INFDL

Newspapers are Doomed

2009-02-26T14:10:00.001-07:00

As a conservative my instinct is to gloat about the unfolding destruction of the newspaper industry. They’ve been spouting the Democratic Party line for a long time now, and I kind of like to see them take a boot to the teeth. At the same time, I love newspapers, and I don’t want them to see them go. The Rocky Mountain News will die on Friday, and the San Francisco Chronicle looks like it may be breathing its last as well. This is sad. There’s got to be a way to make the newspaper business work.

More on Computer Game Evil

2009-02-26T13:51:00.002-07:00

The talking heads at the Onion argue about whether violent videogames are adequately preparing our children for a violent zombie-infested post apocalyptic world.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

Also from the Onion, if you are a fan of the Utah Jazz, this is too true to be funny.

Technology Is Murdering our Children!

2009-02-24T16:13:00.003-07:00

Hello? Anybody here? I’ve been gone for a while, but I thought I’d check in with a report on the computers-and-videogames-are-making-us-stupid crowd. The latest fear monger is a neuroscientist named Susan Greenfield. Here’s what the Mail has to say about her worries.

She argued that exposure to computer games, instant messaging, chat rooms and social networking sites could leave a generation with poor attention spans.

I can’t see how instant messaging and chat rooms shorten an attention span any more than sitting around talking with people, and, if anything, computer games help increase attention spans. My seven year old will spend hours at a time trying to beat the evil forces of the Covenant. He works through frustrations, he thinks of new strategies to overcome problems, and he challenges himself with increasing levels of difficulty. How could any of that be bad for his mind?

“I often wonder whether real conversation in real time may eventually give way to these sanitized and easier screen dialogues, in much the same way as killing, skinning and butchering an animal to eat has been replaced by the convenience of packages of meat on the supermarket shelf” she said.

So, wait, is she arguing in favor of screen dialogues here? Because it seems pretty clear to me that simply buying a steak at the store is a hell of a lot better than butchering your own cow.

Lady Greenfield told the Lords a teacher of 30 years had told her that she had noticed a sharp decline in the ability of her pupils to understand others.

Why do I suspect that this teacher simply no longer understands her pupils?"

It is hard to see how living this way on a daily basis will not result in
brains, or rather minds, different from those of previous generations,” she said.

Ah, but different can be better as easily as it can be worse. As Steven Johnson has pointed out in his book “Everything Bad is Good for You”, average I.Q.s have been going up for a long time, and new technology may be responsible for this.

She pointed out that autistic people, who usually find it hard to communicate, were particularly comfortable using computers. “Of course, we do not know whether the current increase in autism is due to more increased awareness and diagnosis of autism or whether it can –if there is a true increase – be in any way lined to an increase in prevelance among people of spending time in screen relationships. Surely it is a point worth considering.”

No, it is not a point worth considering. Autism begins to manifest itself in children when they are around three years old, long before any of them ever log onto Facebook or play Mariokart for the first time. The Baroness’ previous arguments were poor, but here she ascends to Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Educational psychologist Jane Healy believes children should be kept away from computer games until they are seven. Most games trigger only the ‘fight or flight’ region of the brain, rather than the vital areas responsible for reasoning.

Of course, because if my child weren’t playing a videogame, he’d be sitting around “reasoning”.

What crap these people come up with.

Here’s why I have allowed, nay, encouraged, my boy to play videogames since he was five years old:

1) He likes playing videogames.
2) Videogames are father and son time. A bond is created between father and son when they battle side by side against the Nazis hordes or evil alien invaders. And it is a proud moment in any father’s life when they are playing Slayer on Halo against each other and the son blows his father up with a sticky grenade to win his first match. Excuse me, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes.
3) Videogames help my son get comfortable with technology while having fun with it.
4) As I mentioned above,he has learned to set goals (“I’m going to win this game”) and to overcome difficulties (“How the crap are you supposed to kill that brute with the hammer?”). Videogames have been nothing but good when it comes to his attention span.

Unicorns

2008-11-08T22:16:00.002-07:00

Hey, Obama, where's my Unicorn? You promised me a fucking Unicorn.

