The Cranky Ol' Bat

Happy New Year! Didya Miss The Party?

2007-01-22T08:23:00.000-05:00

Well...for all of you who, like me, just couldn't get it together to party on New Year's (ed. note ~ in "Mel-boring"? Are you #$%&-ing kidding me?), fear not. You can still party like it's 4705!

That's right, baby.....Chinese New Year is coming up on February 18th! Even I can get it together in time for that celebration!

As we say on the lovely and talented Space Coast, Gung Hay Fat Choy, y'all! And since it is the year of the pig, I think we are going to feast on some wonderful pork products.....

But first, just for fun....were you born under the correct Chinese sign?

You Were Actually Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away.
You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others.
You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships.
Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations.

You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Full of spunk, you are the original party animal.
You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event.
Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge.
Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun.

You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

Happy.....Whatever!

2006-12-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

I am getting less and less keen on all this holiday stuff. It's gotten too damn complicated....and that's just in my family and friends.

My sister in law is a pagan who practices....I dunno what she calls it. Nature worship, I think. It involves a lot of herbal crap, I know that much. I think her big holiday is the Solstice. How she observes it is something I'm not quite clear on, but I'm pretty sure candles are involved. Possibly some Celtic chanting. And of course, herbal crap.

WHY I HATE IT: I can sometimes barely get all my shopping done by the 25th, or by the cutoff for shipping to arrive before the 25th. Now I have to get it done four days earlier. @#$%!!!!! (That's Celtic for "excrement".)

My brother is an atheist. This year. Heaven only knows what he's going to be next year. Maybe reform Buddhist. He usually celebrates Festivus. Festivus is great since it's theoretically anti-commercial, but now you can get greeting cards for it, so that's debatable.

WHY I HATE IT: My brother vehemently denies the existence of God and the materialism of Christmas, yet expects a present on the 25th and doesn't confine his "airing of grievances" to just one day. Plus....I bet he secretly puts up an artificial metal pole (silver spray painted PVC pipe), but my sister in law won't confirm it.

One of my best friends is Jewish, so I have to shop for Chanukah. Any holiday that encourages the eating of latkes and donuts is fine by me! (If it wasn't for the "no bacon" rule, I could happily be Jewish.) But trying to find Chanukah wrapping paper or other supplies can be a real bitch sometimes. Luckily I live in one of the more Jewish areas of the country now, so it's easier and the selection is better.

WHY I HATE IT: Ok, I don't really hate it. I love her to death, but the fact that Chanukah jumps around every freakin' year is a pain in the ass. Some years I can hit the after Christmas sales and get smoking deals for her, other years, nope....full retail. And I gotta shop and send it early those years, too!

Me & the hubby celebrate Christmas.

WHY I HATE IT: If I hear one more freakin' escapee from the Arctic north bitch and moan about "it doesn't feel like Christmas without snow", I'm going postal. I used to enjoy the blank stares when I would confront particularly annoying idiots with a "what the @#$% kind of weather do you think Bethlehem is having, you @#$%?" when I lived in Phoenix. After all, the climate is similar. But it's harder here in the swamp. Besides, it seems that half of these whiners are from Noo Yawk or Noo Joisey.....and not a single one of them remembered to bring along decent pizza. Wankers, every one of 'em!

Kwanzaa starts the day of Christmas. Or the day after it. I'm not sure. But I really enjoy wishing my pale buddies "Happy Kwanzaa!", just because I'm more than a little insane. I'm sure that my friends, the "Brave Ebony Warrior" and "Ethiopian Princess", enjoy their annual email greetings from their friend, the "Nubian Nut".

Any holiday with a Swahili greeting of "Habari Gani!" (loosely translated as, "What up?") can't be all bad.

WHY I HATE IT: Ok, I don't really hate this holiday either. But the candelabra thingy is a blatant rip off of Chanukah. Yeah, I know....different colored candles and all that. Tell me with a straight face that you didn't think of Chanukah the first time you saw that thingy....whatever it's called. Plus all this "traditional African holiday" crap is just that, crap. It was celebrated for the first time in....are you ready?.....California. 1966.

I'm sure there's some Muslim holiday going on now, too. I think it's called Eid. All I know is the guvmint sells stamps for your Eid greetings right now. I guess it officially made the big time if they are selling commemorative stamps. I was hoping they might use one of the cartoons from Denmark on them, but....no joy for me. Damn.

WHY I HATE IT: General principles, plus I'm not keen on any religion that won't let me walk around half nekkid, insist on being treated as a man's equal, drink beer and eat BBQ pork. I'll give up one, maybe two on a special holiday, but not all four. No way, no how.

I'm sure I missed out on mentioning some Shinto day of joy, or some festival the Australian aborigines are observing. Sorry.

Look on the bright side. At least I didn't offend you in this missive.

Ah, hell. Got to get to the post office before it closes. It should be fun standing in line with the Tsarevich this year. Oh, yeah....I'll give him some eats and a clean nappy first, just to be on the safe side.

In case my cards and packages are late.....Happy Whatever. May it be peaceful, may you be surrounded by the ones you love, and may you have plenty of delectable holiday goodies to share. Remember that at this time of year, they are all calorie free. Seriously. It's part of the holiday magic we all treasure.

Take care and best of everything, no matter what you celebrate.

Santa Is A Jerk!

2006-12-02T13:45:00.000-05:00

Remember those old animated Rankin-Bass Christmas specials from back in the late 60's-70's? I was thinking about when Joey will finally be big enough to watch them ~~with me, but first....go get Mommy a beer!!~~ and enjoy the stories.

Anyway, I saw this and it states one thing I always thought about "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", but in much politer terms.....that is, someone definitely needs an ass-kicking in that story, and it ain't Rudolph.

It never was a mystery to me why that one little elf wanted to be a dentist. Halitosis wouldn't be so bad as workin' for Da Christmas Man.

------------------------------

UPDATE: No, I am not going to send my little boy on a beer run. Geez. I'll just teach him how to operate the blender so Mommy can have her frosty margaritas.

ANOTHER UPDATE: You do realize I'm joking, right???

Pick a Card, Any Card.....

