Who's to say?

if THEY didn't get it...

2009-01-07T22:40:00.001-08:00

Well... it's been awhile since I've posted anything. So I'm mostly figuring that all my family and friends have stopped reading these ramblings of mine. But I came across these old posts by chance and I thought I go ahead and add a new one. It's along the same lines of the rest of the quasi-serious posts here, so I thought it would be a good place to pick back up.

And, to give credit where credit is due... the gist of this idea came from my lovely, and surprisingly wise wife/bff:

So, Jesus was walking around on this planet with these twelve guys for like three years. They ate with him, walked with him, talked with him, and breathed the same air he breathed. Yet even in times near the end of his extensive ministry, Jesus was still telling them things like, "No no no. Don't you guys get it yet? What I've been trying to teach you all along is..."

And now 2,000 years later, in a different time and place and culture, with merely a smidgen of an inkling of all the things he said and did, some of us Christians have the gall to act like we've got it all figured out and everybody else is stupid. If those twelve disciples didn't get it, how can we assume that we've got it down pat?

I'm not trying to say the truth is relative. I'm just saying, "Let's have a little grace. Shall we?"

Mystery

2006-02-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

Besides being a really good for a game of hang-man, mystery is a word that I’ve been thinking about more and more recently. I think God is an awesome mystery! And I think it’s something that we can tend to lose sight of.

The more you know about Him, the more you know how little you really know about Him. It’s impossible to imagine just how big and majestic He really is; which also means it’s impossible to imagine how much grace it takes for Him to be small enough to relate with us.

And I’m beginning to see that I’ve never really been able describe Him. God is a person of boundless love, and endless goodness, and His ways are far above my ways, and His thoughts above my thoughts. And I’m beginning to think that artists have it right. I don’t think all our rational thinking, logical discussion, and concrete doctrine can even begin to define Him. I think the closest pictures of God are seen in music, poetry, and other arts, like dance.

There’s something about music that reaches the heart. And after all, that’s where Jesus lives! The resonance, harmony, and emotion of music can somehow make us aware of Him without a single word. Whereas poetry taps into the essence of words. And after all, Jesus is the Word! God’s words have creative power. And being made in His image, our words can echo that power, reminding us of our Source. And other arts too are able to express these mysteries of God.

I think God is somewhere behind ideas and words, somewhere behind emotions and expressions, behind actions and motives. He’s at least greater than the sum of His parts. He’s spirit, and that alone is mysterious to us body-bound creatures.

Now I guess none of these descriptions are new or fantastic. And I hope you’ve had the chance to learn the same kind of thing in your walk with Him. I guess I’m just trying to share one of recent things I’m learning about Him. As God works and moves in my heart, I’m beginning to see that He is Heart too. And, I know, that sentence doesn’t make sense to me either. But neither does He.

Free Diving

2006-02-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Well I feel like a lot of stuff has been going on, and I’ve been learning a heck of a lot. But every time I set down to blog something I just draw a blank. I suppose, in part, it’s just the frustration of the difficulty in relating the full reality of our experiences to you, our friends and family, who, though caring and concerned and supportive, are in fact thousands of miles away and have a day to get on with. It’s difficult to put 3D, multi-color reality into black and white. Lemme try this:

I think it’s like free-diving. You know, when you take your biggest breath and dive down as deep as you can to reach that green dive toy in the deep end, or to get a closer look at that purple sea urchin. It was a fun struggle against the pressure to get down there, but now you’re running out of breath and you need to get back to the surface quick. You push off the bottom, jet for the top, and you feel your chest quiver as you fight the urge to breath in. Those last 5 feet are the worst, as you feel like your lungs are full of fire, you’re sure you won’t make it. You close your eyes and concentrate, trying to shutting out the pain. You’re…al…most…there.

So imagine that pain is like homesickness. I think that’s kinda where I’m at. But as I close my eyes and concentrate, I find that God is still teaching me some pretty awesome stuff. But by this point in the post, I’ve typed, deleted, re-typed, and re-deleted several paragraphs trying to give you a good example. It’s tough. I guess you’ll just have to take me out for coffee sometime in May and we can catch up. Starbucks vanilla latte, no foam, please. For the mean time, believe me, I’m trying to come up with something interesting to say.

The Ultimate Box

2006-01-28T14:23:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. You're all thinking, "Ben! When are you gonna let go of this BOX thing?" Well, I think this'll be the last post.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. I've posted a couple of times before about whether or not there should be a proverbial box around our thoughts and beliefs. To read those rantings click here and then here.

But in relation to my last post, I just had to offer this picture as The Ultimate Box. It's a shadow box, to be exact, found at the front door of one of my friend's neighbors here in Malta. A shadow box, for those of you who may have skipped that craft class at your church's last family retreat, has a glass front for displaying little trinkets, models, or memorabilia for hanging on the wall. This one happens to display a bust of Jesus wearing a bloody crown of thorns and carrying a cross accompanied by a couple of birdies.

Some people have put God in that proverbial box, but these folks have put him in a literal one.

Keepin' It Real

2006-01-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Since the day we arrived in Malta, Jessica and I have been amazed at the abundance of Christian phrases and quotes and symbols to be found all over the island. People don't just name their houses after saints, they've got bumper stickers too saying "My heart belongs to Jesus" or "No Jesus. No Peace. Know Jesus. Know Peace." or "John 3:16."

Lots of times, it sounds like something distinctly Protestant, "Jesus is the only way." But that sticker is on every other car, and there's hardly that number of dynamic believers in the country. It's more just a matter of culture. Tradition. A social obligation.

And it's kinda frustrating sometimes, feeling like people are stealing my passion, or cheapening the sticker I might have on my car, or just tricking me into hoping that driver might actually be a kindred spirit. But in the end, more than anything, it makes me stop and think what a bumper sticker's really for. Why do I wear my "christian" t-shirt? Does my WWJD bracelet really remind me to always ask what Jesus would do? Here it is in the words of one of the best ever Christian musicans, Steven Curtis Chapman:

Well I got myself a T-shirt that says what I believe
I got letters on my bracelet to serve as my ID
I got the necklace and the key chain
And almost everything a good Christian needs

I got the little Bible magnets on my refrigerator door
And a welcome mat to bless you before you walk across my floor
I got a Jesus bumper sticker
And the outline of a fish stuck on my car
And even though this stuff's all well and good
I cannot help but ask myself--

What about the change
What about the difference
What about the grace
What about forgiveness
What about a life that's showing
I'm undergoing the change

So, what christian symbols do you wear, stick, or keep around you? Whatever it is, make sure it really means something. Or one of my favorite lines from a Michael W. Smith song with a similar theme: Are you holding the key or are you intending to pick the lock of heaven's gates?