President Elect Obama

2008-11-08T22:05:00.003-07:00

The importance of his election cannot be overstated on a cultural level. Our country has some nasty boogie men in the closet for sure. We do, however, tend to do the right thing. Perhaps this event will help our confused, dizzy lefty-buddies come to that realization. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking he is an overflowing douche nozzle. Listen, there are two possibilities here:

1) He pulled a stealthy one on all of the faux revolutionaries and leftist hangers-on that form the inner sanctum of the Chicago scene, and he is really a centrist.

2) He pulled a stealthy one on all of the malleable and Utopian pantywaists that form the young electorate nowadays, and he is really a faux revolutionary and a leftist hanger-on.

I think the latter is more probable. We shall see soon.

Karl adds: Best case scenario, imho, is that he ends up being another Jimmy Carter (a conventional liberal president and a shitty administrator without a whole lot of backbone). Bill Clinton was pretty liberal when he came in with both houses in a democrat majority, but moved toward the center when, imho, he realized what the practicalities of governing were; plus the repub takeover in '94 helped. But I have no idea how Obama would react to similar strong repub showing in 2010, he ain't Bill.

God no

2008-11-08T22:04:00.002-07:00

Barf me with a dick.

Karl: Gag! I appreciate the message, and hope the same sentiment is more pervasive nationally than I believe it is, but there is more syrup in those messages than in all the love letters that those douchey english dandies wrote to chicks in Wuthering Heights and all that other Jane Austen shit!

Obama and Shit

2008-11-08T22:01:00.001-07:00

Wow. I feel like a major burden has been lifted from the shoulder of my homeland. Not.

This should be the major election bitchslap, we'll see...

2008-09-30T08:13:00.005-06:00

This shit is all over the internet right now but its presence is required on INFDL for religious reasons, er, ideological, er, ok, partisan reasons. Really though, here is definitely one case where I can be proud of Republicans and of my tendency to vote for them. True fiscal conservatives are what the Republican party seems to have lost lately. But these Republicans here on the House Financial Services Committee seem to represent well the fiscal conservative spirit that should be manifest in all Republicans, since that has historically been the unifying theme in this party. And how there are even people like Joe Lieberman still left in the Democratic party I have no idea!

Ever wonder what happened to the dinosaurs?

2008-09-18T16:47:00.004-06:00

Turns out that the universe that hosts our short visit here is a very violent place, and no amount of money in the bank can change that fact. One interesting thing about this is that if massive meteor impacts that end all life such as these happened at least 65 million years ago (known as the "K-T extinction event"), then how long has our species supposedly been evolving? How long did it take for the salamander-to-human conversion process to occur, if the multi-billion year ranges that evolutionists cite to explain this mystery is not a possibility? I have many problems with evolutionary theory, not with micro-evolution which is actually provable, but with the speculative nature of species-wide macro evolution.

Kobe gets Shaq Fu'd

2008-06-24T22:36:00.004-06:00

Thank you, Shaq; aka Shaq Fu, the Diesel, the Big Aristotle (for his shrewdness and skill during an interview), the Big Sewer (because there's so much shit in his game), Shaqcasso (if he were a painter), and most recently Dr. Shaq (for getting his online MBA at the internet University of Phoenix). Thank you, Shaq, for letting us hear the truth, and for helping put to rest the idiotic Kobe-Jordan comparisons that all the silly talking head TV assholes had been propagating during the whole playoffs simply because they are gasbags and nothing else. Kobe couldn't win without Shaq. Then there's the little fact that Kobe needs to first win SIX rings as the sole team leader to even make the comparison valid, and go six for six doing it (I personally believe a prime Jordan woulda won this series with players like Pau Gasol and Odom just as Jordan won with the talented players he was given).

As a side note, I'd also like to thank Shaq for making my ass laugh at him repeatedly from watching all his ridiculous clownery over the years, as this was one of his greatest moments since the time he was asked to comment on Yao Ming's game. To this he replied, "You tell Yao Ming, ching chong ching chong wang, wah ah so." Nice one, Shaq, you cut-up. Can't wait to see how he handles his future Sherriff duties down here in FLA when he's inspecting a Korean grocery store robbery.