2006-11-25T11:45:00.000-05:00

Did I ever tell youse guys that I used to read Tarot cards for fun & amusement? No? Well....I did. Great party trick, I must say. I wasn't half bad at it, either. I didn't manage to pick up any hot guys with it, but there were quite a few people who said, "Wow, you can tell that about me from the cards?"

Erm, yeah.

Actually, there was a few lines that you could pretty much say to anyone and they would fit. Things like "you sometimes feel misunderstood.....you feel like you have to act one way in public that totally contradicts how you feel in private.....your teenage years were difficult....you feel the opposite sex is a mystery you will never completely understand.....". Sure, some of the cards "meant" something or other, but if you went totally general and tailored the answer to reflect their feedback, you could get "amazing" results.

Coming from a long line of con artists and bullshitters par excellence probably helps, too.

The card below was never one that I picked to represent myself in a reading (I was taught that you normally use one of the "face" cards in the Minor Arcana, or "suits", not one of the Major Arcana ones to represent yourself. It smacks of egotism, especially if you chose something like "The High Priestess" or "Death". Yeah, riiiiiight, buddy!)

That being said, I always did like this card. I've depended on unexpected help coming at my hour of need throughout my entire life.... ;)

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Hat tip to Suzanne for this one.

Check out the link and see what comes up for you. Oh, and don't forget....if you do, tell me if you think it accurately depicts who you are or not.

Especially if you get "The High Priestess" or "Death". (BTW, Death is not a bad card in the Tarot deck. There truly are no bad cards in the deck, regardless of what someone tells you. Anyone who says they can "predict your death through the cards" is full of it, but you knew that already, didn't you? I mean, if it were possible, tarot card readers should be able to see it coming and make necessary arrangements, right? So if it comes up, be sure to share. Chances are it is NOT predicting your imminent demise. Honestly. Any decent card reader could tell you that.)

But the two of pentacles, however......that card.......well, oh, boy....it means.....if I were you.....

gotcha!! ;)

I'm the World's Worst Mommy.....And I'm Surprisingly OK With That

2006-11-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

Yup, you read that right.

I've only been doing my new gig for a little over six weeks. I have since found out that I have done irreparable damage to Joey in so many different ways, it's amazing he still breathes without assistance....and has even thrived.

A modern freakin' miracle, lemme tell ya....

What has the poor child endured, you ask?

Let's start from the beginning.

1) I had him via cesarean section. I get a marginal pass on that one, since it turned out I would have needed an emergency one anyway. Joey's cord was going to be delivered before he was if I had insisted on going for a normal birth. That was a recent development that didn't show up on my last ultrasound, and something the doctor only found out about once he cut me open. My reason (eighteen hours of labor, stalled progress, possible stuck shoulder leading to potential paralysis for the rest of his life in said shoulder, and a very large baby at 10 lbs, 2 oz.) still doesn't cut it with some birth nazis.

2) I actually used the term "birth nazi" when I couldn't stand how this one broad was pontificating about how anesthesia during childbirth was a crutch and there was no real reason for epidurals.

Me and my mouth dug that hole even deeper when I stated that once we started having "natural tooth extractions" or "natural appendectomies" I'd reconsider my position that the whole no-anesthesia shtick is just misogynistic crap perpetrated by some misguided male physicians and self-hating women. (Ever notice how all the "natural childbirth" philosophies were started by men? Lamaze, Bradley, Dick-Read....all men. After all, childbirth has been painless for men for centuries.....)

At least I put a sock in it before I blurted "Why the hell didn't you just squat in a field then, instead of forcing other women to hear you scream while they were giving birth? You think we wanted to hear a complete stranger screech for hours down the hallway, honey? Listening to that howling sure wasn't part of my birth plan." The birth nazi was ready to kill me as it was. No need to spike the ball.

3) Oh yeah, my birth plan. That's a good one.

For those of you who are birthin' virgins, a birth plan is where you plot out how you are going to bring your kid into the world. You specify who will be allowed in the room, if it's going to be immortalized on video, and what drugs, if any, you want available. It seems like a lot of them involve scented candles, soft music, and lights turned down low. Kinda like a seduction scene, only no booze (dammit!!), and the nudity involved isn't particularily erotic.

My birth plan didn't involve any of that. I knew damn well that I really wasn't in control of the circumstances. Whether it was going to be easy or difficult would be impossible to predict. So my birth plan went something like this:

I go to the hospital. I bug the crap out of everyone by asking anyone within earshot for an epidural the minute I walk in the door. Receptionists, food delivery people, other expectant parents checking in, janitors who don't speak English, nurses....I beg them all for blessed relief. Finally they have enough of me and arrange to get me the good stuff to shut me up. I consider naming my son after the anesthesiologist if he gets there in a reasonable amount of time. I deliver the kid....somehow. Maybe vaginally, maybe c-section, could be out my damn ear for all I know. I leave a few days later with the most beautiful baby boy ever born in Florida.

Unlike the scented candle crowd, I fulfilled my birth plan completely. (Candles aren't allowed in the hospital....fire hazard. Oops.)

4) I apparently have doomed my son for years of embarrassment in the showers at high school by not circumcising him. I don't know, but the idea of whacking off part of his anatomy without anesthesia didn't appeal to me much. And yes, with the set of lungs this kid has, I would have known exactly when it was happening. Hell, I could hear it when the nurses changed his diaper and I was still coming out of the anesthesia for my c-section. That was bad enough.

I might have reconsidered for religious reasons if we were Jewish. But even though our last name sounds Jewish, we're not. So with that reason gone, we decided to go with the American Association of Pediatricians recommendations and skip it.

Besides, if he wants it done later, I'd rather that he would be old enough to say if he needed more anesthesia, thankyouverymuch.

What the hell are guys doing staring at each other's schlongs in the shower, anyway??? Ewwww!!

5) He has had formula. Quite a bit of it. He will have more in the future.

To some women (usually the birth nazi type), this is tantamount to child abuse. Yet my son wasn't gaining enough weight until I supplemented. Go figure.