That Puzzle

2006-01-05T03:52:00.000-08:00

A puzzle from English class (but not for your typical ESL student).

The following sentence is, in fact, grammatically correct, but punctuation is needed to make sense of it. I sure couldn't do it and neither could my students. Can you add the necessary punctuation (, . ? ; : ' " etc.) and give me an explanation? Leave a comment with your answer, or email me. 10 points will be awarded to the person who has the most fun trying to solve it :) I'll post the answer next week. Here is is:

He said that that that that that man said was correct.

Now it's next week. The answer is below. No more points can be awarded.

Question #29

2005-12-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

Not long ago, every member of Word of Life took a spiritual gifts test at the Tuesday night Bible Study meeting as a step to getting people more involved in ministries at the church. It was really great especially to see several of the newer Christians look at their results and excitedly “discover” a potential gift. I myself hadn’t done a spiritual gifts test for some time, and it was good too do one again. But the subject of this post is one question in particular, number twenty-nine:

I believe that God will help me to accomplish great things.

All the question are supposed to be answered on a little rating of 0 to 3 (0 being no/disagree/never, and 3 being yes/agree/always), easy stuff. I had whizzed through questions 1 to 28, but I got stuck for a minute on this one. I have been asking this question of myself for years.

I had been told as a child that I could be anything. When my parents asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I confidently said, “the President.” And they confidently replied, “Awesome!” And I grew up with great Bible stories like David and Goliath, or the boy’s measly 5 loaves and 2 fish that Jesus used to feed over 5,000. I knew God could do great things with my little self, so I had big dreams.

But then when I got to Jr. High and High School, the adults in my life started saying strange things like, “Ben, you’re a natural leader. You’ve got the qualities of a leader. You’re ahead of your peers.” I thought that was all well and good, but I couldn’t figure out why, if I was a leader, was there nobody following me? Was I doing something wrong? I guess they were trying to encourage me, but I ended up more disappointed in myself. Their constant encouragement felt more and more like unmet expectations. To this day, I’m still not sure if it was the right thing for me to hear at that time. If a young person is a natural leader shouldn’t we just let them grow into it? I mention this story specifically because I know that there are a few of you readers who are or have been youth group pastors. For those students in youth groups who are “natural leaders” should we really be telling them so, or spending extra time with them, or anything? What do you think? I remember one situation in particular when the teachers of our school chose four or five of us “leaders” to go on an extra cool excursion as a team building activity. But we didn’t grow especially close, and I don’t know whether the other kids are in any kind of “leading” capacity today. I only remember the looks and comments I got from all the “regular” kids when we came back to school, cause they didn't get to go.

Anyways, through that time I also figured out that I have a heart for missions. So I dreamed of graduating High School, moving off to some exotic pagan land, preaching to hundreds, with signs and miracles etc. So when I ended up trudging through lecture after lecture of a humanities course in a secular college, I wondered what God was doing with me. I argued a lot with God, and I was angry with Him. Why did He give me these illusions of grandeur?

At the same time, however, He showed me, in that gentle way that only He knows, that His hand was on me and that He was leading me one step at a time. I held on to the words of one of the godly women in my church. As she was praying over one sunday me she encouraged me by saying, "Don't be anxious about getting there, about becoming something. God's got a story He wants to work into your life." And today I'm confident that He has lead me exactly where He wants me.

But today I'm hesitant about saying exactly where God will take me in the future. How "great" does God want me to be? What "great" things does God want me to do? I don't know. That's up to Him. My dreams and expectations were disappointed because they haven't been realized (yet, at least in the time frame I had imagined). But I'm not disappointed with where I am now. In fact, I count myself to be the most blessed man on the planet. So maybe my expectations were just too much or too fast or something. Like I was recently telling someone - sometimes we need to give ourselves room to be smaller than our dreams. Maybe some of us dream too big and set unrealistic expectations. Maybe others dream too small and need to be encouraged to realize their full potential in Him. How will you answer question twenty-nine?

On a side note, question twenty-nine was targeted at measuring whether you have a particular spiritual gift of faith. And while this question was tough for me, the test as a whole still scored faith in my top three possible gifts.

How to write good

2005-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

Alright, I think this blog’s about due for another knee-slapper. So here it is. Another post straight from experience at The Chamber College. It’s not hilarious, but it’ll do. A colleague posted this in the staff lounge. Check it out: (and if you don’t get any of the jokes, just ask the nearest English teacher)

How to Write Good:

1) Always avoid alliteration.
2) Prepositions are not word to end sentences with.
3) Avoid clichés like the plague.
4) Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
5) Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6) Parenthetical marks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8) Contractions aren’t necessary.
9) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10) One should never generalize.
11) As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12) Don’t be redundant and don’t use more words that necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
13) Profanity sucks.
14) Be more or less specific.
15) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
16) On word sentences? Eliminate.
17) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18) The passive voice is to be avoided.
19) Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20) Who needs rhetorical questions?

Missions: Impossible?

2005-12-10T03:54:00.000-08:00

Homesickness is a funny thing. I remember when I was a little kid, I couldn’t even spend a night away from home without going bezerk. Even at my best friends’ houses I got scared and missed my mom and dad. You can even ask ‘em today (they’re still good friends) about how I cried and my dad had to come pick me up and take me home at 10:30. I guess every kid has a phase like that, but I think mine lasted a bit longer than normal. I remember being embarrassed for myself, feeling sorry for making my dad drive all that way, and then feeling like a big wuss afterward.