SEAN: I just logged in to do my first post in weeks on this very subject, but alas, TommAy you've nailed it better than I ever could have. I just saw this this morning and I laughed my arse off for an hour. Watched it over and over. I can see it now: in every NBA city, the chants of "Hey, Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes!" for the next ten years. Nothing could be more fitting for that fukkin' choke-fetish dominatrix. Funniest thin I've seen since Shaq bitch-slapped Osterteeth in that preseason game. Or when Hakeem round-housed Billy Paultz when he was a rookie. Priceless. Purrrrrr.....

Slow posting to continue...

2008-05-28T10:58:00.005-06:00

On account of Jess heading to Cedar City for a Master's in Forensic Psychology in August (scholarship- woo hoo! Way to go, Jess!), my dropping a ring on her finger, her saying yes, the loss of her associated stream of income and our cats, Charles Mingus and Ella Fitzgerald, converting to nasty strain of Feline-Wahhabi Islam, well, my plate is full. I apologize in advance for the advancing rigor mortis of INFDL, but it will creep along like it always has, albeit at a new, even slower pace.

Sordid Utah - Naked Crazy Lady Edition

2008-05-28T10:43:00.004-06:00

Gotta love Sandy. From the Salt Lake Tribune:

A woman was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault Tuesday morning after
she allegedly attacked the two passengers of the car she slammed into - all
while naked. The 38-year-old Sandy woman, who has a long history of mental
illness, was driving near 7600 S. 460 East at about 7 a.m. when she
intentionally hit a Bronco being driven on the wrong side of the road by a man
who was looking for his cat, said Sandy Police Sgt. Victor Quezada. After
everyone got out of their vehicles, the woman began pushing, hitting and kicking
the two men in the Bronco, police said. The woman got into the vehicle she hit
and attempted to drive off. When it wouldn't go, she got out and retrieved her
car keys and began walking. She followed a 14-year-old girl who was walking out
of a nearby house, until a bystander told the teen to get back inside, police
said. The woman pounded and kicked opened the door of the house, police said.
There was no relation between the woman and the people living in the house.
Police arrived, but said the woman accused them of being fake officers and
resisted arrest. They quickly took her into custody. Authorities admitted her
into Alta View Hospital and later to the University of Utah Hospital where she
is being evaluated. The two men in the other vehicle suffered only minor
scrapes. Police arrested the woman on suspicion of aggravated assault, leaving
the scene of an accident, trespassing and lewdness.

Sandy. The land of Zany Nekkid Ladies and Meth.

Yep, the world hates America, especially Europe...

2008-05-02T18:29:00.010-06:00

...Hmmm, that must be why the people of Germany, France, and most recently Italy have elected leaders who ran, RAN, on a pro-American agenda as part of their campaign platforms. Well, you can never really tell with those fickle and silly Italians with all their wine and fine lovemaking and esquisite dishes to think about all the time, because they did oust Berlusconi at a time when it wasn't fashionable (in the truest sense, as is everything when it comes to that silly, silly people) to have a pro-American leader, before they put him back in control a couple weeks ago. Now England is following the same trend, in an election where conservatives delivered the worst beating to leftists in 40 years, and where, most appropriately, the anti-American intergalactic asshole mayor of London gets his shit kicked by Gary fucking Busey of the Tory Party. Hope he starts a family political dynasty, then we'll get to see more of Jake Busey in the future.

Sean: Dude. That guy looks just like Busey. I wonder if he just wants a little kiss from Johnny Depp. Well, Euros aren't completely stupid. For all the base anti-US preening, they know deep down what's up in their neck of the woods. They see it every day. I mean does Belgium even exist anymore? Barely.

Uranium- the New Blow

2008-03-27T17:03:00.002-06:00

Geez. I had no idea you could snort that shit. Well, we know what I'll be doing this weekend...Was that chills that just went up my spine or is that just a side effect of me nose-vacuuming a Z of yellowcake off some shiny titties?

Rumor of war

2008-03-26T15:46:00.020-06:00

Hopefully this will finally conclude the far overdone saga of He who looks like Cartman (nod to Natureboy for the title of the saga). By all accounts this is a different Iraq, and I get the feeling that Monsignor Orangutan-teeth is gonna get whacked, fast, either by our boys or, most likely, by Iraqis themselves, as people are probably tired of his bullshit by now.
Was watching a program about American Marines based in the formerly deadly, and now pacified, areas of Iraq; peaceful areas where they complained that they couldn't "be Marines" in. They talked of their need to be in Afghanistan now that they've done their job in Iraq. Maybe now they'll get their wish and "get some" with He who looks like Cartman to alleviate the blue balls that have set in in peaceful Anbar.