6) After determining that I can't make enough milk to breastfeed only, I've decided to look upon breastmilk as an appetizer or dessert for the little mite. Yes, I've tried everything including fenugreek (it made me smell like an IHOP), mother's milk tea (I hate licorice-tasting crap like anise, but I'd still probably be drinking it if it didn't give me horrible stomach cramps that made me crawl to the bathroom....not a good thing when you are recovering from a c-section), and oatmeal. At least the oatmeal didn't taste horrible, especially with a smidgeon of strawberry jam. I've tried all the miracle cures, but nothing has helped increase the supply. I'm at peace with the fact that I cannot be a walking milk bar.

Otherwise, to be honest, I'd have given up weeks ago. Let's face it. It's boring and hurts like hell. The minute Joey sprouts teeth and bites me is the minute I quit doing it. I am not going to be one of those women who breastfeed for four years. No way, no how.

7) I didn't save his cord blood in case he gets a horrible disease sometime in the future. I decided to spend that money (approximately $1500 to start, with about $100 to $200 in annual storage fees thereafter) for his college savings instead.

8) I don't use cloth diapers. I'd consider it if there was a diaper service in Brevard County, but I can't stomach the idea of washing them out myself. Trust me, there have been some of them that could only be described as "unholy". Thank God I could toss 'em and not have to see them ever again once they go to the diaper pail.

and finally

9) I'm vaccinating my child. He's getting all his shots. Hell, I'd arrange to get him the ones for yellow fever and cholera if I could. Hemmorhagic fever? Sure! Bring it on! If there was one for ebola, he'd be poked for that, too. My family has wandered the globe even before there was a term like "the Jet Set". I don't know where this little guy will wander, but I sure as hell don't want him picking up evil microbes if it can be avoided.

I don't buy all this "vaccinations cause autism" crap. If it was true, then why have the rates of autism continued to go up even after they've taken thimerosal (a mercury-based preservative that theoretically causes autism to this conspiracy crowd) out of the shots in the mid-90's? Could it be better diagnosis, like in the case of ADD? Funny, but I never see anyone claiming that vaccinations cause ADD like they supposedly cause autism, and rates of both have skyrocketed. Hmmm.

As long as there are a bunch of people running around leaving their kids vulnerable to things like whooping cough, measles and mumps, you bet I'm getting Joey poked. A tiny little shot that makes him (ok, me too, when I see him screech in pain) cry for five minutes is better than a vigil at his bedside hoping that he doesn't get some of the nasty aftermath of the above diseases....especially when he didn't have to go through the infection in the first place.

What's worse is that virtually all of those diseases are preventable with a tiny little stick. I don't understand how some people still can risk their children's health that way.

All three of those diseases I mentioned are on the upswing. With the amount of world travel that we take for granted, are you really that sure that we couldn't have a possible polio outbreak, for example? Talk to the Saudis about that....they had one during the hajj. People from literally every part of the planet participate in that, and then fly home. We didn't get an outbreak, but Nigeria did. Some of their "enlightened religious leaders" counseled against vaccinations for boys because they thought they were part of a cunning Jewish plot to make Muslims impotent. I kid you not.

I guess they didn't get the autism memo....

There you have them. Nine instances of bad parenting, depending on who's doing the critique.

Yet, Joey is growing bigger. He's in his 3 month clothes already, with the occasional sneak into the 6 month clothing stash. He's even given me a sweet, toothless smile on occasion, and has babbled excitedly at me. Ok, he's had longer conversations with Mr Bear, but he's still tried to include me in his attempts to talk.

He's even raised his big ol' heavy head to look deeply into my eyes....right before he ripped out a huge belch that startled the dog. It could have been worse. He farted himself awake once and the resulting gas chased his Daddy out of the bedroom. Joey spared me that one.....I guess it was one of those male bonding things I'll never understand.

I'm sure that soon enough he'll let me know just how horrible I am at this whole mommy business. It will probably be around the time that he can fit into the Superman footie jammies (with detachable cape!) that I got him last week instead of the "Beethoven for Baby Geniuses" CD all the good mommies got their little dumplings. I'll give him a time out or a swat on the butt, and he will formally dub me "The Worst Mommy in the World".

Good thing he won't know the half of it, right?

Public Notice of Eviction for Joseph Michael....

2006-09-21T15:40:00.000-04:00

Baby eviction notice: I am issuing a one week notice for EVICTION. Tenant will have seven days in which he can either gather his belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, he will be physically removed from the property.

The tenant is being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made. Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper and lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous camplaints about nightly disturbances.

After seven days from this day, if tenant doesn't comply with this the notice, it will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Yes, it's official. If Joey doesn't git out voluntarily by 28 September at 4 PM EST, a very determined bald man of my acquaintance will make him leave, one way or the other.

Not sure I'm really ready for this, but it's too late now.

Will post pictures of the "evictee" when I can.

Welcome to Holland

2006-09-06T23:52:00.000-04:00

No, I didn't come up with this. Another lady, the mother of a little boy with Downs Syndrome, did a while back. I remember reading it in Readers' Digest a long time ago.

Maybe you've read it too, a while back. I'm reprinting it here, now.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Thank you, Emily Perl Kingsley, wherever you are.

I'm an Aunt! For Real This Time!

2006-09-06T19:26:00.000-04:00

That's the good news.....and I'm proud to announce the birth of the most beautiful little girl in our family since 1967.....hat tip to Alena Joyce, born 9/6/06 in Scottsdale, Arizona around 1 pm.

Then there is the not-so-good news.

She's in the NICU. The doctors are 90 percent certain that she has Downs Syndrome.

I wish more than anything that I could be there with Alena, her mother Mary, and my brother George right now. I know there is not one damn thing I could do for any of them, but being stuck here, unable to travel, makes me and the Tsar feel so helpless.

I could hear my brother's heart breaking from thousands of miles away as he told me the news. And there wasn't one damn thing I could do or say to make it better. For the first time in my life, I really feel like I have somehow failed on my promise to always watch out for him that I made back when I was nineteen at the side of my mother's hospital bed (and repeated at my father's side when I was twenty-five).

I have never before greeted the birth of a child with such a mix of joy and tears like I have right now. The thing is, all of us thought if any child were likely to be born with this condition, it would be our Joey, since I'm well into my thirties and at the age where doctors "strongly encourage" amnios. Alena's mom is only 19, so the doctors pretty much decided that based on her age alone, there was only about a 1 in 5000 chance.