Now today I’m 10,000 miles away from home, as I have been for almost 7 months now, and the homesickness is a little different. I’m not bawling for my mommy at 10:30 (although I do miss you like crazy, Mom) or anything like that. But I think the most interesting difference is people's understanding. I don’t have to be embarrassed because I know I’m not alone. When people say things like, “It must be tough” or “How’s the homesickness?” or something like that, then I know that they sympathize and they’d feel homesick too. It’s nice to feel normal.

But then sometimes I wonder, for a guy with a heart for missions, how much homesickness is normal? When my wife and I came to Malta, I was thinking, “No problem! We love traveling and experiencing new cultures! We’ll be great missionaries, we could live anywhere!” But since we’ve been here I’ve been thinking, “Man, there really is no place like home! I miss talking to people who understand me. I miss 24 hour supermarkets, and clearly labeled prices. And why should we live anywhere other than with our family?”

Now I understand that missionaries are just people too. If you prick them, do they not bleed? If you take them 10,000 miles away, do they not get homesick? But I guess I expected not to. So I’ve been wondering if I really am cut out for the whole missions thing. Maybe I’m meant to be a mobilizer at home. Maybe I’m meant to be a short-term supporter. Maybe it’s okay to be as homesick as anyone else, just without letting it stop me.

In any case, I’m confident that God has been guiding our every step, and will continue to do so. And that in Him all things are possible, missions too. But I'd especially love to hear from any of you "missionaries" out there on the topic.

Legalism?

2005-11-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

One day a talented engineer kicked the bucket. Although he was an exceptionally good person, nobody can really be good enough to earn a place in Heaven, and unfortunately He didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ either. So he went to Hell.

Of course he didn’t like it much, and he (being the talented engineer that he was) decided to do something about it. He drew up some plans, put ‘em on blueprints, and started installing things like escalators and air conditioning.

God up in Heaven was like, “Hey, this can’t be right! That guy’s pretty cool, I think I want him up here.” And He says to Satan, “There’s been some mistake. That talented engineer guy belongs with Me.”

And Satan’s like, “No way, Dude! He’s mine, and I really like him.”

So God says, “Hey look! If you don’t send him up here right now, I’m gonna sue!”

So Satan replies, “Yeah? And where do You think You’re gonna get a lawyer?”

Ha! There’s another great lawyer joke for ya’! I just heard it a couple weeks ago. Sorry to all the lawyers out there, but you can never hear enough great lawyer jokes. For me, this joke came at a peculiar time in my life. Over the last many weeks I’ve been rethinking my ideas about that nasty word: legalism. I’ve got a few cool quotes from other sources, and even a few quotable sayings of my own that I want to get out there. I’d really appreciate your feedback.

You see, I used to have a pretty limited idea of “legalism.” The word reminded me of the Pharisees in Jesus’ day. They had like a million stupid little rules which they imposed on everyone which made them feel good and others feel bad. Today that might look like a church that monitors every minor detail of the members’ lives in order to critique and judge them. I heard a friend recently talk about how his mother was once kicked out of a church because she didn’t tithe. Gimme a break! That’s legalistic.

But I’ve also been learning that legalism can be a rather subtle attitude as well. One can preach gospel truth, but with this attitude or approach it can come across as condemning. And the trouble for me has been that it can be difficult to identify. Call me crazy, but I like to focus on God’s grace and mercy. I like to talk about how we’ll never really be good enough, but that God loves us just the same and has a great plan of living for us. Unfortunately, this approach can be confused and abused by those with a different attitude.

A friend of mine recently handed me a pamphlet on the topic, called Law and Grace: Conscience & License. One point says:

Grace is a dangerous doctrine. It is open to gross misrepresentation and involves God in the risk of his own reputation. This does not make it any less true. In fact if it is not preached in a manner which does not raise this danger it is not being preached in all its radical truth.

I like that part about God risking his own reputation. I think a lot of Christians talk about God’s holiness, and justice, and his hatred for sin because they’re trying to make sure that they don’t give God a bad rap. Perhaps they think that if they only say “Jesus loves you” then people will get the wrong idea, that they’ll think that God is some pansy in the sky that’ll let you walk all over him and only say, “No problem, man. Make love, not war. Alright?” I guess it’s an honest motivation, to present an accurate picture of God. But I think God doesn’t need anyone to stand up for Him. He can handle Himself, thank you very much. And He did risk His rep. He let His own creation torture and kill Him. It may seem like a big risk, but I’m confident He won’t lose.

Another passage in that pamphlet talks about holiness/sanctification saying:

The New testament teaches us both about what God has done for us in Christ, and about how we should respond to him in repentance, faith, obedience, service etc. [But] if one takes all the injunctions concerning our response, without the initial context concerning his grace one can actually use New Testament statements to teach salvation by human effort. The human response becomes all important, as an end in itself. This kind of teaching does not produce holiness. It does produce all the characteristics of legalism; despair, pride, judgment, loss of joy, etc.

In here I like the part about the initial context concerning his grace. It can be a very subtle omission talking about how we should live as Christians without this context. It seems like some Christians think that being saved is a one time, instantaneous thing, in which Jesus does everything He can for us. And from that point on it’s our own responsibility to become perfect. But, like the quote says, that would be earning our salvation (after the fact) and it doesn’t produce the holiness desired. Instead, I like to talk about how awesome God’s grace is. I think people find the hope and inspiration and security and strength they need when they really see His love. And then they can respond in a good way. Like my pastor said at our most recent Bible study, “When they understand that grace, many other things fall into place in their life.” My pastor here in Malta is a cool guy. Pray that he’ll continue to say cool stuff like that.

Now, speaking of teaching for results, I’ve had a couple quotable thoughts of my own:

Telling somebody the right thing to do does not necessarily enable him/her to do it.

Telling somebody that they’re doing something wrong does not necessarily enable him/her to change it.

Altogether, I’m saying that giving a person a canned answer to their problem can be really crushing sometimes. There are those cool people in the world who simply know the right thing to do and do it. Period. End of discussion. But those people are few and far between. Most of us are broken people, confused people, hurting people, and simply weak people. We need someone to spend time caring and listening and validating our thoughts and feelings. If someone simply reminds us how imperfect we are, it’s very condemning. Very legalistic.