Sean: Sweet. Kill that fat fucker and do it YESTERDAY!

One of the greatest additions to the internet since youtube

2008-03-25T21:28:00.008-06:00

Trey and Matt have created a free website providing every episode of South Park in high quality streaming video, as well as clips from all of the episodes for emailing and embedding. Here's a good one from the episode "Smug Alert".

Sean: Sweet. Vid quality is actually good. I'm beginning to hate Youtube because of that. Full disclosure: I sometimes sniff my own farts when I'm feeling righteous too.

Tom: yeah I'm beginning to hate Youtube as well. Quality mostly sucks and they're now censoring--banning way too much stuff for PC and seemingly other political reasons. Thanks, Youtube, for making it your duty to protect us.

Grim Milestone of Grim Milestones

2008-03-25T11:14:00.005-06:00

(AP 2008, Scipio). Five years and almost 20,000 Grim Milestones after the invasion of Iraq by George Bush, Halliburton and some destitute black teenagers from the inner city with no other opportunities, Americans are marking the Grim Anniversary by holding Grim Milestones of their own across the country.

The Associated Press caught up with a vibrant and colorful flock of Hippies, known properly as a "protest", marking the Grim Milestone in the bustling metropolis of Scipio, Utah.

Luna Moonpants, a local peace envisionist, when questioned about the purpose of the event replied, "What with all of the Grim Milestones going on, it only seemed appropriate to bring to the attention of all Amerikkkans this approaching Milestone of such Grimness. That and the weed. It's bomber wicked...Cough."

Much of the same somber tone of remembrance could be found among the other attendees. Stinky McGee, a local juggling stick artisan, echoed the poignant sentiment so prominently on display, stating, "Where's Phish? I heard that Phish was gonna be here! Wooo Hooo!", he said, pausing only to vomit a little between the "Woo" and the "Hoo".

Later today, in the apex of events here in Scipio, a mass "Head-Tilt of Compassion" will mark the exact moment of of the 20,000th Grim Milestone, signifying the sadness and sorrow of this group of solemn Americans, who prefer to be called by the more compassionate sounding "Earthicans".

With a Grimness bought only with years of Iree bong-rips, the Grim Milestone of Grim Milestones, now 20,000 and counting, marches on, lock-step with the horribly unsyncopated drum-circles and whirly dance stylings witnessed here today. Oh, and Abu Ghraib.

Happy... Er, Pagan-Christian Day!

2008-03-23T18:59:00.002-06:00

Got this from Ace. Thought it was gooood:

Happy Easter!

Attacked by Plastic

2008-03-17T10:33:00.005-06:00

Is anybody else absolutely mortified by the current trend of butchering perfectly good gargoyles? Don't get me wrong, we all want our ladies looking like a Shera doll (left), but the sheer amount of silicon is now officially threatening the computer industry. Forget about Peak Oil, I'm talking about Peak Silicon.

So imagine my dismay at the discovery of yet another set of pumped 3M uber-mammories that destroys one of my prized adolescent obsessions. None other than the Sacred Twins of Salvation themselves.

The link shows that this information is more than a few years old, proving that even those of us blessed with the Natural Spidey Sense can be fooled. The Mamocide must be stopped!

Tom: yeah bro, I know what you mean (don't click link if you are easily induced to nausea).

Obama is Toast

2008-03-17T10:30:00.002-06:00

Just sayin. Unfortunately that doesn't bode well for the RethugliKKKans. I think Billary does much better against Mccain than the Second Coming of Hopyness.

Justice for Blues Singer

2008-03-14T09:48:00.007-06:00

Famed blind homeless guy turned singer of the blues, Robert Bradley, to become next Governor of New York. When the "gubbna" just won't leave a poor man alone, or keep his damn hand out of a man's pocket, what is a man to do? Answer: tear that muthafucka down and become the gubbna. Congrats Mr. Bradley. I, for one, have been hoping for this day to come for you, your cat and dog, and your car in the garage.