Looks like Alena is that 1 in 5000.

This was completely unexpected. Of all the different things any of us thought would happen, no way did we anticipate this. What her future will be is a mystery. The dreams and hopes we had for her will have to change.

There are a few things, however, very positive things, I do know right now.

I won't be convinced otherwise that little Alena doesn't have two special guardian angels who will be with her always. One's a cranky former Lithuanian airplane mechanic, the second's a irritable former Slovenian airline ticket agent. I'm not sure they could stand each other in life.

They wouldn't be anywhere else now but at the side of their first grandchild, a beautiful little girl blessed with dark hair and blue eyes, named after her great-grandmother.

Most of all, there is no possibility that there is another child in Arizona who could possibly be more fiercely loved and cherished tonight than Alena Joyce.

Welcome to the world, precious little girl, from a loving aunt and proud uncle who can't wait to meet you someday soon.

UPDATE: Alena has a heart defect. She was born without a pulmonary valve. The doctors have given her medication to keep a blood vessel open between her pulmonary artery and her aorta to help keep her stable until they can determine what surgical options they have for her. A pediatric cardiologist at Phoenix Children's Hospital will make the determination soon.

I've been staying up looking up "pulmonary atresia" (the name of her condition) on the web, and the good news is it looks like it generally can be treated successfully. Maybe my favorite little girl just caught a break today. I sure hope so.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Ok, I've had some time to do some research on the 'net about Downs Syndrome. I now feel fully qualified to make the following assumptions about Alena and her future.

(Ahem! Had to clear my throat there.)

1. She already is smarter than Cameron Diaz and Jessica Simpson. Combined.
2. When she does learn to talk, she will be far more articulate than Paula Abdul critiquing an American Idol contestant.
3. She'll have more sense than to dress skanky like Christina Aguilera.
4. If she decides to take up acting, no way could she possibly be as bad as Paris Hilton or Mariah Carey.
5. She'll be intelligent enough to know that Kevin Federline is not marriage material.
6. She'll probably never jump on a couch again after the age of seven, unlike Tom Cruise.
7. She'll never show up on the daytime talk shows with ten guys trying to figure out who is the "babydaddy".

I'm not going to deny that she will have a more challenging life. That's for certain. But at least she'll never embarrass the family in those seven ways....and for that, I'll be eternally grateful.

Still Alive, Still Bloated, Still Lucky

2006-08-02T23:12:00.000-04:00

I know I've been horrible about posting here. Can't help it, really. Got a lovely symptom that I did not know existed prior to early July.....pregnancy related carpal tunnel.

Yup. Not only has my tummy swelled, and my poor feet and ankles, so have my fingers and hands. On a good hour, I've just got tingling in my fingertips. Bad moments mean it's to the point where I would sneak an ibuprofen if I thought I could get away with it. Really bad? Let's put it this way.....I'd get hammered if I could hold a glass in my clenched hands, but knowing Joey would be joining me for a margarita or a pharmaceutical happy pill stops me cold. If he wants to indulge when he's 21, ok. But at 31 weeks in utero, he's still too little to give any kind of consent.

Right now, having a pretty good hour, hence the update.

Basically, what has happened is that I've turned into a big, bloated, giant sponge. I retain water like Bounty, I swear. I can literally feel the water sloshing around on the top of my feet when I walk sometimes. Cankles? Oh....you betcha.

Yes, most preggos get that. Big honking deal. But I'm special and it's also backing up into my hands. The water presses onto the nerves in my wrists and fingers, not that there is much space there to start with.

Treatment consists of wearing hand braces almost all day and night long, with the occasional Tylenol when I completely lose my mind and think that it might help. (Never helped me before unless it had codeine in the mix. I pretend it does and pray for a placebo effect, or some distraction to take my mind off of it.)

So, why lucky?

Easy.....my blood pressure is right where it should be. Just passed (barely) my gestational diabetes test, so as long as I stick more or less to the diet all should be well without having to take insulin shots. I'm pretty much textbook with this pregnancy, and all my appointments have been boring. No drama, no "baby at risk" scenarios that the Discovery Health channel makes specials about. The amnio came back perfectly normal, his heart rate is strong, and he thankfully doesn't enjoy kicking the crap out of my kidneys, bladder, or lungs. Joey's a pretty lazy little lump, but a healthy one.

I've pretty much got the one complication that completely spares our little boy, and should go away completely shortly after he arrives.

Considering all the things that could go wrong, damn straight I'm lucky. And you can't convince me otherwise.

It's starting to ramp up on the pain, so I'm ending this entry for now. I'll post when I can, and hope you all are doing well!

They Say Three's a Charm....

2006-07-05T08:30:00.000-04:00

So, I've started to wonder what tax will be imposed next on air travelers, especially ones in Europe.

If you have decided to travel to France, be prepared to pay anywhere from $5 to $50 for a special levy designed to wipe out poverty and all its ills, such as the lack of vaccines for malaria and treatments for tuberculosis. France has started to impose this tax on 1 July. The rate charged depends on factors like distance travelled and what class ticket you have purchased.

Brazil, Britain, Chile, Congo, Cyprus, France, Ivory Coast, Jordan, Luxembourg, Madagascar, Mauritius, Nicaragua, and Norway have all stated that they will begin to raise revenue for this program shortly. Twenty-five other countries are looking into joining them.

The program will be administered, apparently, by the United Nations.

I guess they have some people looking for work after "Oil for ~~Kickbacks~~ Food" was shut down.

Then came word that the European Parliament has approved a tax to pay for the environmental impact of aviation within its borders (for now....look for it to expand to all flights within a few years if they get their way). This one is substantially higher.....a passenger could face a tax of nearly $73 per round-trip ticket at current exchange rates. This would virtually wipe out any savings that the traveling public would have by patronizing discount carriers like RyanAir or EasyJet.

How severe a problem are the emissions?

In 2003, international aviation accounted for approximately 5% of CO₂ emissions. Domestic aviation in Britain accounted for 0.5% of CO₂ emissions.