I know this post is getting long, and your mom is calling you to dinner, so I’ll just mention one more quote, this one from The Purpose Driven Life:

In a courtroom, a witness isn’t expected to argue the case, prove the truth, or press for a verdict; that’s the job of attorneys. Witnesses simply report what happened to them or what they saw. Jesus said, “You will be my witnesses,” not “You will be my attorney.”

Miss Wormwood…

2005-11-27T17:30:00.000-08:00

May I be excused? My brain is full.

I know my blog frequency was spotty for a few months there, and now I’ve passed over two months without a peep! Sorry about that. But I figure if you’re reading this, you’ve forgiven me. So, thanks.

I’ve been learning a heck of a lot in the last two months (pretty much exactly since the last post) about people, life, etc. I still don’t have all the answers, and I’m still processing a lot of it. It’s part of the reason for the lack of posts. The emotional overload has been quite an experience, and I’ve spent my spare minutes thinking, praying, and coping with it all. I’m happily confident however that it’s all valuable life experience, seeing as how I have the best Teacher in the world. Also you’ll be happy to know that it’s given me a lot of great blog material.

That plus the fact that we now have DSL means that I’m once again saying, “I hope to blog more often now.” I know, I know, “We’ll see about that, Ben.” And we will.

For now, the main update is the resolution to the last post. We’ve decided to stick with our commitment here in Malta for one-year. Although several things in the last couple of months have made us want to go home sooner, that wasn’t really the question back in September. At that time we were wondering if we should stay longer than a year. But by now the Lord had made it clear that one year is just right. So, I’ll say to all of you back home, “We can’t wait to see you in the Spring!” We don’t have an exact return date yet, but we will soon.

What will we do when we get home? I don’t know. That’s the next ginormous question. And if I ever have an answer, I’ll let you know. Until then, I’ve got a few thoughts to share from these last few months. I’ll try and get ‘em out on the blog soon.

(And for all those who could identify the opening comic quote – give yourself 3 extra points)

Plans

2005-09-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

And the Prophet spake unto Hezamicha saying, "Thus saith the LORD, 'Thou shalt form a six month plan, set a five year goal, and open a Roth IRA. Thusly shall I bless you and your children all the days of your life, if you do these things in My name. And in your coming out and going in you shall say, "Thus has the LORD instucted me to plan according to the word He gave to me saying, 'Plan in My name.'"'" Hezamicha 9:12

Okay, so that's not exactly the inspired Word of God. But has anyone else wondered how exactly this is supposed to work? And by "this" of course I mean "living like a responsible adult." It's a topic that has been brought up recently by more than one of my mentors and counselors, so it's got the wheels turning in my head. How does God expect us to go about planning for the furture? On the one hand, God has provided each of us with rational thought and wisdom, which He expects us to use. And on the other, there's the idea of living by faith and trusting God to guide and provide. I think I'm beginning to see that the trick is to learn that they don't really oppose one another.

Now I don't yet have a lot of elloquent thoughts on the theological implications of various arguments, but I thought I'd throw this one out there to see what y'all think. As Jessica and I continue to pray for the Lord's guidance in certain situations (the most obvious of which is the fact that we're currently 10,000 miles from home) I think that He is guiding us as we plan in various ways. But one of the main questions is still, "Exactly how far ahead does He expect us to plan?" I don't know. Who does?

Taboos and Issues

2005-08-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you who haven't been checking out the updates on Ben and Jess' Blog, you'll be happy to know that the Lord has blessed me with a job. I'm teching English at new EFL school here in Malta called The Chamber College. It's a blast!

Among many other things, the school has a mini resource area for the teachers, where all kinds of books and curricula are available for lesson planning. Among the many useful classroom tools is an awsome, spiral-bound, photocopied little book called Taboos and Issues. It's basically just a bunch of news snippets, activities, and questions to act as conversation starters about, well... taboos and issues. One of the chapters is called "Politically Incorrect". It's hilarious because there's a page full of jokes, which they're saying people might find offensive. So you're supposed to read the jokes and mark how offended you are on the scale, and then... NOT TELL THEM TO OTHERS!? Yeah right! They're hilarious! Here's three of the funniest that I hadn't heard before: (if you're offended, then... well... I'm sorry. mark it on the scale.)

Q: What has four legs and eight arms?
A: A pit-bull terrier on a children's playground.

Q: Why do Italian men wear lots of gold chains?
A: So they know where to stop shaving.

A Limmerick:
There once was a man from Calcutta
Who had such a terrible stutter
He said, "Pass the h-ham,
And the j-j-j-jam,
And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butter."

Who knows? Try the Maltese.

2005-08-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ahh! It feels so good to be posting again! My best friend-in-law, Safiye, has been here in Malta visiting me and Jessica for the last two and a half weeks. We just saw her off this morning on her way back to California. We had so much fun and did all kinds of stuff non-stop. I think it was a good vacation for her, but she was also a great encouragement to us. She helped to confirm a lot of the things that Jessica and I have observed about life in Malta. We had a lot of long discussions and I think I’ve got a lot of thoughts I want to bounce around with y’all. I’d have posted sooner, but I was busy spending days snorkeling in the Blue Lagoon and evenings sitting in waterfront cafes. Ahh!

So… one thing that has become all the more evident over the last several weeks is a certain mindset of the males of Malta. Now I know it’s not a characteristic unique to the Maltese islands, but I do think it’s a tendency more of men than of women. The odd thing seems to be that it’s so annoyingly pervasive in this culture. It’s the underlying need to know everything, or at least to know something about everything.

I could bring up a completely random topic, like the mating habits of the ring-tailed lemurs of Madagascar, and suddenly every grown male in the room is talking like an expert! Okay, that’s a bit extreme of course, but it’s hard to explain. It’s partly just a cultural bluntness, partly a poorly disguised insecurity, and partly a mild type of chauvinism, I think.

It irks me pretty bad, but it’s not quite the same as other types of intellectual pride I’ve mentioned before. It’s not like that humanistic pride that says, “We know enough about science and culture now, we don’t need to believe in god(s) anymore.” It’s not like that religious pride that says, “I’ve got God defined to a ‘T’, and I pretty much understand Him as best as anyone can.” Maybe it doesn’t seem so bad because I can think of it as a cultural quirk among the people of a country 1/3 the size of my home town. Or maybe it’s just a low key kind of pride that makes conversations irksome, without feeling like there’s major spiritual implications. I don’t know.