Sean: Sweet. I love Robert Bradley. Saw him a couple of times at Ye Old Zephyr (Peace Be Upon Her). Seems like the perfect fit for a once-proud state that's singin' the blues.

Holy Crap. No friggin way.

2008-03-13T10:37:00.003-06:00

Got this from Frank J.:

I, like IMAO, thought this was some fancy video edited parody, but apparently not. This guy really is delusional. Selling Universal Disarmament as a campaign promise in the middle of WW3? I always knew that lefties spent waaaaay too much time in the echo-chamber, but thought their political front runners at least smart enough to recognize a dog rectum when they see one. I guess not. This guy will get his chode punched in the general. This, along with this, points to why I am now officially pulling for Obama. His face will get ground into the dirt by a rightfully fearful electorate. Hillary isn't this stupid and has a good chance at Mccain. "YES WE CAN!*"

*- Turn into well-done graham crackers by 2012.

McCain as Churchill figure

2008-03-09T16:30:00.012-06:00

Could be the best political ad I've ever seen, actually. McCain to provide a Churchill-style leadership--pretty good idea.

Sean: Wow. Pretty powerful evocation of Churchill and Teddy. Incredibly emotional, and I mean that in a good way. I think McCain realizes that the other side will be tugging on the heart-strings pretty hard. Love the shot of him enjoying a rare cigarette while in purgatory

Sordid Utah: Cap'n Nemo

2008-03-05T10:03:00.005-07:00

Part one in an ongoing series about unique persons of Utahdom, INFDL takes a look at Eugene "Captain Nemo" Woodland:

From the Deseret News:

The killer known as "Captain Nemo" is proclaiming his innocence in the 1990 murder of a Sandy contractor, insisting he was framed in a fantastic story of world record-setting jet boats, stolen money and a suspect in Spain.

Sweet. Just... Sweet. It continues:

In 1990, he shot and killed Bruce Larson at a Holladay building that Woodland had sought to turn into "Captain Nemo's Dinner Theater Atlantis & Fitness Center." Woodland had lost the building in a bankruptcy proceeding and Larson later bought it. Woodland confronted Larson and shot him five times in front of six people at the construction site. A construction worker was shot trying to tackle Woodland.

But to hear Woodland tell the story on Tuesday, he was framed. He blamed Larson's death on the man's business partner, whom he accused of stealing money and hiding out in Spain to thwart Woodland's attempts at proving his innocence.

Dude. "Captain Nemo's Dinner Theater Atlantis & Fitness Center."? Anybody for some nice squats between fried fish-chunks and slaw?

Questions have been raised about Captain Nemo's mental state. After being arrested, he was sent to the Utah State Hospital after his own defense attorneys raised questions about his competency. Woodland continues to insists he is not mentally ill and has refused any treatment.

"Medicine might be able to help you," parole board vice-chairman Clark Harms told him.
"No, I take vitamins and I don't drink coffee and carbonation. It gives you tumors and tumors turn cancerous," he replied. "So I'm a health nut. I really am." "Without appropriate mental health treatment, you are likely to stay here for the rest of your life," Harms told him. "The board is not going to release you until we think you're safe. The folks here at the prison ... are telling us you still represent a danger to yourself and others."

During his hearing Tuesday, Woodland tried to reason with Harms and blame questions of mental illness on a world record-setting jet boat ride. He once owned a fish-shaped, jet powered boat called the "Nautilus Missile." "When they started to listen to my jet boat and what I did, they thought I was crazy," he said. "My daughter sent letters to the board saying, 'You ought to keep dad in there, 'cause he'll get back in the boat to try to capture the record."'

You can't cook this shit up. Perhaps there is a conspiracy, though. "Nautilus Missile" was my nickname in high school. I love Utah.

Sordid Utah: An Ongoing Series

2008-03-05T09:59:00.005-07:00

We Utahrds at INFDL would like to celebrate our states' storied and colorful history of crazies with an ongoing series called Sordid Utah. We don't know if there's something in the water, or if there's just too much water in our beer, but we've had some real fukkin pinwheel-hat doozies.

Tom: Although alot of people assume that most of the nutbags of america live in the state of my current residence, Florida, many are unawares of Utah's colorful tradition in this category...I look forward to contributing to this ongoing series.