Apparently this will encourage Europeans to take their nice train systems instead, which are powered by electricity that somehow is generated with no emissions at all through some super science we are too lazy to adopt here in the States. Either that, or they will drive their nice, emission-free cars all over the place.

(I am a liberal arts graduate, so excuse me if my lack of detailed scientific knowledge makes me a mite skeptical that this would be an improvement for the environment.)

They are also looking into a way to tax for contrails. Yep, those wispy bits of water condensation in the wake of an airliner. Supposedly their presence adds to global warming. However, a study completed in the wake of 11 Sep 2001 in the United States showed that the three days after the tragedy (when there were no contrails except for those coming from military aircraft) experienced an increase in temperature of 1 degree Celsius.

Oops.

Now, I'm left to wonder what other tax travelers will be facing before the year is out. A flush tax for using the onboard loo? (After all....those blue chunks can be scary!) A legroom tax? (Those bastards who are six and a half feet tall should pay more for making me feel intimidated at five foot eight, dammit!) Maybe a tax to compensate for all the tiny little bits of rubberized material that flake off when a plane lands, or for the birds who get sucked into the engines?

I'll keep you posted, but in the meantime....what do you think is the next goofy idear they're going to feature in "Pin the Tax on the Tourist"??

Found the Best Place for the Fourth of July

2006-07-04T23:30:00.000-04:00

It's right in my backyard, too!

Go to the Banana River in Brevard County (part of the Intercoastal Waterway), just off of Indialantic in a little boat. You'll get to see the displays put on by the cities of Melbourne, Palm Bay.....and the unofficial ones put on by the homeowners who shoot all kinds of fireworks off of their docks. Surprisingly none of them caught fire, though one dork was aiming the pyrotechnics right at his own dock.

The breeze was constant and cool. It was a night made for being lazy and sippin' the beverage of your choice.

Happy 230th, America!

My Love Is Like a Red, Red Rose.....Literally!

2006-06-30T08:38:00.001-04:00

Any schmo can get a girl some roses. If you have a few thou lying around, you can get the ultimate treatment for your beloved. That's right, a rose named after him or her. Drop 75k, and you can turn it into a vacation he or she will never forget.

There's already an orange rose that has the first name of the Tsar, so I guess I won't be doing this any time soon. Ok, it wasn't officially named after him, true....but I can pretend it was. If you are interested in a floral tribute to someone you adore, click on the link above.

One little hint, however.....if it's fragrance you're after, skip the red roses. There is a strange little genetic quirk with them that tends to eliminate or completely kill the possibility of a lovely fragrance. Go for a lavender/purple variety, since they tend to have the strongest perfume. Yellows, pinks, and whites can also be surprisingly strong.

Greatest Commercial Ever Made?

2006-06-30T08:34:00.000-04:00

Well, a British guy named Dave thinks this television ad is.

Very politically incorrect. May offend radical feminists. May annoy other women, though....especially when they see what they're fighting over.

Bono's Day Job is Secure...

2006-06-29T17:39:00.000-04:00

But this is still pretty cool in a weird way.....

(Tip o' the hat to Rantburg! BTW, changed my nom de guerre over there. I'm now Swamp Blondie.)

Not really sure if this is safe for work or not, but the song sure is catchy! (no skin, no nudity....just weird.)

The Latest Innovation in Airfare Sites

2006-06-23T10:10:00.000-04:00

Want a good idea where travel booking sites could be headed in the future? Check out FlySpy. It's still in the very early stages (as in, if you ain't flying out of Minneapolis, it's not going to help you much right now), but the premise is a good one.

Say you want to take off to Hawaii, but want to see when the cheapest time to fly would be over the next 30 days. A couple of clicks, and you know when to schedule your vacation to save some serious bucks on the airfare.

The Plaza is Gone.....What Happened to Eloise?

2006-06-23T08:40:00.000-04:00

Sure, Eloise never really existed. But the fantasy of living in a hotel persists.

Some people actually get to live the dream. That's right.....maid service, fresh towels, the works.

Of course, it ain't cheap. But if you ever wanted to know what it was like before you shelled out your lottery winnings, read the article and daydream away.

How to Navigate the Streets in the City With the Second-Worst Drivers in America

2006-06-23T03:51:00.000-04:00

Yes, second worst. Hate to say it, but my ol' hometown has nada on Central Floridians. ("Tailgating...it's a way of life!!" More on that some other time, however.)

As a public service to the traveler, may I present:

Phoenix Driving Rules

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE - niks."

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to 10:00a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways-I-10, I-17, U.S. 60, Loop 202 -- is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop 101, where the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less is considered wimpy.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires go after that. (Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.)

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever..... Seriously!

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9 . You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10" are all names for the same road.

10. To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-the Beginning and the End.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

12. If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

14. You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and fingers during the summer driving months. PS: It was 123 degrees in Bull Head City on 7/21/05 !!!!

15. If you are driving next to someone in June, July, August or September and they have their car windows open "DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT", they have enough problems already.

16. Leaving your closed can of pop in the car during the above same months, will result in the creation of a explosive device equal to a that of a small atomic bomb.

17.A cup of coffee left in your car in the morning will be hotter when you come back in the afternoon.

18. License plates are now "optional" in Arizona.

19. Contrary to popular belief, "Snowbirds" do not "fly".

20. 4x4 vehicles are standard for Phoenix valley highway driving - in case of that "sudden" blizzard in July.

Hip Travel Tip for the Nude Dude!

2006-06-21T10:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, he knows who he is. He's wanted to go to a nudist resort for a long time, and I think I found just the place for him to go....

No, it's not a resort recommendation. What this link takes you to is apparently the unofficial US capital of nudist resorts. Bring your sunscreen and your bug spray, kiddo....and it may not be such a bad idea to bring the 'gator bat, too. (After all, you should have plenty of room in your luggage, since clothing is optional, right?) This county has quite the selection for the growing market, every thing from a $300 per night luxury villa to a RV park.

And before you ask....no one really needs to see a rather pregnant chick exposing her soon-to-be firstborn to the sun. Don't look for me there any time soon.

How to Know if You are Really Rich

2006-06-19T08:29:00.000-04:00

Well, wait and see how you die, according to this article.