But I am reminded yet again of one of the many amazing truths that my father has taught me, “Being right is over-rated.” It goes for marriages, friendships, and pretty much every relationship. I think if some of us men (not only those of Maltese descent) would spend more time genuinely listening instead of thinking about what we’re going to add to the conversation, people would feel a little more cared about. Since Safiye has been here, it has renewed our desire to be a presence of love and grace emphasized above (although still important) doctrinal correctness and perfection.

Bridgette's God

2005-07-30T00:45:00.000-07:00

Jessica and I have just recently met met a woman from Zimbabwe named Bridgette. She's in her late forties, white, with the accent of a native speaker of Afrikaans. She's been a Christian most of her life, raised two boys of her own, as well as other adopted/foster kids, and she has recently moved to Malta on business. She showed up at Word of Life Pentacostal Holiness Church a couple weeks ago out of the blue (I guess she found us on the internet or in the phone book or something). And in a small church that has yet to organize a greeting ministry, I was glad to be the first to make her feel welcome. So she took Jessica and I out for dinner earlier this week. And what a breath of fresh air!! Bridgette has an amazing heart! She's humble, gracious, and generous. But what's most refreshing is that she focuses on God's grace and mercy and has a heart for broken people. And that's hard to come by among Christians living in a Catholic country.

You see, the Church here has a unique job. Everyone here has already heard the Gospel. They know "Jesus saves." But how do you get them to see that they can have a personal relationship with Him instead of going through a priest or praying to a saint? It's hard to do with an attitude of love when the people you're trying to reach are so antagonistic about it. Even once you convince a person to follow the Word of God over the word of the Pope, the task of discipleship is tough. It's more about correcting their doctrine than introducing them to Jesus. And that leaves the Christians saying a whole of do not's and must not's and thou shalt not's. It's tough.

Jessica and I have been hoping that somehow we can be an influence of grace and mercy. We believe that by accepting people with all their faults, they'll see God's love, turn to Him, and then let the Holy Spirit convict and change them. Bridgette thinks so too, and is was really encouraging to have a little pow-wow session with someone who feels the same.

Now, don't get me wrong. The Church here isn't hostile or unmerciful. It's just that the focus on holy living and correct doctrine makes people talk more often about what folks are doing wrong, instead of talking about why they do those things and what hurts they must have. Also I should clarify that Catholicism in Malta is way different than back home in the U.S. There's a whole lot of non-biblical stuff incorporated into Catholicism, and although it's technically universal to the faith, we find that it's taken to the extreme here.

Back to Bridgette. One reason I'm writing this blog about her is because even she will admit that God's still teaching her how to accept a compliment. She's a wonderfully humble person and refuses most nice things I try to say about her. So I'll just say it here: She's incredibly wise, and people would benefit more to shut up and listen to what she has to say. Her heart for certain ministries is inspiring and I hope it catches on. And she's an example of generosity and a "cheerful giver."

Another reason is a prayer request. As you read this, and whenever else you think about it, please pray for her. Not only that God grants her material blessings (her company isn't being extremely helpful in getting her office up and running), but that she has an awareness of more of God's presence as well (she'd agree that that's the sweetest of all). And since she's been such an encouragement and affirmation to Jessica and I, I really want hert to be blessed in return, and so I'm asking y'all to help me pray.

And the last reason that I'm writing about Bridgette is because I think she's a perfect example of a non-missionary missionary. And since that was the last thing I wrote about, I wanted to share this story:

Bridgette was working in an office of a company that she partly owned. She had a receptionist girl who was raised Catholic, but remained Catholic mostly just in name and not much in practice. Bridgette never closed her door, and the girl often heard her talking to or about God. One day the girl asked Bridgette about her relationship with God, and from then on they often had discussions about spiritual things over coffee. Bridgette told her about a God of love who gave His life for hurting people.

The girl was a compassionate type who cared especially for animals. At the end of one day, coming out of the office, Bridgette saw the girl standing in the street crying and praying loudly. A stray dog had a serious head injury and was cowering in a corner of the street. It was hostile and would not let the girl approach it to help. As Bridgette came upon the scene, she heard the girl praying towards the sky, "I'm praying to Bridgette's God..."

Now, it seemed a lot of pressure on Bridgette at the time. She told the girl that by praying, she had left the problem at God's feet, and there was nothing more they could do. It turned out the next morning that the dog actually walked inside and allowed itself to be caught and taken to the vet.

But I think if just one person, one time, ever called on God as "Ben's God", then I would count my life a success. And I'm not sure I'll be satisfied until then. For someone to come to a knowledge of God because I am His servant and child... THAT is what it means to be a missionary!

John Doe, meet Jesus!

2005-06-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I lied. I surely thought I was gonna be posting as much or more than before. I hadn't thought that once you stop blogging it's hard to start up again. I'm learning that it's a habit, like reading your Bible, cleaning your kitchen, or picking your nose. I've got the last three of those down pat, but I gotta get back into the blog scene.

If any of you are still checking in on a regular basis, I'm not gonna make any promises, but keep checking in and maybe I'll get back into the swing of things. For now, my very good friend Dave asked me to explain a bit more about something I said in that last post about the Western concept of evangelism and missionaries...

I think the problem is that a lot of folks in America get the wrong idea of what it means to be a missionary. One popular idea is that missionaries are lonely souls, living in a hut in some tropical rainforest, teaching Bible stories to naked Indian children. Now that's one kind of missionary (and a very good kind indeed), but I think it scares a lot of people who are attached to their creature comforts. People can easily sit on their couch and say "In that case, I could never be a missionary!"

Another picture people have of missionaries is from the false impressions they get through gigantic evangelistic crusades. In this way it would seem that missionaries are outspoken theologians who travel to exotic lands to preach hellfire and brimstone.

