have their feet insured or whatever? Bloggers should really have their typing hands insured. Oh and also their brains. I mean, for the good posts we write. Not junk posts like this one, of course.}

Anyway, feel free to go check those out and win yourself some free BP gasoline and other fun free stuff like gift cards and movies and then let's plan on meeting back here tomorrow morning, ok?