I know the answer for me...slightly affluent but not rich. I'm not going to meet the Reaper in a private plane crash any time soon.

I guess I should be taking a second look at the cities listed in this article, listing eight cheap places that are desirable (not so sure about Prescott, AZ being cheap, however, but it sure is pretty.)

An Inconvenient Question, Perhaps.....

2006-06-19T06:44:00.000-04:00

I know that I originally started this as a more-or-less travel related blog. But lately I've been pondering political things far more than where to find great travel discounts.

I blame Joey for that. I don't doubt that having him is a good move. On the contrary, I can't wait to see the result of my impromptu genetic experiment (mix one Old World Slavic gentleman with a New World Slavic/Baltic hellraiser, and what will you get? Hmmm.....LET'S TRY IT OUT AND SEE IF WE ROLL SEVENS OR SNAKE EYES!!!).

I also can't wait to take him to some of the amazing and beautiful places in the world, to watch him grow, and see him master knowledge that I never could, due to my own lack of talent in that area and/or the fact the technology required still may not exist for a few years, and he'll be in the perfect age group to conquer it. You know....like why my parents could never program the VCR while their lazy lump of a daughter sittin' on the couch, familiar with most things computer, did it in a matter of minutes without even looking at the stupid manual. That kind of thing.

When I say political, yes, I mean personal things, mainly regarding being a chick who is going to be a mother. Considering all politics is at heart really about your own selfish interests, whatever they may be, that's natural. I'm looking at the world in a different light....and quite frankly, I don't get it.

I never paid much attention to all this "working vs stay at home mommy" stuff, believe it or not. I figured I'd make up my mind when the time came along. I gave up on planning my life for decades in the future based on incomplete current knowledge once I realized that life can and will throw you a curveball now and then, and wreck all your detailed plans in a blink of an eye. The twenty-year-old me could never have predicted that one day I'd have in-laws in Russia and be living in Florida (Florida!!) of all places, instead of married to that idjit I picked up at the campus radio station and living in some terminally hip metropolis.

Thank God for that! That idjit is probably splitting the ramen soup package into a lunch and dinner portion. I only wonder what he eats first....the salty broth or the tasteless noodles.

Anyway, I guess I'm just paying better attention to that stuff when it hit me. In every article about the plight of the working mother, the author keeps bringing up the childcare paradise that is Europe (ok, paradise in the writer's humble opinion) and how inadequate America is by comparison. Name the stat, and we're at the bottom.....no paid maternity/paternity leave, 80% of American childcare facilities suck, it costs a fortune even to have childcare that sucks, you have to start looking for it even before you conceive in some places, and the staff sticks around for maybe six weeks before quitting. Live-in help? Yeah, that's a good one....if you have a spare 30k or so, and can overlook the fact she's going to start smacking the kid around five minutes after you leave with a rubber hose (don't wanna leave any marks that might mess up the family Christmas portrait, right?) Meanwhile, Europe has universal day care, maternity leave for a year (or more), on-site pediatric care for sick children at said centers, hell...maybe even a place to drop off your dry cleaning and pick up a hot meal to go when you get the kidlet after work.

It sounds pretty sweet. I can't deny that. I applied at one company back in Phoenix before I moved (USAA insurance) because they offered such a facility to their employees as a benefit, and I was still on the Pill at the time.

Of course, in the description of this paradise, there's always a mention of how some past president (usually one of the Republican ones) shot down some spending bill that could have provided the exact same system here in America. Wrap it up with a "maybe our daughters will have a system like they do in Europe if we ever grow up" paragraph, and voila, you have an article ready for publication, possibly even a Newsweek cover story.

Uh.....not so fast, sister.

If it's all so perfect over there in Europe, how come most European women have only one kid, if they have any at all, whereas here in America, with our Neanderthal system, many women have two or even more?

Stop and think about it for a second. If it was really all that great as the writers seem to think it is over there, the Continentals should be pumping out the little ones like crazy. Peg Perego shouldn't have to export a single damn stroller to the US, because Italy (population growth rate one of the world's lowest at 1.2 kids per woman) would be using every one they produce. After all, they have all the things that a mother should need to support her and her child, according to these experts.

So, why are the governments over there offering to pay women to have more kids? The Tsar's own homeland, Russia, recently joined the trend of proposing a monthly stipend for each child born to Russian parents to shore up the population decline. I told the Tsar that maybe we should sign up Joey for it, since after all, he's half Russian and we could use the $30 or so every thirty days to save up for his future college tuition. I had to reassure him I was kidding to get him to stop glaring at me (truthfully, I was half kidding....anything extra in the college kitty is welcome, don't ya know?).

I haven't seen anything in our media about "Bonuses for Brats" offered by the President or Congress to shore up the American birth rate, currently at about 2.1, or replacement level, for you statistics freaks.

A couple of countries have stopped talking about it and actually have those bonuses. Their birthrates barely budged.

Something just doesn't add up.

There are groups in Europe that have as many kids as Americans do, and even more. They're called immigrants. They don't use the day care centers lauded in the articles, even though they are relatively cheap and are all over the place. They are precisely the ones that most European politicians wish would stop having rugrats, since in a few years, they fear that their native languages will be pushed aside in favor of the newcomers' Arabic, Turkish and African ones.

So, maybe it's time to look at it from a different perspective. What are we doing right after all, if women feel that two or three is a good number (like I still do, even though I'm getting a late start) while Europeans think that maybe only one is doable, if that, in spite of all the extra help?

Don't give me this "we're all buying into the patriarchy" crap, either. My generation, and the one after it just coming into adulthood, feature some of the most outspoken females ever unleashed on this great land, and that's saying something right there. American chicks have always been on the feisty side. We were brought up to believe that we could do virtually everything a man can do, and dammit, a lot of my friends have managed to get there, more or less. (One can even pee standing up. It's frightening, really. No, it's not me, and I won't tell you who it is.)

It's a cultural thing, IMHO. Whenever I tell the Tsar that I bought something for Joey with the express intention of also using it for the next possible child, he gets this "you sure you don't just want one?" thing going. Many of his Russian friends have stopped at one, even though they live here now. It usually keeps going until I say something like "Ok, we'll see if we can handle only Joey. But I still want the option of another one in a couple years.....and you better give me a girl next time!"