Likewise, people get the wrong impression of missionaries through stories of trampled cultures. When boats full of white men land on foreign shores and conquer the natives, and in the name of religion say that it's for their own good, missionaries quickly look like big, fat hypocrites. But a missionary doesn't have to be any of those things. You can be a missionary without being a hermit, a preacher, or hypocrite.

A missionary is simply someone who sets out to obey the Great Comission. A quick look into any major missions organization will show you that all kinds of jobs are needed on today's mission field. Missions work has become a lot more complex in the last fifty years and all sorts of short-term or part time support is needed. With whatever talent you have, or whatever time you'll give - you can and should be a missionary.

Part of the deal that once scared me about being a "missionary" was that I thought that meant I would have to become an "evangelist." Even if one has a good impression of evangelists (we won't talk about televangelists or the "God hates gays" sign-holders outside of every public gathering) that still means you've got to pass out tracts or say "Jesus loves you" to everybody on the road. That may be good, but it just doesn't sit well with me. Where's the personal connection?

Instead, I'm learning that Jesus can speak for Himself. If you'll just get out there, make friends and be sincere, you'll find that people start asking you questions. Being an evangelist on a real level simply means introducing people to Jesus. They see Him in you, He's attractive to them, so you just make the introduction.

For example, I don't set out to trek the streets of Malta saying to strangers, "You should meet my friend, Dave. He's really cool and he's got a plan for your life!" So why do some people try to do that with Jesus? Being an evangelist doesn't have to mean preaching "turn or burn" to people who never asked you. It just means that you share honestly the Good News about what Jesus has done in your life. And if they want to know more, "John Doe, meet Jesus!"

Poverbs 16:9

2005-06-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

The mind of a man plans his ways,
But the Lord directs his steps.

Okaaayy… I remember when I first read that verse several years ago. I didn’t know, and I guess I still don’t know, exactly how it’s supposed to be interpreted or applied to my life. I think of questions like, “Does this go for believers and non-believers alike? Why doesn’t God just direct the plans? Am I still supposed to try to plan my ways? Is this some type of cryptic advice? Is this some kind of predestination thing?”

I think initially this verse stuck in my head just because I found it so mysterious. I just kind of carried it around in my head, ruminating on the possible truth of it, trying to figure out how it fit into the grand scheme of things. It kept coming back to me during times of prayer, and I’d often stop reading some other passage of the Bible and flip back to it, as if to make sure it was really still there. It’s not like there was any voice from heaven, and I don’t even remember any moment of impression or inspiration, but somehow I came to feel like God was speaking this verse to me. And now I think He’s the one reminding me of it. Because even though I still don’t really get it completely, I’m starting to see that it’s true in my life.

It’s kind of hard to explain. I mean, I’m here in Malta because I’m stepping out to find what the Lord wants to do with me. I’ve always had a passion to serve God, and I love experiencing other cultures, so I’ve guessed I should be a missionary (and thankfully I’ve also learned over the last several years that it involves a lot more than the current, western concept of “evangelism”). And it’s like I can look back at any one place I’ve traveled, or any one job I’ve taken and say that I decided to do that and I had reasons x, y, and z. But when I look back at the last 24 years of my life, there’s no way that I could have guided it to where it is today. God’s definitely been directing my life.

But it’s not that the current situation is so rock solid. At times, it’s been difficult to explain to people why now, why Malta, etc. Even the locals don’t understand why we want to learn Maltese, since it’s only spoken by a handful of people who otherwise speak English on a dry rock in the middle of the sea. They have a good point, and I’m unsure about a lot of things myself. I have no idea whether next week I will have a job, or even a work permit, a car, a small Bible study, a youth group. I could have everything or nothing. But that’s kinda the plan right now.

We’re gonna continue to plan things one day, one conversation at a time. But we’ve sort of come to a point, on purpose, where we’re depending on God to direct our steps. To some people that can sound incredibly irresponsible and it’s hard to explain why it’s not. And even though I’m nervous for things to work out alright both in the short and long term, I have a strange confidence.

It’s like God has a grin on his face and he’s saying, “Remember that one verse? Check this out…”

New Blog

2005-06-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

First I have to thank my faithful friends and family who still consider themselves readers of this blog, to those who have checked this page regularly even though I have not been posting anything at all, and who have not thought that I am wasting your time with such sparse offerings, and who have seen it sufficient to excuse me due to the matter of moving to the other side of this planet we call Earth. Grazzi hafna! The mere fact that you’re still here reading is very affirming and validating to my fragile ego.

The good news is two-fold. First, I’m back on-line with lots of fresh inspiration. So I hope to be posting regularly (2-3 times a week), though maybe not quite so often because of the second piece of good news… My wife and I have got a new blog. We’ll be updating y’all on our adventures in the Mediterranean and introducing you to this wonderful country of Malta. Please check out the blog at merhba.blogspot.com. And stay tuned.

The Box Re-Opened

2005-05-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything new. My wife and I have been pretty busy getting ready to leave for Malta. By the way, our plane takes off in 6 hours. So I came to check in on my e-mail and whatnot and figured I should post something. So check this out...

One of my best friends from high school now lives with her husband in West Virginia. She was reading through some of the old posts on this blog and she had some awesome comments. This was part of a sermon she gave to the youth group that they're working with. It just so happens that she was talking to them about boxes.

We often hear of putting God in a box. We say "this or that church puts God in a box" or "these or those people put God in a Sunday box. (to them) He only exists on Sunday." No matter how we've heard it or said it ourselves, chances are we've heard it before. But then there is the phrase "Think out of the box" A more truthful phrase. Everyone has a box. This is my box (I held up a small box). We cannot limit God, in reality, only God has the power to limit Himself. What really happens is we, all of us, place ourselves in the box of spiritual ignorance. We cannot blame anyone, but ourselves.

While in our boxes we, unconsciously, set rules for God, foolishly thinking He's the one in our box. We use "logic", things other people have said, tradition, fear, and frustration to make up these rules we set down. Here are some examples of rules either I have set or have heard someone else set:

1) God will not simply guide me when I ask Him to.
2) God will not use me to reach others.
3) God needs me in order to reach a certain group of people.
4) God will not give me a free fridge because I have no money and my old fridge broke.
5) God cannot heal blind people without using technology.
6) God cannot make me beautiful or attractive.
7) God cannot be the one to fulfill my need for companionship.
8) God cannot teach me something new through a traditional church service or a sermon I've heard a million times.
9)God cannot bring me into a deeper relationship, or understanding, with Him without someone else leading me.
10) God cannot change this person or that person because they are too hard or stubborn.

I can go on and on and deeper with these rules, but we don't have time and I pray the point is well made. Consciously or unconsciously we have tried placing, or have placed rules on God. Each person in this room, myself included, I have observed. By the way you act, react, and through things you've said, rules have been set. We are not experiencing the fullness of God and seeing all that He wants us to see. We have no one to blame but ourselves. There are people who are seeing and experiencing. They have the same things, the same Bible, the same God, that we do. They just have more faith. Don't blame the church, don't blame your leaders, don't blame your friends, and definately don't blame God. You have the chance of connecting with God just like anyone else. There is no one to blame, but yourself. God is here. He is there, and He is waiting. Ask Him to open your eyes to the rules you've set, ask Him to break those rules and set you free from your box. Remind yourself, He is faithful. Trust me He will blow your mind away.

Who You Are

2005-05-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, check out the comment that my good friend Dave left on last week's post. Also this weekend, on a long car trip, I was reminded of a great song by Nicole Nordeman called Who You Are. She's a really gifted song-writer (one of the best musical poets, in my not-so-humble opinion), and this song really puts a lot of my own feelings into words. Here's the lyrics for you:

I was certain that I knew You
At the tender age of twelve
You'd so often been described by those
Who said they knew You well
Dark and rugged in Your thirties
With a smile as bright as Your robe

Every teacher, every preacher
With the very best intent
Found new ways to hide the mystery
Replaced by common sense
And to know You was to keep You in my pocket
So easy to hold

Chorus
I know I can't explain You
I would not even try to
And yet it's clear that You are here beside me
I marvel and I wonder
So near and somehow still so far
What makes You who You are?

It is easy to insist
On what is packaged and precise
And dismiss the clear suspicion
That You're bigger than we'd like
It is tempting to regard You as familiar
In so many ways

Chorus

I've tried to draw these lines around You
A definition or an absolute
But I could not be satisfied with black or white
There is so much more
There is so much You

Chorus

Who knows?

2005-04-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

I’ve just read the Chronicles of Narnia again. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a great series of books by C.S. Lewis about another world with all kinds of talking animals and magic and the adventures of children from England. It’s a lot of fun, and the author uses these stories as allegories to talk about human nature, our relationship with God, and His love for us. It’s an easy read at the 5th grade level, and I highly recommend it.

The final book of the series is called The Last Battle, and in it the author refers to the end of the world. He’s got characters to represent God, Satan, the anti-Christ, believers, non-believers, etc and of course the title refers to the battle of Armageddon as mentioned in Revelation. What’s got me thinking are these silly talking animals and how easily they are fooled by the ”anti-Christ”. Their downfall is the reasoning that God is above them and that they cannot understand His ways and cannot require Him to be as they think He should be.

But isn’t that good? I mean, it’s practically the reason I started this blog! So many Christians in America think they know exactly what Jesus would do. He’d vote republican, or democrat, or not at all. He’d be protestant, catholic, or even zen buddhist. But fact is, my God is an awesome God who defies description. I can’t predict what he should do, and as the talking animals put it, “he’s not a tame lion.” Does that mean I’ll get taken in by the beast who calls himself god?

In the book, it seems to have no effect how much you know about God. The bear (a little slow in the head) is too simple to see through the lie, while a dwarf (also a simple creature) finds the lie too complicated to be real. On the other hand, the shrewd mice can appreciate the intricate reasoning supporting the false god, while the astrologer centaur reads the truth in the stars above. Similarly, in a recent discussion with friends we asked how educated Christians ought to be. Should we have a simple faith in what we’re told, or should we all be Bible scholars? Does it even make a difference?

I guess what concerns me is the question, Can I know who God is? Part of me says no. God is awesome and majestic and outside of my understanding (Is 55:8,9). But a part of me also says yes. By His grace, I have a relationship with Him and He has told me about Himself (Ex 34:6,7).

I guess, as with most things, there’s a healthy balance of those two attitudes. God is holy and ought to be treated as such, but He’s also near and very familiar. Maybe it’s the difference between knowing about Him and just knowing Him. I can’t define Him, but I can recognize Him. I can live with that. It’s a privilege and a comfort.

Can you recognize God? If not, I don’t think I could describe Him. Nobody, not a pro-life zen buddhist farmer or a pro-choice presbyterian politician could define Him. But I’d be more than happy to introduce you.

So, you're going to Malta?

2005-04-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

YES! Yes I am! And…?

And I’ve got a lot of work to do in the mean time, which is why it’s getting really annoying that people want to make small talk of one of the biggest decisions of my life. People seem to just love to stop by my cubicle and chat it up. The thing that makes these conversations so annoying is that people only ask two kinds of questions – really stupid or way too deep.

So I thought I’d just answer some of the dumb questions right up front:
So, you’re going to Malta? Yes, I am.
Are you excited? Yes.
Are you going to miss your family? Yes.
I hear you’re going to Malta? YEP!
What are you going to do there? I’ll eat, sleep, and breathe; otherwise, I’m going to need you to be more specific.
Are you all packed? No, and it might have something to do with the fact that I need more that one pair of underwear to get me through the next three weeks.
So, you’re going to Malta? Would you be asking me this question if I weren’t?

As for the deep questions, at least I’m glad that people are asking, but really… I’ve got a million and one things to do before my last day at work. The only other decisions I’ve made that top this one are accepting Christ and getting married. And nobody would expect a 30 second answer to So you’re a Christian? or So you’re married? Besides which, I happen to be one of those crazy people who like to get things done at work instead of strolling around the office socializing. So if you really want to know why I’m going to Malta, buy me a cup of coffee some evening and I’d love to tell you all about my Inspiration.

Okay, okay, I know. Y’all reading this blog aren’t my annoying co-workers. In fact, if you are reading this at all, you’re most likely one of my friends and family members that I know and love and would be happy to talk to at any time about any thing. Actually, maybe it would be a good blog topic to let you all know why my wife and I are making this move. In the mean time, I just needed to vent.