Yeah, I'm bowed by the patriarchy, aren't I?

He may be descended from the same stock that pushed the Nazis back at Stalingrad, but he ain't winning this battle.

Back to the original question: what gives with the kiddie situation, and could it be possible that maybe we are doing something right in spite of all the things that these "experts" tell us we are screwing up? After all, if I thought this planet was incredibly farked up beyond saving, the last thing I would want to do is bring an innocent life into this mess. And in spite of not having any idea where I could get decent childcare out here in Redneck Rocket Scientist Land, I'm still planning on having more than one, unlike my European counterparts.

Discuss.

I Guess I'm Still a Liberal, But.....

2006-06-16T08:04:00.000-04:00

I could have written a lot of this post, too.

I guess there are more of us out there than the media would like you to believe there are, with their focus on nutjobs like Howard Dean, the Daily Kos crowd, and other idiots who don't understand why "Zionazi" is such an offensive, ignorant word.

It's been pretty damn weird the last couple of years. Most of my friends are over on the liberal side, too. I've noticed more and more of them starting up with crap like "Bushitler", "Chimpy Cheney McHalliburton", "the election was stolen....twice!!", "Bush knew there were no WMD's", blah blah blah.

Enough already with this crap, ok? You don't like the president? Fine, I don't either most of the time. But you're not acting any more mature than the idiots who were equating Bill Clinton (or usually more often, Hillary) with communism.

Grow the hell up, dammit!!!

There were a few things that Mr Swirsky did not address in his post that I want to add.

1) The Democrats are not going to win a single damn Presidential election until they put up a candidate who will actually admit that Islamic terrorism is a bad thing, and mean it. That means no Dean, no Murtha, no Pelosi, no Reid.

I frankly am tired of hearing justifications for them blowing shit up that usually involve some blame on our part. I just want them to stop it, immediately. If they won't do it voluntarily, then I guess we have to bring enough pain to make them understand this is not a winning strategy. Yes, it's part of the "You can make me cry, but I can decapitate your sorry ass and leave nothing to bury" kind of thinking that conservatives tend to have. So be it. For once they may be right.

And please, no nominees who blew their previous chances trying yet again to sell themselves to the American public. Tell Al Gore to go back to his farm in Tennessee (give the boy a map, he's probably forgotten where it is, anyway), and tell Kerry to go get Teresa's dry cleaning and shut the hell up about lucky hats from CIA operatives in Cambodia.

Get someone like Lieberman and maybe, maybe you have a shot. Yes, I know, that would mean taking into account flyover country's feelings about the War on Terror, or "al-Qaeda in Iraq which has absolutely no connection to al-Qaeda in the rest of the world" as portrayed in the NY Times. Deal with it. You need their votes.

Being condescending might get you some bandwidth on Atrios, but being respectful might get you the White House. What do you want....power or another four-year whine fest?

2) Knock it off with the anti-semitic crap already.

If the Republicans are supposed to be the Nazis, why the hell are you parroting some of their best lines? You know the ones....Jewish money controls the media....there are too many Jews exerting influence over the government and academia....

Damn, why don't you just come out and say that a swarthy Jewish boy is going to defile Aryan nationhood by impregnating our frauleins with mongrel babies, and get it over with? What's next, quotes from the actual Protocols of the Elders of Zion? (Keep the one about Jews making matzoh with blood for Passover season. The voters will be reminded of it every time they go to the store that month and have to pass the kosher food display. Brilliant, no?)

3) There is nothing, I repeat, nothing vaguely honorable about the Palestinians. If they ever do anything that could be considered an improvement of the human condition, I will take it partially back. Two things, and it will be a complete retraction.

My grandchildren will visit Mars before that happens, if they continue their current modes of ~~mis~~behavior.

Bangladesh manages to produce jute for export, for Christ's sake, and that has to be one of the most godforsaken hellholes on the planet. Name one damn thing the Palestinians have ever created, except shrapnel, suicide bombers, and hate propaganda.

4) Illegal aliens are not immigrants. Immigrants file paperwork, wait around for a gazillion years for their green cards to be issued, and pay taxes to the government in the meantime. All the while, they live with the fear that some official might take a personal dislike to them and deport them for any stupid reason you can imagine.

"You've been here a bunch of years, been paying taxes, and have American-born kids? Never broke the law, never even got a speeding ticket? That's fascinating....get yer ass on the bus back to the airport for your one-way ticket to your homeland, and shaddup. No, you don't have Constitutional rights. Sorry."

I know. I'm married to one. You wouldn't have seen him in the marches waving a Mexican flag. He was too busy working, along with his other coworkers from Costa Rica, India and Ireland. They have a project deadline to make.....

If we're lucky, my husband will get a green card by the time our little Joey gets to kindergarten.

If we're not and that bullshit bill sponsored by "Amnesty John" McCain & "Bartender! Make it a Triple!" Ted Kennedy goes through, he'll have to wait until Joey graduates from high school, since we have to take into account that someone who ignored the proper channels to get here was technically in this country before the Tsar was, and in the interests of "fairness"......which apply in a sophisticated manner I'm too stupid to understand.....the illegal gets to cut in line ahead of him by procuring fake documentation and a $1000 or so fine.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was free legal help included. It's a smoking deal....considering we've paid over $3000 for our lawyer, and the bill keeps ratcheting up.

Who knows, we might have the house paid off, the Tsar might have accumulated enough credits with the Social Security system to get a microscopic check when he turns 70, and we just might win the Florida Lottery by the time he gets that card, too. But I keep thinking it will arrive in the mail the day after he dies if this stupid bill goes through.

Thanks so much, Senators, this VOTER and her family and friends who VOTE really appreciate your efforts. By the way, Teddy....FYI....most of these so-called "future voters" tend to turn Republican once they get the power of the ballot box. Don't believe me? Look at the stats for Hispanic voters. Yep, do all you can to ensure your party doesn't get back in.

No wonder the Democrat symbol is the jackass.

Can't you guys go do something else, like take a bribe from a lobbyist?

5) Aw, to hell with it.

I'm just going to come out and say it.

I voted for W and I drive a Subaru and was a guvmint worker for over a decade!

I couldn't stand Kerry. He should have had my vote, but I just couldn't do it.

It wasn't the Botox that made his forehead immovable, his constant invocation of @#$%-ing Vietnam (crap.....he wasn't even there a year! McCain was a prisoner in the Hanoi Hilton for over seven years, and he doesn't bring it up during every damn interview on every damn topic!), or that "I voted for it before I voted against it" crap.

It was his assertion that we could handle bin Laden & Co as an international legal problem. Yes, by all means, bringing him up before the International Criminal Court in the Hague would work so well. They did a bang-up job with Milosevic. Sure, they say he died of a heart attack, but I'd wager it was just boredom after being on trial for ten freaking years with no end to the proceedings in sight. Since they are getting warmed up with the Rwanda case, they should get to ol' Skinny in about 15 more years if we brought him in right now.

It was his assertion that we would not take any action anywhere unless it passed a "global test". I guess that means we would have to get the UN to bless any kind of American military action anywhere. Excuse me while I ponder this, and try to keep from laughing at the idea of a bureaucracy even more bloated than the US government making decisions on our behalf whilst the rest of the world gets to act without their sanction (yes, I'm thinking of France in the Ivory Coast, to be specific).

And finally, it was his assertion that we need to leave Iraq immediately before they even got a government of their own off the ground. I'm still not convinced invading was the best thing to do, but mucking it up and leaving it a mess definitely is not an improvement.

As a matter of fact, Kerry still apparently thinks it's a good idea. Click on the link to read an excerpt of the bill that went down 93-6 that the junior senator from Massachusetts sponsored. It's off his own website. This is what he chose to highlight as positive points for consideration.

If I'm getting the nuances correctly, he wanted us to confer with representatives of Iran and Syria to determine the Iraqis' fate. Yeah, I'm sure they would only have their best interests at heart. Fark the elected government that is currently in place in Iraq, their neighbors (and the other representatives of this "coalition of the stupid") know better. The president would also have to get Congressional blessing on the plan.....forget about what the pesky Constitution says about who gets what governmental powers.

Dear Sweet Mother of God, this nation sure dodged a bullet when this idiot lost the election! I think if he were in, he would have rivaled the glory days of the Carter administration.

(Speaking of Carter, when that buffoon finally shucks his last peanut, I'm throwing a huge ol' party.)

If liberals keep being this nuts, I swear I'm going to put a "Condi 2008" bumper sticker on the back of that Subaru.

Don't make me follow through with that.....

I might not stop there if I start putting stickers on it. It's a Subaru thang, you know.

One of them might even be complimentary to the current Commander in Chief, if you other liberals keep going in this crazy direction.

I swear I'll do it!

(goes off to the corner, holding my head and softly moaning "I can't believe I said that!")

Psst, Buddy......Want a Good Steak?

2006-06-11T05:48:00.000-04:00

And a relatively cheap vacation, too?

Well, pardner, forget about Texas. Yes, there's somewhere better than Texas for beef. The Omaha Steaks people aren't going to bring you these tasty morsels, either. Nope, you gotta dust off that passport and get some funny looking foreign money to enjoy what are the best damn steaks you will ever have.

Don't be put off too much by the title of this article, or by it's discussion of how your retirement dollars will go far here. Delve past the first few paragraphs, and find out where to stay in this little piece of Europe that kind of got lost (in the locals' opinions, anyway.....they think they're Europeans, regardless of what geography says.......)

Leave the A-1 at home, unless you're a Russian.

What is it with Russians and A-1 sauce, anyway? Even the Tsar can't answer that one....

Ever Wanted to Heed Nature's Call in a Meadow?

2006-06-11T05:36:00.000-04:00

Well, then, gents, get yer bladders to Stockholm's Arlanda airport, where lovely glass panels portraying a flower-filled meadow will ease your weary minds.

Us ladies have only the imitation buttercups made out of red glass.

Apparently to cut down on the smell ~~and some guys' lack of proper aim~~, the glass panels were installed to make the urinals more pleasant to use.

If you prefer to look out at the tarmac instead, don't worry, they've accomodated you, too. Just please, try not to "express yourself" on your least favorite carrier should one of their planes go past.....

Airline Strike Watch #54

2006-06-07T12:05:00.000-04:00

Ok, I haven't posted that many yet, but I liked the way it sounded.

The latest company to be a bit wary of in the potential strike department is an old favorite. Northwest's flight attendants have just shot down a contract that the airline claims would have saved it $195 billion. This allows both the airline to rip up the current contract under terms of it's bankruptcy agreement, and sets up a possible strike to be called later this year if the airline follows through on that threat.

Will keep you posted.....

C'mon Now....Baby Needs New Shoes!!

2006-06-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

You'd think that having been to Vegas a few times, I'd know the answer to this, but I don't. Does any casino out there allow you to place a bet on a political race?

The reason I'm asking? I'm convinced that Markos Moulitsas Zuniga of the Daily Kos works for Karl Rove.

Seriously.....he's picked a favorite in twenty different elections. How many have won?

None.

Nada.

Zip.

He places his bets, and rolls snake eyes every single time. His latest bum bet was on the California 50 race. The voters had to pick out a new representative to replace Duke Cunningham, the poster boy for corruption. The Kos champion ran on a platform emphasizing that stirring political value of "competence". If there is one thing to definitely get the voters motivated, it's competence....She got whacked by a former lobbyist.

Right now, he's rivaling the Tampa Bay Bucs of 1976-1977, who got an impressive 0-26 record in their inaugural season.

In the Buccaneers' defense, however, they were a rookie team. Kos was and is a well compensated political operative. It's not like he's picking the winner of the National Spelling Bee. As a professional, he should be able to pick at least one guy or gal who can win an election.

So it got me thinking. Maybe I should find out where I can place a bet on a political race, and scrape together a few dead presidents. Whoever ~~Karl Jr~~ Kos supports.....put it on the opposition, no matter how offensive I might find him or her.

I'll rack up a college fund for my little Joey in no time!!