Allusions of Grandeur

2005-04-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve got a few favorite Bible characters. Perhaps you do to. For me, these are the men or women that I set as my role models or heroes. I like Moses and David, as many people do. And I also want to be like Daniel or Nehemiah, who are talked about a little less often. But whoever your favorite Bible personalities are, at least they’re pretty well known. And it’s exactly that fact, that these dudes are fairly famous, that has been kind of confusing for me in my pursuit of spiritual growth.

I mean, these are the people that God sets up for us as positive examples, right? So we ought to try to be like them, right? But does that mean that we ought to be famous or as well known as they were? I don’t really want to think so, but I can’t really get around it either. It’s sort of an odd trick that there’s no Biblical role model who wasn’t at least well known enough to be mentioned in the Bible. And you won’t find any folks in the Bible who aren’t at least famous for being in the Bible.

I’m probably confusing you already. Let me try to put it another way: I’m pretty sure that God’s definition of greatness is not the same as ours. Being tight with God shouldn’t be contingent on social fame, as far as I can figure it. But the problem is that all such people that God gives us as examples are, in fact, quite well known. So how can I try to be like these people without also hoping to be well known?

Or maybe it’s not so bad to want to be famous. I suppose there’s something to be said for the fact that if God is really using you, then you will touch a lot of people. Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden…let your light shine before men…” (Matthew 5, NIV). I guess I’m just afraid of confusing the desire to know and serve God with the desire for fame.

I’ve caught myself in private prayer time saying two similar things, “Father, I want to be a man of God”, and, “Father, I want to be known as a man of God.” So then I have to stop and think to myself…what do I really mean? What do I really want? What should I really say? And what’s the difference? I just haven’t figured out how to hope for greatness with God, that isn’t also hoping for something that would stroke my ego. If that’s so bad.

What do you think?

(and, yes, I know the difference between allusion and illusion. it’s a pun, but I thought it might be a little too subtle to pass as a poignant play on words instead of a misspelling without an explanation.)

Sum of All Desires

2005-04-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

So I’ve got a few thoughts and theories that I haven’t put out there yet. Mostly it’s because I often feel like I’m nowhere near to being a quotable authority on anything. And I guess it feels that way mostly because my Teacher kind of knows absolutely everything. Even the serious posts in this blog are meant just to question our “knowledge” of spiritual things in favor of the realization that God’s ways and thoughts are far above our own. And who’s to say?

That said, I’ve got some ruminations about God, scripture, and human nature. And I guess the only way to get feedback on my thoughts is to put them out there. So here’s one of my favorites…

One day, as I took some prayerful time in reading scripture and journaling, I began to consider the selfish nature of people, including myself. Where do we get that? Is that a sin thing? How do we get over it? I thought about what it means to be selfish. Simply put, I think it basically means to act in one’s own best interest. Okay, but then how can one be selfless? Let’s say I do something for someone else to my own harm. Why would I do that? Wouldn’t I expect that it’s because I should, or because there’s a longer-term benefit to myself? And this led me to the idea that nobody can really do something they don’t want to do.

Example: Let’s say a bad guy stormed into the room and pointed a gun at my wife’s head and said, “It’s her or you!” Of course I’d volunteer to die in my wife’s place. But why? It’s because my desire for her to live is greater than for me to live. Also I know that I should because as her husband I’ve got to keep my promise to protect her. And honestly, I expect there’d be a heavenly reward of some kind too.

So although I’m acting in another’s best interest, that’s only because I’ve projected my best interests onto them. I’m still actually acting to my own benefit. I’m doing what I want to do, but it’s not so bad. So I thought… if that’s not so bad, is it good? God is good. Is God selfless? Well, He shows indescribable mercy and grace to us. But that’s not anything that he doesn’t want to do. And in fact, it’s to His glory that He does the things He does. Maybe we’re actually like God in that way. We’re free to do what we want, and really we can only do what we want. The thing that’s most like selflessness is to project our best interests onto someone else, but that’s not something that we don’t already want to do.

Let’s bring it down to real world, every day example: There were classes in college that I absolutely hated. Either I disliked the topic or was completely bored. I didn’t want to go to those classes. At the same time, I was set on getting a degree. That’s something that would be valuable for the rest of my life. I did want to graduate. So I don’t want to go to class, but I do. That’s strange. Can I really say that I don’t want to go to class? No. Actually I want to go to class so that I can graduate, and that desire is stronger than my desire to avoid that class. I’m weighing the options, comparing the outcomes, and when I add up my desires there’s a net result… I want to go to class. That’s what I call the sum of all desires.

Stemming from my thoughts on selfishness, the sum of all desires is really just a way of defining my thoughts, which shows that I can never really do anything I don’t actually want to do. I find this theory to be fairly practical in my everyday life too. When there’s something that I don’t want to do, I think about what really is the sum of my desires. It makes it easier to do that task without sulking or complaining when I realize that I actually do want to do it. It even makes the task a little more enjoyable.

This isn’t an airtight theory, I’ve learned. My wife has also had some good thoughts to the contrary. As we’ve discussed it, there’s an argument against the sum of all desires that’s mostly along the gender line. For women, feelings and emotions and desires are something much more real then men generally consider them to be. My wife thinks that conflicting desires are separate desires, each existing on its own, and that the one can’t just cancel the other out. If you have two feelings about something, you have two feelings. That’s a good point too.

What do you think? Can desires be summed? Or can you really do anything selfless? Is God selfless, and why does that feel like such a bad question to ask? What does it look like to not be selfish? Tell me your thoughts on any of these questions, or just tell me your opinion of the theory. You know you want to leave a comment, but what is the sum of your desires?

Voice Column

2005-04-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

Over the last half-dozen years as my sister and I have each grown up and formed our own views and opinions of the world, we’ve had more than a few deep discussions. It’s been very insightful to get her take on things, and I’m proud that she’s been receptive of mine too. So it’s no surprise that we end up with the same attitudes about a lot of things.

Going to college up in Portland, she recently wrote an awesome editorial column for her school’s newsletter. She’s spot on! Check out her insights here.